I saw your other post about your pastor thinking that everyone could co-exist and heal together. <P>I got the SAME thing from our pastor. He thought that all four of us could heal right there in the same church. LOL<P>Thankfully the OM moved out o' state and is filing for divorce (not thankful about THAT part) but his wife still attends our church ... and I'm guilt-ridden every time I see her. That's why I've had to go to another church to worship ... I simply cannot heal spiritually when I'm so uncomfortable in that church.<P>My H, however, doesn't want to move the girls. They have very very good and deep roots with friends there. <P>I'm amazed that a pastor can even THINK that former lovers can co-exist in the same church ... especially with all the stares and gossip ....<P>Good luck to you.

Last night was our first night elsewhere to attend church. Our kids (ages 9 and 12) have both gone to that same church all their lives and last night was a little difficult for them. The older one chose where we went so he knew a friend there but the younger one chose to sit with us in the service instead of going to the children's clubs. <P>Your comment about guilt confirms my confusion as to why the OW would even want to go where we are but she doesn't seem to be playing with all cards anyway. She obviously feels no guilt about her betrayal of me as a "friend" either and that is hard to believe since she used my worries and concerns to further her relationship with my H. Gotta go I'm at work and it's time to go home. YEA!<P>The name I use from my home is Duck and Weave check it out for more info.<P>------------------<BR>"A Bend In The Road Is Not The End Of The Road...Unless You Fail To Make The Turn."

Well, obviously in your OW's case, she's not repentant or remorseful of what happened. I was broken. Completely. And the OM's wife was a friend of mine. Yes, I used the friendship to get close to the OM. I am ashamed of that.<P>But someday the guilt will hit her I'm sure. It may be down the road ....<P>Finding a new church is so difficult. We had just come to this church 6 years ago. Finally had some roots, the kids are thriving there. And then I go and screw it up.<P>It's hard to think of moving the kids. I could wholeheartedly leave if it were just me. There is just too much pain in that church for me.<P>

Hi Maya,<P> I think you MUST leave that church...I think you will not have a chance of healing and the depression will destroy your marriage. We actually moved out of state to get away...we had been living in our town for 8yrs., had great friends, great church etc...and one of my d's was starting high school. But, Maya, despite having the kids change schools , states, cultures (we used to live in a yuppie city, now very very rural country) it has been the best thing. I went back to visit and felt claustrophobic, the pain came tumbling back...I cannot even IMAGINE how you feel going to the same church.....you are not letting those wounds heal....Maybe Steve H. could talk to your H about starting over in a new church...My H felt guilty about being the cause of our move but the kids are thriving and thank heavens I feel like I can breathe again. Lu

What a great success story, Lu! I'm so happy for you.<P>We thought of moving out of state. But just couldn't afford it ... even with me transferring with my company.<P>I think my H may come around in the next few weeks. He's already seen how beneficial it's been for me to just attend midweek services at another church. He knows I'm going there this Sunday while he's deer hunting. No, the kids aren't going. They are steadfast refusing to move churches ... but I'm dropping them at our old church and then going to the new one alone. I don't mind a bit. The freedom has been unbelievable.<P>Thanks for the encouraging words though. I'm so glad you're doing so well!

Hi Lu-<BR>I am Bent but not broken at work (too labor intensive to keep same name there because of passwords and different emails probably very easy to do, I just didn't investigate it) anyway at home I am Duck and Weave so I thought I'd reply from here.<P>My H was actually very encouraging about leaving for several reasons:<BR>1. We were advised by counsel "no contact" (prior to them deciding that's the church they wanted to attend), and because of the readings regarding that same concept.(The Pastors view changed a bit when they started attending regularly, he thought maybe we could all get along, maybe we could've except she decided they also wanted to sit close to us (it's a big church, 400 or so)and found a friend to walk with in our neighborhood (far away from hers), her son was calling our son and inviting him to spend the nite etc (kids know what's going on), sent our family 4 postcards from their vacation (they were gone one week, 3 of them came on the same day, addressed by her but signed by the one son) we had call block put against their phone so she let her son use the cell phone to call here. Just bizarre things like that. And he thought we could worship in an atmosphere like that.<P>2. He hated the way he felt (guilt) when he saw them there acting as if nothing happened and blaming the whole thing on him.<P>3. He hated seeing me get hurt over and over each week.<P>4. Definately tough decision but we will be better for it. I know deep down there must be a spiritual issue on her end and if this is what it takes to help her that is what I've got to do. Even though my head says let her rot my heart says that a "friend" would do whatever it took. It's a bitter pill.<P>Gotta go pick up kids. Write again.<BR><P>------------------<BR>