I haven't heard from my H since a week ago today. This has been the longest we've ever NOT had contact since we first got together. I'm trying my hardest just to hold back and not call him and to work on building myself a life without him just in case his words are true, but I'm really struggling. Yesterday and now this morning are very hard. I keep trying to think of excuses to give him a call. I'm grasping at straws.

I'm not sure what I would say if I did call him. It seems like I've done all the work to try to hold this together and although he gave me some signs that were confusing and said that he himself was confused, I'm not sure what it's going to take to get him to do a turn around.

All I know is that I miss him. I miss my step-daughters and my kids miss are missing him and the girls as well. This is so hard on all of us.

Gee, I could use a hug right now.

((((((((((ferbie)))))))))))
*huggles*

I know your pain. Loosing touch with your best friend/lover is hard. Last night was the first time I've seen my WW in a month. We barely talk in that time. It's hard. I've felt like breaking down and calling almost every day. Still do today, after seeing her. Being around her just made me miss her even more.

There shouldn't be anything wrong with a call just to "see how you're doing" if you havn't heard from him in a while. It could even meet a EN for him to see/hear that you care. Just make sure there's no LB's, it's kept civil without shouting or arguing. Just calm conversation between 2 friends.

Here's another for the road
((((((ferbie))))))*huggles*

Ferbie --

Here's an official, patented MB ((((((Hug)))))) just for you!

It certainly sounds as though you've been carrying the burden of your marriage all by yourself for quite some time now, at least since last fall. H's actions and continued poor choices do indeed make it very hard on you and your family.

You need to hang in there for yourself and for all of your children. You've been doing a great job so far, a wonderful job, as the responsibility for your family's stability continues to rest almost solely on your shoulders. Whether or not things change between you and H, that dynamic may still be in place. In other words, you've got to think about you and children first for now. How can you provide maximum protection and stability for all of you? What can all of you do with this set of circumstances to help you grow and learn and heal? Be proactive and not solely reactive!

I know you miss him and your Step-D's, but you don't miss the tension and stress that H's proximity brings. A book I'm reading says, "Don't waste your pain." Situations like this hurt everyone, even your H, who doesn't even realize that. Try to focus on what you have and not on what you don't have...for now (hard to do, I know, but perhaps necessary for survival), and realize that the situation is temporary, that your life will not always be this way.

I'm sorry for this in your life, sorry for your intense pain, sorry for this immense disruption. Richard Bach says that "every problem comes to us with a gift in its hands." What could possibly be the gift here...?

Ammon