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My WW says she is moving out to get some time to figure out what she wants. She has found a home to rent within a few miles of our house (she wants to stay close for our 10 year old son), and may move at the end of the month. She will be taking a few things (old bed, TV, clothes etc). I am using the plan A strategy. My question is... Should I help her move out, by using my truck to haul these items to her new place? If I refuse, will it be a LBer? Help
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Joined: May 2002
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If she would like the help, help her. There is nothing wrong with helping, if that is what she wants. These people are so in the ffooggg... that you will be amazed at what they say and do.
If you don't help, it won't be a lovebuster, cause she will tell you NO.
So just ask. Say you would be available to help her move. Don't say anything like I would love to help you move. Just say you will help if she wants you to. Leave the decision up to her.
It is time she takes accountability for her actions.
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Joined: Mar 2002
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I agree with faith4me, help her move out, help her set up the apartment. I know you have an urge to let her be and deal with it. That would be a big LB. I helped my wife move out, set up apartment, basically anything she asked for. That is plan A-being helpful, without expecting anything in return.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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gambler11,
You will have more too loose if you don't help her out. Beside, a few hours of working out (moving furnitures) is good for you. You will see how and where she lives, aren't you curious ?. Control your taker and help her out.
-rh-
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I am curious. But also worried. She is moving to an unfurnished home, and all she wants is a small dinner table, TV, and bed. I guess I have been figuring all along that she would not go through with it, but now it looks inevitable. I love her dearly, but am not sure I can overcome what she has put me through. I suggested counceling a month or two ago, but she refused. Should I take another crack at it?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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gambler, I wouldn't push the counseling thing at this point. It will be a lovebuster to try to push her into this. Please just let her be to feel the consequences of her actions right now. That is the greatest thing you can do for your marriage at this point. Sorry you are here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Joined: Apr 2001
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And I agree with the others that you should help her move. But I WOULD NOT help her beyond that. No financial help, no nothing. To help her financially will only aide her in her affair and prevent her from feeling the consequences. She needs to feel what it will be like without you. If you help her out, she will never know. The boy is staying with you, right?
Have you identified what emotional needs the OM is meeting that she wasn't getting in the marriage?
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Joined: Mar 2003
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Yes our son is staying with me. She really won't have one of those discussions about how I have failed to meet her needs. Initially, when I could tell she was becoming distant, she said it was nothing I had done wrong. She says she realizes she had the perfect life (home, family, etc), but still was not happy. She is depressed. I think her affair is over (maybe not), but she feels very guilty. Could it be that she feels she must move out to punish herself for what she has done to our family? Or is she trying to have her cake and eat it too?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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gambler,
She might not tell you what her EN's are, so its up to you to try and figure it out. You sure didn't cause the affair, but there was most likely something missing that led to the conditions in the marriage that led to her affair.
If the affair is truly over, she might be moving because she feels guilty. In that case, Plan A should help tremendously.
If she is still in the affair, then she is moving out so she can continue it unimpeded. In that case, Plan A can also be effective, because it can attract the spouse to you.
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