Hi all-

After hearing more fog and hate spew out of WW's mouth and people coming to me out of nowhere asking me "when I was going to wake up" because of how long this went on and more things brought to light about her A and the things she would do behind my back, I mean its sick and I know I am MB site but how on earth can I tell my WW (to whom I am legally seperated) that I never want to talk to her again. She only brings pain & humiliation. I would be fine if I never saw or talked to her again. How can I do this in a nice, gentle & classy way. I mean the only shed of respect I have for her is that she is the mother of my 3 beautiful daughters.

Any suggestions, any WW's out there that could help me. I do love her but she doesn't want my forgiveness.

Sorry this post was such a downer. Its just extremely humiliating when people you know say things to you like "We knew two years about this"
"Did you know she did this or that" "I saw her doing this" --I mean these people just seem to come out of the woodwork once you are seperated and heading for divorce.

COuld use a way of getting my point across that is powerful and yet gentle.

Rly

Souns like time for plan B to me!

Jante

Just tell her what you feel. If she accepts it, fine, if not, that's fine too since you won't be seeing her again.

Be calm and courteous. That is the important thing. It's not necessarily what you say, but how you say it. Follow the golden rule, treat her how you want to be treated.

rlyhurtin,

I think you feel better about this by taking back what control you desire in it..

I am very wary of friends/aquaintances coming to you with

"Did you know she did this or that" "I saw her doing this" --I mean these people just seem to come out of the woodwork once you are seperated and heading for divorce"

Not that people don't mean well, just that human nature and our great interest in others "juicy" details often lends to people telling others information that serves no real purpose what so ever...
and sometimes it just ends up hurting...

sometimes it turns into a drama bash fest...

you decide from friends and aquaintainces what you do and do not want to hear...you can say..."look I would really appreciate if you didn't tell me this or that...it is rather irrelevant and only hurts me....and there is nothing I can do about it ..."

Set limits with friends that make you able to enjoy being around them and tell them you would rather just focus on the present...than always worry about that the time you are spending with them is just a build up to be told some riduculous past action of wife...kind puts a bummer on the whole thing....
those that care about you..sometimes just need reminded...and those that care should "get it"...

get back in control of that
Let go of the humiliation you feel...you are not responsible for her actions...

How much contact are you having with you ww?
how much is necessary and how much isn't
how may interactions are the two of you able to have that are filled with conflict/heavy talk...

just asking to see that if maybe you need to back off of your contact...
also it is important you DON"T react at all at what she tells except with noted disappointment and the reality that it hurts../

if she is throwing past behaviors viciously at you...just to get a reaction from you....do the opposite....don't react
if she is doing it to relieve her burder...tell her to dump her burden somewhere else

I guess my question is why is she doing...
ARK

how on earth can I tell my WW (to whom I am legally seperated) that I never want to talk to her again.
Probably a good time for Plan B.

I would do plan B. If this is what you really want. Or is it that everyone is telling you how rotten she was, and this is making you angry.

Do you ever want to be with your wife again? Do you love her, is there caring for her. If there is caring for her, that is a start. First you have to have the caring, then the rest can come.

I would really think about your 3 daughteres, and think about how you two could go to counseling, and work on each others needs. Meeting each others needs is the utmost important step. That is what makes the marriage grow.

I would of been a good person for my hsuband, if we had done marriage builders lets say 5 years ago, maybe 10. I don't really know. There was something lacking in our relationship, and I know part of it was the emotional needs not being filled by each of us. I wanted to be part of the marriage, 50/50. I wanted to be told that I was pretty, and my husband to say to me that he loved me. He rarely told me he loved me. Seems when we were having sex, he would say it. I wanted my husband to be my best friend, and I be his best frined. We talked so much while we were dating. We talked about everything, stayed up late at night and talked. We did things together, walked in the park, it was wonderful.

My husabnd does not see me as a good person, cause he tells me regularly that I am not a good person, or that he would not date me again. Isn't that good to hear. So what you are stating is that you don't want to talk to your wife. Do you hate her. If you do why? Why would you have children with the one you hate? Why would you have sex with the one you hate?

I would look into your marriage, and yourself, and say, this is the woman that I made a committment to long ago with God. I know that I am not the perfect person either. And maybe you two could work something out.

Have a letter delivered by courier to your wife in which you tell her that you are moving on without her and don't wish to be contacted by her in the future and that you wish her well with whoever she meets.

Rly,
I'm sorry that you are going through all of this.

I say do the plan B letter, and I like what Tomaz said, too.

You've forgiven her, that's what's important for your own mental health.

Take care,
H_P

Its just extremely humiliating when people you know say things to you like "We knew two years about this"
You tell them, “hey, thanks for letting me know back then. If you are so concerned, why didn’t you say something back then?”