I see one of H's co workers at the gym just about every time I go, about 3 days a week. He is a nice freindly attractive guy, and it SCARES me $hitless to even talk to him.WHen he adresses me , its usually just to say hi or something related to H, i find myself embarrassed and looking away from him nervously. After the last time I was like OMG I hope he doesn't interpret this as flirting !?!!?!?!?!? Occasionally H will say " oh kit saw you at the gym, he said you were really working out hard" or" kit said he did not see you wanted to know if you were slacking".

My problem is I am worried. Because its similar to how Om was , freind, co worker, etc etc.It just makes me uncomfortable to even speak this this guy, much less have conversations with my H about this guy.

I don't see myself going down that road again EVER< but it still scares me . Is this normal? or is it paranoia? I know he is just being freindly, its always a "hi whats up, how chris, have a good work out today "? kind of thing, but I don't like it. I can't exactly say "hey you don't talk to me!" LOL Anyways is it normal to be nervous about it? It makes me so uncomfortable. Will it go away?

It SHOULD make you uncomfortable. You are wisely cautious about what could happen. He is not doing anything out of line, but you are smart enough to know that this could lead down the wrong path. Just be sure and don't encourage him. Being on guard is a good thing so you can keep a healthy distance and protect your heart.

As long as you don't let this guy steer the conversation to off limit topics and you purposely keep all conversations with him extremely brief, you will not be giving him any signals that he might misconstrue as evidence of attraction by you. And in the event that he still insists on pushing himself on to you, then you can tell him flat out to leave you alone or you will tell your H.

And please don't fall into the trap that many do in not being firm because you are afraid of hurting his feelings. Many affairs have started because of initial pity on the OP and trying to be a his/her friend. You, your H, your kids, and your M (shoot even your cat or dog) are way more important than him.

Don't wish to drag up the past for you but my story "Four Lovers & A Baby" in the "Just Found Out" section has been attracting much advice, mainly from hurt husbands, to immediately throw out my wife.

I did put a request for any advice from former WW's who might be able to help us get to the bottom of why she did what she did.

I am blaming myself and she had yet to come up with a reason (other than drink, which was not really believable as it transpires that she was drunk the first time she had sex with these guys but she then continued the relationships during the daytime when no alcohol was involved).

If you can share your success story and how you cope with temptation it may help to keep us and our daughter together.

Euphoria,
You know if you are flirting or not. You know if he's crossing your boundaries.

I personally don't like guys talking to me at the gym, other than a "how are ya today". And, if a conversation goes more, I say, "I've got to get at it (gesturing at some machine), I'm pressed for time."

Cut him off if his attention bothers you. Are you there for exercise or social chatting? Turn your back if you see him coming toward you. If he talks to you while you are on one machine, move to another. Walk purposefully, don't stop for him.

You know this stuff, right?

And ALWAYS tell your H about the conversations.

Euphoria,

I agree with everyone else here. You have to draw a boundery in conversing with him or anyone else. You know where to go not to go. Keep your H informed on it. If it becomes a problem you might ask for his help. That is what he is there for.

On another note. Is you H being deployed with all of this stuff going on?

Indy

Hi thanks everyone.

Yeah its totally casual, being nice conversation, and I do my best to avoid him ( and another guy that works with H that works out with Kit actually, but he isn't cute LOL) while i work out. I am there to work out and not be a social butterfly so its pretty easy, but the last two times one he was next to me on the Elliptical trainer and the other was at the front door just as I entered the gym so I was trapped.

i do always tell H about it, I tell him, Kit said hi today or told me to tell you hi or whatever to CMA( cover my [censored]).GOing to the gym os hard anyways on H because I was suppose to be at the gym the night I had the PA soooooooooooooo.

No H is not being deployed, he is an instructor a non deployable status, but boy he sure wishes he was, how crazy is that?!?!?!

<small>[ March 18, 2003, 05:14 PM: Message edited by: euphoria ]</small>

E,
Like they say, you can look at the menu but never order. I have been in the fitness industry for 23 years & it can be very difficult to avoid attention. I always made it clear in all my conversations with the opposite sex that I was happily married with great kids etc. If you bring up your H & compliment your H it will help to keep the conversation on a more "friendly" level. I know it's hard, who doesn't like to be complimented by the oppsite sex (especially as we get older) ALL THE MORE REASON TO CONSTANTLY TELL YOUR PARTNER HOW BEAUTIFUL & WONDERFUL THEY ARE !!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No H is not being deployed, he is an instructor a non deployable status, but boy he sure wishes he was, how crazy is that?!?!?!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is insane because until he sees the effects of war on his fellow soldiers (forever mutilated bodies and broken psyche's) and their families, he will never appreciate the loss, the devastation, and the horror of war. There is nothing romantic about war.