It all started when I told my H our 19 year old daughter might be pregnant. We went out for a few drinks and it was hell all night long. My H kept on throwing my A in my face all night, and that his gf never lied to him and never took off on him like I did. We got home and he spit in my face about 15 times until our 10 year old got up and yelled at him. And I know I broke my finger opening the front door to let him out. He says everythiing is all my fault and for what he did with living with his gf for 2 1/2 months and now he wants to go back to her. That I deserve everything that comes my way, including a bad accident we were in before Christmas. All night he was calling me a sleeze and other names I can't mention here. Now he is up in our bedroom with the door locked so I can't go in the bedroom at all until he gets up and when he gets up he is leaving and telling his family to hate me and that I am a sleeze. Now he will be going back to his gf and that will be it.

He also said he wishes I would die or get killed and I should have died in the car accident. How can he say that about the mother of his children?

Goldielocks

I am so very sorry to hear this story. It reminds me of some of the worst times I went through with my H after he discovered me A.

Now listen to me, nobody deserves to be spoken to in such an abusive way, whatever you did. I'm sorry I haven't followed your story and can't help too much about some of the specifics, but ending up with a broken finger (irrespective of how it happened) is serious stuff. Spitting in your face and name calling is abusive, especially in front of your 10 year old. You do not deserve to be treated in this way.

Let you H go to his GF - you deserve better.

Lisa

Goldie,

I am sorry last night was so awful for you...

First of all in the heat of a really really bad arguement...people say mean awful crazy stuff...don't dwell on the garbage...we have all said things we regret...you have bigger fish to fry than the hurtful words...dont' dwell on the garbage from his mouth...

Second....step back and realize the inconsistancy of what you told him...and his reaction...you tell him something life altering about your daughter...he reacts by attacking you...It sounds like he took a lot of his own fear, hurt, whatever about the pregnancy news and took it out on you....

If he does leave goldie...sounds like to me it will be a relief in some ways...that knowing the truth of what you are dealing with...is a lot better than living in the fear you have been in the past two weeks just waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to leave again...

I have had great concerns about your recent posts with him home with you saying things...
as long as I don't make him angry he will stay...
that's no way to live goldie...you deserve more from you and from those that are in your life...

And the loud fighting and spitting in front of your children is as much as your doing as his...and if he's not there...then your children won't witness such chaos....see the bright side..

This is your time to get a hold of all of this chaos and strife and say enough is enough..

enough living in fear of making him mad
enough living in fear of telling the truth and him leaving you
enough ignoring and avoiding the exact issues that make a good relationship...

so back he goes in all this drama and ridiculousness...
two women living with the thought that if "they" upset him...then he bails on one for the other...

Hopefully both of you will shut the revolving door
and make him accountable for his actions...

I am not giving up on your marriage...I am giving up on your old way of dealing with him and this situation...

time to quit settling for his crap
time to set boundaries and healthy for YOU and those CHILDREN...his revolving door pattern is very scarey for them...shame on him....

Time to dig deep and change you...to no longer be the person who puts up with this...

seek serenity from here on out...
ARK

We have done our best to keep this situation away from our daughter, who is very sensitive and picks up on any bad vibes between us.

My W was amazed that I did not resort to violence when she told me, especially as I was shaking with anger.

Ironically the only two times I have been violent was with two guys of whom I had suspiscions .... who after last week's revelations, I now wish that I had finished off, instead of backing off due to lack of absolute proof ... need I say more.

I did read elsewhere on this site a comment that it is not really the fault of the OM as he was only taking advantage of an opportunity laid before him ... I don't really agree with this, especially as my W's latest is also married with kids.

Serve him right getting caught and I hope that he suffers as a result of his wife's police complaint (being an "upstanding officer of Arab Law" I hope they throw the book at him)

I also note a another comment regarding respect of the woman by the other man ... from the arabic argument he had with his wife my W got the impression that he had referred to her as a whore he had picked up ... but she still allowed him todrive her home !

Sorry girls, I will just never understand you !

Bottom line is that violence cannot possibly solve anything ... and I dearly hope that I am right in my approach to our problem.

One more thing to all potential or actual WS's .... I was no angel in my first marriage, but apart from one very brief return to my 1st wife, I have not let down this one.

ONLY NOW DO I FEEL THE PAIN WHICH I PUT MY FIRST WIFE THROUGH.

Good luck to all of you and WS's .... please, please think carefully about what you are doing to us, next time you may be tempted.

Golidilocks, no one deserves to be treated the way you were last night. Your H is irrational. You brought up a very serious concern about your daughter and he decided to take his frustration out on you and attack you, two very unrelated things.

This must be especially hard to take after the euphoria of him coming home the other night when you were fearful he would not.

Ark^^^ gave you very good advice. I am in no position to give advice about ending cycles or patterns of enabling behaviour, but that is what you need to do. The man that you once loved seems to have left the building, and I doubt he's ever going to come back. End the cycle of your H's poor treatment of you, stop the revolving door, and look out for yourself and your children first and foremost.

Take care,

Jen

I tried to talk to him this morning and he won't, he just said not now, leave me alone. He said the only reason why he is here is because it is a place to sleep and that is it. He said some pretty hurtful things last night and actions he did. I really think he will be going back to his gf.