My H and i both post to MB and have recieved a huge amount of help and we've even started trying to help others, in some places. My H is the one who had EA and is now not in contact with OW, at all. H is recognizing that he has come out of the fog and that I love him very much and want our M to work out and thrive. However, he still doesn't feel love for me, I mean he cares for me and does an excellent job of showing it, but he says he's still not "in-love" with me.

H is now wanting to try to fall in love with me, which is a big step for him. We are still living apart for now. We date each other, have family time w/ our 2 Ds, and we talk A LOT. We communicate better and more often than ever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have told him that I feel like this is my 2nd chance at our marriage also. That I'm thankful for the chance to show him how much he means to me and how much I love and care for him. And that I want our marriage to be healthier and happier than it ever has been. I am patient for him and don't want to pressure him.

My questions:
When did you FWS or WS feel love for you BS again?
From what I read it looks like as soon as you realized you came out of the fog, you were sorry and couldn't tell or show your spouse enough how much you loved them. Were there any of you who had to try to fall in love w/S again? My H and I both recognize that we weren't giving our M enough attention. I have also been through the questioning of my feelings for my H, but knew I never wanted a D. My feelings did grow and intensify when he left-I realized how much I loved him and wanted him and wanted to be a better wife and woman.

What else can I be doing?
My H says I'm doing everything right. So do I just keep doing what I'm doing and wait for his feelings to grow? Which I am very willing to do. My H is a wonderful man and very much worth my waiting! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

One thing I don't want to do is pressure him into making a decision, but I do want to share my feelings and fears with him. Is it a love buster or pressure thing if I cry to him when I'm sad or lonely? Like last night I called him and just wanted to cry, so I did and he handeld it just perfect (for me anyway). I think I want him to know those fears but does that make him feel like he better hurry up and decide? That's not what I want him to feel.

One last thing, my H knows that I will come home whenever he's ready for me to, tomorrow, next week, month, whenever. I think he's still going back and forth with that. One day he feels he wants me to come home, maybe another day he's not sure, and still another day maybe he knows for sure that he doesn't want me home. I'm not sure if this is what he's going through, just wondering if others have felt this. And if yes, does that feeling ever feel 100% right, one way or the other?

Thanks to all who read and reply. And CTOAN...I love you...thanks for just listening and letting me let it all out last night!
Fonzee

Fonzee,

Well, the simple thing to tell you is "radical honesty" and the POJA are the basis of a good marriage. So if you are down and need his help, you should ask for it.

I think you both will find as you help each other through this the more likely you are to have loving feelings for one another. Which if they continue to pop up often leads to feeling "in love".

You are right it is up to Can't, but you know what, you can help by not making him guess as to what you like, what you need, and what you want. He needs to know. It makes him part of your life. It is crucial that he is part of your life and you his.

It takes time to see all of this. It sounds like you both are doing very well. It takes Time and Patience Fonzee. You seem to be doing things very well, and actually so is Can't.

You two are in my thoughts.

God Bless,

JL

After the NC with OM, I was still in the fog for a long time. i had feelings of love for about 7 mos, right up until last mos probably. So in the beginning, I really did not feel like I loved my H. I felt bad yes, I cried yes, i begged for his forgiveness, but LOVE as in telling him I love him and only him and everything else that went along with it, was very very hard to do. I wanted the marriage to work so I told him I loved him anyways even when i did not feel like it because from what I learned here I did not really love OM, and that the ONLY reason i felt like I did not love my H was because of that stupid fog.Each day it got better and better until finally its completely normal for me to profess my undying love for him.

But to answer your question i feel like I did have to fall in love with H again and in the beginning there were days where I loved him fiercly and then others where I was 'loving' OM just as much.AS time went on there were more days that I loved H then OM, and so on and so forth until this day where I really don't have any feelings that are 'good' about OM. Infact just today I was thinking about OM and the PA and I was just discusted at it, I found myself feeling a bit like I do when i think of my great grandfather sexually molesting me. Discusted and not remembered fondly in the least.

HTH. and good luck:)