Just curious to know who all is riding along this misery train.<P>I just read NSR's reply and it got me to thinking...jump on NSR.<P>We'll ride together.<P>P.S. How long have you been riding? Me, two days.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited November 11, 1999).]

Paul,<P>I'm not there yet...<P>I'm still in Plan A... (long distance... low contact Plan A)<P>I think I'll be moving to Plan B after the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years holidays... (mid January or early February.) I have to give my wife a chance to see what it is like to not have the kids (or my help) during these holiday times... I imagine it will hurt me too... but since I get them 6 out of 7 days... it's got to be tougher on her.<P>If she has changed to the point of not needing the kids... or blocking me completely out of her mind... I can gracefully accept that... and then my Plan B will lead me to more peaceful transition to a life without her.<P>If I see some movement... even the slightest away from OM... my Plan B will only protect me and escalate her isolation...<P>I don't know what to expect?<P>I feel for <B>all</B> of you who have started Plan B...<BR>I pray for <B>all</B> of you who have started Plan B...<P>I really believe this phase has got to be the hardest... It's like being in the bottom of the ninth... down one run... two outs and one man on first... (OK... I'm out of season here)... but it is to me the final chance... The worst part is that you can't even the pitch coming!<P>This is where the time for prayer has to replace the time for NO lovebusting.<P>Since I'm not there yet (at Plan B)... I have no practical experience... <B>I know only what is in the book</B>! But I'm gonna give you all the moral support I can. I will emphasize to keep true to the recommendations in the book... I will not chastise you if you fall... I will help talk anyone through their tough times...<P>I know you will all do this for me when my time comes... and... I know it is coming! <P>Paul... I've seen your posts more than anyone elses... (purely by chance...) and you are in a similar position to mine... I'll be there for you guy... <P>I'll be there for anyone... <BR>I'm not leaving this forum for a long time!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 11, 1999).]

seems like we're pretty much moving to Plan B although we have kids so that makes it more difficult. i have to be here til he gets them (not a lot of family in the area) so it won't be 'no' contact. but it will be a lot less. we've been seperated for over a month...never really in plan A...just hellish...

Paul,<P>I am in PlanAPlanb since H left for the second time on 10/18. Big problenm for me - I was chasing him way too much - always calling or hanging around the house when he is here (H's Field office is in the house. Although he isn't living here, he comes here everyday he is in town to work while I am at my job). <P>So, when he left this second time, I thought - all this time, energy and effort in trying to get my H back hasn't accomplished a d@mn thing except WEAR ME OUT. I was emotionally exhausted from 7 months of trying to win and woo him back. Hasn't worked.<P>OK, so my counselor wants me to back off big time and truthfully I was losing love for my H because of his disrespect and ongoing affair IN MY FACE.<P>So, I have NOTHING to lose doing this. Sure I miss him, but you know, all I was getting was the scraps anyway. I am holding out for the FILET MIGNON! I DESERVE that and I have finally decided that I will settle for nothing less. YOU deserve that too!!!<P>My H is like your W - in an ongoing affair. We have both tried the begging, pleading, crying, reasoning, logic, guilt, kids need you, etc. We've tried everything and yet we still have no S home begging our forgiveness and wanting to work on our marriage because they have given the OP the boot.<P>Paul, at this point, you have NOTHING to lose, but the reserve of love you still have for your W and your own dignity. Plan B will help you to protect that love for your W and keep you from getting more and more hurt.(I know I wrote this all on the other post to you, but you need to hear it twice! <P>Sure, it is GUT_WRENCHING, awful, painful, lonely and more! But, I am actually feeling a little better in this plan. I haven't written the letter and closed the door to my H, but it is a lot tighter than it used to be. H actually went out of his way to see me 5 days in a row. He left today for a vaction with OW, so this isn't solving anything, but still keeping me from having to have this in my face every minute of every day. I need the rest, too.<P>If this helps, Paul, think of this as you on an emotional vacation. You wrote in another post about the interaction with you and your W at OM's trailer. The part about you collapsing worries me. You have those boys and they NEED at least one sane and strong parent. You have to take care of PAUL right now.<P>This is hard for you, Paul. It is hard for me, too. But really, what choices do we have? We can choose to throw the towel in, and neither of us wants to do that at this itme. We can keep trying to "convince" our S that they are making a big mistake but that hasn't worked either.<P>Try this. You WILL make it through this. Paul, you WILL survive this. Paul, those boys NEED you. Just do it one hour at a time right now, if this is the best you can do. <P>We are all pulling for you, Paul...<P>Roll Me Away<P>