First off I would like to thank everyone who responded. Information was great especially from the man's perspective. My son is doing well. We did go through counsling with him and it has been a year now. He is doing well in school and has a higher love for himself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> As for my husband it is correct that it will take some time for me to get my thoughts together and for me to be big enough to tell him. I feel terrible that I have ever let myself get into this situation and ask Gods forgiveness... now I need my husbands forgiveness.... Thank You.... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Lady,

Given what you have said about your son and counseling. Let't review something you said earlier. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I had so much anger in my heart about what happend to my son and so much guilt since I was the one that placed them at that sitters. Since then I've realized my husbands work comes first even more. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now the first sentence I fully understand. I do hope that you have realized that you are NOT guilty for what happened to your son. You had NO way of knowing this would or did happen. The second one is the one I have a problem with. You were and are making a "disrespectful judgment" about your H. You are assuming you know his motivation for his actions, when in fact you don't. What you didn't factor was your H feeling he could do nothing at that moment, but would address it when he could do something, such as talk with your son, hopefully get him to counseling (which you guys did).

Now the concept of a disrespectful judgement is interesting and is address here. It often leads to resentment, and resentment kills marriages. There was a fellow that used to post here that had the following quote at the bottom of his posts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What you should have done is talk to your H about your feelings. Better yet, you should have thought about them deeply and decide if the issue was really that important compared to others you were dealing with at the time, but in any event if you are feeling resentment he needed to know it.

Now he is going to hear about your resentments FOLLOWING you have had an affair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It will make it harder for him to overcome the pain, but he very likely will do so.

So look up "disrespectful judgements" on this site and do some reading about them. I think it might help you understand things better.

God Bless,

JL