My husband took the day off to go to our dental office to see if he could get me an appointment sooner than the one I had in may. Plus he wants to put the pistol in my name for my safety on the trip home. I do now really believe it is over. I tried to talk to him without crying or begging. To give it more time, and he said I already told you I was not going to talk about this again, my mind is made up just like I have already told you. I am going to start packing and get the H@@@ out of here. I have two more weeks to go and I don't know how to handle it. I hurt so bad. How can I even face him knowing he does not want me anymore. How can I live in the same place and be civil knowing I am leaving here. I am not very good at hiding my emotions. Please help. I do not know how to handle it. He doesn't want me to hug him anymore either.

gonetofar,

He is hurting but like all martian we prefers to go back to our own cave and hide for a while then when we make up our mind we will let Venusian know. Deep down he is hurting and don't know how to deal with it. The only thing left for you for these 2 weeks is a good plan A, ok. No LB, no talking about R unless he brings it up. You questions on R annoyed him, let it go. You have not list his ENs and his LBs, how could you plan A ?. Please if this is the end let him ended not you !. If his EN is domestic support, super clean the house and not a single dust could be found, cook his favorite dishes ... surprise him baking bread if you never know how !. You get my point. H will shut you down to make you agree with him and make his decision easier!. Don't give up. Fillin any ENs that he still allows you to.

This is my 2x4 to you. "How could you stay with someone that doesn't want you ?." Because you created the situation and decision such that he doesn't. He sticked with you so far is 2 weeks too much to aks for ?. If the role is reversed and he is the WS, what would you do ?. Read 5 stages of grieve. He is in anger stage and have a hard time dealing with it. This last 2 weeks really will be in his mind for the next 12 weeks !. He hurt you now ... just think of how much hurt when he found out about your A (for me I rather take a bullet than betrayed) ... is it compareable to this ?. Fight back for your M.

Could you list his ENs and LBs ? and what would you do to fill in it ?. Again BS has 3 main questions ... does WS love me ? ... could I trust her again ? ... could I be happier sticking with her ?. Task for you ... show your love by showing unconditional love, even he push you away. Show him that life could be diferent and NO LB. You just annoyed him by asking ... you should not have asked, you just LBed.

-rh-

To: Redhat,
I can try to be pleasant and understanding that this is what he needs to heal. I asked him yesterday if during this time, was he at least going to think about us. He said he was going to use this time for his self. I understand some of it, but I don't see how he will not think about me or us. I can't do that. Unless I am going to try to force myself to get over it. Can you plan b from that far away. He still wants to keep in touch with me. He is afraid to shut that door just yet. I am afraid that I pushed him to do this by lb about the R on and on. I couldn't stop myself from asking him about us. I do have some good things to look forward to back home. I have two great sons a beautiful daughter and grand daughter, and my parents. I am a family person and my h is not at all. He wants to stay away from people period for the time being. He is so angry at the world. He says he has problems that only he can fix. I told him he should seek help for his self then not anything to do with us. He said no, he could fix his self. I believe he will miss me and possibly regret his decision. Don't know yet. Anyway, this is going to happen. I just have to accept it. I can be nice to him Redhat, and he is being nice to me. He is paying for the move, fixing my car for the trip, getting me maps. He does care what happens to me. I just don't want to do this and don't know how to handle the pain of going. I also brought up that I didn't know if I could afford the move back, he said well then you better get to working when you get there. Could this separtion help us?

<small>[ March 25, 2003, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: gonetofar ]</small>

Don't do plan B ! there is no plan B without plan A ... as matter of fact this separation might be good. If he made up his mind and you need to be away to reduce LB, plan A from far is not bad and easier for some people. However should not plan B. Keep the communication good and open ... support his decision to separate since staying would be big LB. I count on your words on that you will be missed. However you know you have to work hard for the next 2 weeks !. Get your plan A list !.

-rh-

In plan a, all I can do is be nice to him. How can I plan a from a far. What sort of things can you do from a distance. It seems like it is only the time away to miss someone that helps. He hates his ex wife and she did not do what I did to him, so, to still want to be in contact with me must mean he really still cares alot. We have been going through this back and forth thing for seven months now. I should say he has, for I have never wanted to leave his side. They were only married 1 year. We have been together 4 years and 7 mos. This is hard. I know I will cry when I am saying goodbye and getting in car to leave. Is is not good to show them you are crying as you leave?

gonetofar,

Be strong ... and get busy with plan A list. Hey, if you feel sad when you leave don't hide it ... it is you. However for the next 2 weeks I would like you not to cry or beg to H in front of him, cry as much as you can but not in front of H. You could make this 2 weeks a good 2 weeks. Don't start packing until the last minutes !.

-rh-

Hey G2f,

I posted a bit different from RH and I hope it doesn't confuse you. RH is saying to prolong it and I am saying to hurry up and get out.

I prefer the confuse and run method and RH is saying to be nice and loving. You have a choice, they have their good and bad points. Also a lot depends on your H's character.

Weigh the 2 and on the other thread, change the heading so that others can respond. You can get more help that way.

take care,
L.