Hi Lisa-

I just wanted to thank you again for your help last weekend. Apparently, there were WAY more people worried about me than I knew about and just breaking down with all of them would have been bad news. Fortunately, being able to talk to SOMEONE about it was enough to keep me semi-sane (or as sane as I ever am, anyway...lol)

Hubby and I went shopping today (one of my favorite pasttimes) for the house. Got ALL KINDS of fun stuff as we're having someone come and re-do the house next week. All new paint for our practically new house (just some color this time around) and new back and front yard scapes, new lighting, etc... to top it off, I am also redecorating my mother's house (it was her birthday present from me)...I'm having a ball!!

How are you doing??? How are things?

<small>[ March 15, 2003, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

Do you know, that was absolutely spooky - I was thinking about you only yesterday and wondering how you were doing!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Calypso, I am soooo glad to hear you sound more positive and upbeat, doing your decorating, and more importantly having someone to confide in and rely on. I sometimes think that men are not terribly good with "problems", is your H perhaps like that? Whether or not you can rely on him, I hope that there is someone there for you, to support you during this difficult time. Sadly, I think I am a little too far away, and of course there's the whole ocean thingy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for me, I truly feel I have been doing so much better in the last month. I pinned such high hopes on having a break and my holiday was indeed much needed. Mentally, the last 9 months have of course been extremely stressful. I think that I have come to a place of acceptance - I accept that I made a huge crashing error in judgement, and that I did a bad thing. I accept however that I am not a bad person (although sometimes inside I still don't like myself), and I have done everything I could to make amends for my bad mistake and poor choices. I also accept that my H will never forgive me, and will always view our M as pre and post A. I accept that I hurt him in a way that I will never comprehend, and that he will never want to work with me to put things right. I accept that his R with OW is doomed to failure, and sadly when he crashes it is unlikely that I will be able to help him. I also accept that I have had to learn the hard way from my mistakes, but that I believe I can be a better person.

Next Thursday I am meeting H for the first time since 9th January (either seeing or speaking to him). I am going to ask him for a DV. Although this is incredibly sad, I also accept that I need to move on with my life. One day I hope that I may have children, and at 39 time isn't really on my side.

So that's me, and I honestly feel at a much better place in the last month than the previous 8 months.

Calypso thank you for letting me know how you were doing. I hope your H can stand strong for you.

Take care of yourself and wishing you well from a very sunny London on a Sunday afternoon.

Lisa

Hey Lisa-

Yeah, my husband isn't the rock of Gibralter, but... he's doing pretty good. He's watching out for me~ I have this nasty little habit of overloading my plate. It's an "issue avoidance" technique of mine: I don't want to deal with a problem, so I keep myself so busy I don't have time to even SEE it! Anyway, last week I nearly DOUBLED my business in my marketing firm (whirlwind campaign there!), I set new goals in my Quixtar business that will have me hopping for the next 18 months, and I'm in the process of purchasing two fitness centers for women. Needless to say, throw in family and college and I am WELL past red-zone. THIS is where my husband has been a big help; I think I would have kept adding on until I absolutely plotzed!

So, my hubby stepped in. School is now officially on hold until fall semester (which, while somewhat disappointing, is also a relief~ I had NO idea how I was going to handle that). I'm hiring someone to compile my reports for me (this is pretty easy data entry stuff) and I'm going to hire family members to manage both of my fitness centers. That will free up some of my time this summer when the girls are out of sschool and at least have me on the right side of the cashflow quadrant!! The decorating HE actually initiated~ I'm good at it and it's a HUGE stress relief so he said I've earned it and have at it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So, maybe he's not a big support in the TALKING category; but he is a HUGE support in other ways...then again, maybe I don't need to talk it to death!

The medicine is slowing me down a bit... I get very listless in the afternoons, especially. Fortunately, my Quixtar business has some excellent vitamin energy drinks, so I'm just chugging those back like water and that does help (has about 300% of the daily b6 vitamin dosage... b6 is one of the main sources for energy in the body). I've decided that the stomach issue is actually a plus ~ if nothing looks good, I'm not likely to overeat!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Anyway, I'm determined to look at this as an opportunity and not a setback. I DID relay that to my husband and he's being very helpful in making sure I don't slip up there. You know what they say: When mommy isn't happy; there isn't ANYBODY happy~ so it's in his best interests to not let me get all down in the dumps!!

I was thinking about your situation this morning. Perhaps going through with the divorce is best for now. That will get you back in to circulation again~ which ALWAYS makes you more of a hot commodity. I wouldn't shut your husband out of your life, though... because even though you can't see how you could be of help to your husband, doesn't mean it couldn't happen. I honestly couldn't see for ages how my Hubby and I could make this marriage work... but God works in ways I will probably never see!! Anyway, if you can and the ill will isn't too great by the time the D is over, perhaps being a "friend" will come in handy one day. If not, then you'll still be able to get out there and get moving. Over here, there are lots of single women who adopt children (and no, not just the superstars). Perhaps you could do that?? It seems to me (and this is from the viewpoint of an adopted person), that although 2 parents are idyllic, having ONE parent who adores and cares for you is still much better than a foster system. My point: don't let being single rule out parentdom. There are LOADS and LOADS of children out there that will need parents (one every 32 seconds, from what I've read) and I don't think they'd turn you down just because a "daddy" didn't come with the package.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOO glad that your vaca was everything you wanted it to be!! My children keep buging me to take them to Disneyworld; perhaps this summer I will take them up on it. They have some cooking and drawing classes I think would be a blast to try.... MY vacation comes this winter~ I'm going to go to Germany in December (I KNOW, I'm going to freeze my buns off... but it will be okay, because I'm going to hop over to Italy while I'm there... a gal pal told me to check out Greece, too, but that's going to have to wait for another time)~ that's when I'm going to unwind, I think...

Anyway, let me know how your talk with your H turns out, ok? I'll be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers....

~C~

Hey Calypso

I have been meaning to respond to you, and then lost the blumming post!

You are one busy lady - what is Quxitar? How did you get into the fitness industry? I ask that particularly because it is something I have always been interested in. I'm glad your H is looking out for you and you realise that you are not superwoman - although you sound it to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thank you for your words of support and encouragement. In some ways I can't imagine H not being in my life in some shape form or fashion, but in other ways, I just have got on with my life recently. The thing is, I'm not sure whether or not we could be friends - I guess I have loads of friends and I wanted an H. Only time will tell, but I am getting nervous about the meeting tomorrow.

Thanks also for your thoughts on adoption. I think in the UK it may be somewhat more difficult. Funnily enough, H works within social services and used to do adoption assessments. But you are right, if I get to a point biologically where children aren't an option, then maybe adoption could be.

I know you normally post at the weekend and I'm away this weekend, but started another thread, so if I don't get back, as I say it's only because I am away.

Take good care of yourself and thank you again for your kindness.

Wishing you well from sunny London.

Lisa

Well, thanks to this illness, I'm seeing more of my home computer than I'd like to during the week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But, my house is starting to look absolutely Fabulous!! We got the fixtures in the family room and the kitchen up, the painting is done in the kitchen, the breakfast area, the family room, the dining room, the formal living room and the upstairs hall. Also, the girls rooms have been painted. I've gotten the custom cushions for our couches ordered and we're having the couches reworked next week. Next week, we're also painting the upstairs gameroom (doing the whole patriotic theme in our gameroom.. I've got a bunch of civil war memorabilia, some revolutionary war pieces and world war two pieces... I've also got 2 antique American flags to hang), my master bedroom is going to FINALLY be finished (started this nearly two years ago <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ), and my master bath is going to be a lovely shade of lavender. Then, it's on to the crown moulding!

I went out this morning and got lots of beautiful green plants for around the house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I need to get some new paperwhite bulbs for my family room (I like to force grow them), but I haven't found them yet. I was hoping to get the front yard done this week, but I haven't the energy. Hubby tried to talk to me about hiring someone, but that's one thing I WANT to do myself. I finally figured out what I did wrong last year; I think I deserve the opportunity to correct it, don't you??? lol

Let's see: Quixtar is an online ordering community that I belong to. I get pretty much everything short of my perishables there. They've got a whole lot of partner stores like Disney.com, amazon.com, and OfficeMax.com and Ethnicgrocer that run my credit card on probably a weekly basis! You get points for your purchases and then rebates off the points. Pass it on and you basically get paid for marketing the company. There's the watered-down, two second, horrendously simple explanation.

How did I get into the fitness industry? Well, I marketed an energy drink to a bunch of them and found out they were franchises. Of course, that got my money-hungry gears turning (lol... just kidding.. I like money, but I've got access to plenty of it now). I called Curves and said I wanted to buy a franchise. They are more than happy to take my money. I've got a couple of grant appointments set up for next week because I want to open more than one (2 the first year, 2 more the second, 2 more the third and that's it) and grants are MORE than readily available for women (for everyone, really, but especially women). It's pretty inexpensive, and it fits well into some other areas where I've invested money into. My sales guy is funny... he was the stunt double for Walker, Texas Ranger! lol I don't know if they're in the UK or not (or if they have plans to), but I'd be more than happy to ask him, if you'd like. It's about 30 grand a location to get running, depending on how much the lease costs, etc. Anywhoo... that's how that got started. I'm a little disappointed, because I have some land about an hour south of me that I'm wanting to build on (and I'm seriously looking at some lakefront property in East Texas, but the price is still a little more than I want to pay for it); but they already have a Curves down there. I thought that'd make a great number 3 location. Oh well...lol

So, I posted to your other post. Could you and your husband be friends? Stranger things have happened. What I wonder is if your husband at some point came back to you (after the D proceedings started or had ended, if he woke up and realized what a ninny he was being); would you want him??? Whatever that answer, at your meeting tomorrow, stay strong. You CANNOT live in limbo forever. You are a vivacious, lovely woman and you can't be expected to sit around forever and wait on him to grow up ~ no matter what your past mistakes have been... they're not an excuse for him to behave the way he is. I am rooting for you... I know you'll do what you believe is right. Remember you have a LOT of people here (I'm proud to count myself among them) that are pulling for you. Be strong and be sure to let me know how it turns out!!

Hey Lisa-

I say "WE" but, following the whole radical honesty policy in ALL areas of my life, what I really mean is that we've hired someone to do it for ME. lol

Take care girl!
C

Ok, Let me first say that finding this buried post wasn't all that fun... I'm way too impatient and didn't realize it was so buried!

Having another rough morning this morning... with both my medicine and my spouse. LOL I just realized something~ it's pretty funny to me. I call him hubby when things are normal and spouse when I'm irritated. LOL Anyway, we've been having some minor clashes.. the FOP's wife was up to some kind of mischief (don't know why, don't really care) last week when we were out on a date. He knew it was bunk, it wasn't a big deal. But, we got a phone call on the 25th at 1:25 in the morning marked "private" and that apparently riled him a bit. "Who's calling at 1:25 in the monring? Why would someone call "private" then?" My response? A "how should I know, dear?" Anyway, that kind of irritated him and so, he's been a little grumpy; but assures me that he trusts me and knows I'm not doing anything wrong. Normally, I'd be spending a lot of time reassuring him and such, but frankly, I don't have the energy right now.
For now, the knowledge that I'm not up to anything (heck, I don't even have the energy to meet clients today!) will have to be enough.
Anyway, enough about me...

You said..."I also worry at the speed his R with OW is happening and I feel pretty sure he will move in with her in June when his lease expires. I think that would be such a terrible move for him."

Let me ask you, why do you think that would be so terrible??? Perhaps the jolt out of fantasy and into the day by day reality would be good for him?? I know it's not ideallic, but perhaps there might be some good in it? Anyway, I'd be interested to know why you think it's bad.

What have you been up to lately? I mean, other than dealing with this? Read any good books, seen any good movies? How ya spending your free time, girl? Looking forward to talking to you again soon... I'd love to get your bent on something, could you email me @ musicofcalypso@aol.com? Thanks!

BTW, I enjoy talking to you, too... it's easy to care about the well-being of someone so perfectly lovely!

Later~
C

Hey C

I have mailed you directly.

Lisa