Hi. It's been one year tomorrow that WH and I have been separated. Overall the last few months, I have felt pretty good but this weekend has been hard.
Wh is still with the OW-although he hasn't disclosed any information about her. He won't discuss any of the affair with me so I have never been able to fill in the puzzle. He hasn't introduced the kids to her yet. He continues to live with a male co-worker (who also left his wife)and act like a teenager.
WH has not attempted any reconcilation nor intiated any legal proceedings. I have taken care of the legal stuff. We had a few talks the first six months. Sometimes I wonder if I had followed Plan A instead of rage for months...if things would have been different. I have some what if's about that.
I am still in "our" house. WH continues to take care of the yard, garbage, etc and does his visitation with the kids. Our finances remain together.
I think if WH had his way..we could remain in this pattern forever. I plan to sell the house this year because it is such an emotional tie between us. I feel like I can't completely move on with my life while I'm in this house. I can't afford to hire help and I don't want to keep depending upon WH for help.
I really thought we would reconcile but it takes two. We have known each other since we were 8. I really loved him. I have the sinking feeling that my WH and OW will be the odd statistic that makes it.
What have I done for me this past year? Lost 50 lbs, took the bar exam, took care of the kids and house and bills. I will continue to work on myself.
I won't file for the divorce itself until I have health insurance (or WH files).
Just a sad weekend.
For those new to the board, don't be discouraged by my post. This Plan A stuff is great for one's self-esteem and in fact, when I did follow the no LB's..I saw change. Unfortunately, WH is a big time cakeeater and it was going nowhere.
There are lots of success stories..just different types of success.
Thanks for all your help this past year. Those first six months were the hardest of my life.

Take care.

Good for you! Sounds like you have taken care of the most important piece of this puzzle, YOU.

Cake eaters, you would think they'd get sick on their own obsession, but they don't.

Prayers are with you, hang in there, I'd bet ten to one that you are tons stronger today than you were a year ago. I guess you could say it's one of those "side effects" of infidelity.

HUGS can't sleep !

You sound strong! You've done A LOT for yourself. I am so glad that you posted an update. I have wondered about you. I think that is one reason I keep posting... so many people I want to be able to see an 'update' from... I wouldn't want to miss them...

Keep on keepin' on.

Prayers,
Cali

Can't Sleep-
So sorry to hear of your 1 year anniversay. No matter how well we've been doing, there are still triggers. An anniversary like this is especially hard to deal with. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and do whatever it takes to get through it.

I've been in a Plan B situation with my WH since 12/31/02. Your situation sounds like what I imagine mine might be like a year from now. If you have been the primary caregiver for your children the past year, then you probably have adjusted to to being a single parent. My hat is off to you, you are doing a difficult job. I'm sure this is not the life you envisioned for yourself and your children, but it sounds like you have risen to the challenge. Please remember that your children are the key to all our futures, and to give them the best you have to offer.

I empathize with you, can't sleep, on this sad anniversary date, but I also see hope and encouragement in your post. Thank you for sharing with us. Wishing you peace and love.
lablady

Dear "Can't Sleep"
Our timelines are pretty much the same, and I remember you from last year. It's great hearing from you. My ex. was also a big cake-eater, and would never had told me about the affair had I not disocered it. From that point it was up to me to make decisions, because his fog was EXTREME (and still is). I filed for divorce Oct. 2002, and it was final March 13. It has been a difficult and challenging year, but I am working hard to raise my kids in the right way. I pray that you will have the insight to do what you need to do, and I applaud you for how far you've come. Please update us again when you can.
KK

Hello can't sleep -- I remember you from last winter/spring/summer as we're on similar timelines. I did plan A from March (can't claim I did it the first month after d-day I was a big LB) until September when I found out about renewed contact.

I've been separated for over a year now. Like you, plan A helped me and I know I'm doing better than I would have been otherwise. WH is still a cake-eater. I was in plan B from October until about a week ago and I told WH just to go ahead and file. Don't know what will happen next.

I just wanted to send my best to you and let you know there are some of us in the same boat.

I remember you. I can hardly believe it has been that long.

I know it is not what you would have chosen, but you have used this time to your benefit.

I applaud you. You sound strong. You sound determined. It is just too bad your husband is missing out on the "new" you.

Susan

Hi all. Thank you so much for your replies. It's good to hear from you, learn of your updates, and be remembered.
I had another set back Monday. I didn't pass the bar exam and need to figure out some different plans for six months.
I have yet to figure out where God is leading me but I trust him. Just hope I can listen and figure it out.
Can't Sleep

[[[can't sleep]]]

Don't sweat not passing the bar... it took my brother-in-law a couple of times... but he did it and so did two of his friends! YOU WILL too!

I'm not sure how it all works... but some places will hire you while you are in the process of taking the bar... I know my BIL was always employed... (NYC and Philadelphia)

Cali