Hi, I have been talking to redhat about my situation and he has given me good advice. I really have no choice but to seperate from h. Please will you read last threads and talk to me some about it. My concern is I only have these two weeks left. He wants to keep communication open with me. He is not sure if he will regret this. If I stay it will cause to many lb's and it makes him furious. The hard part is remaing nice to him when he is the one making me leave. He knows that I love him very much and I don't have to keep telling him for it makes him upset.
Should I not cry in front of him anymore? Should I go ahead and start packing again? He has made up his mind that this is going to happen. Should I not cry as I am leaving that day? What do I do?
I really trust your judgement on this Orchid. How can I get through these next two weeks? Can you help me see clearer. I know plan a until that day. But there is only so much that he will allow me to do. How can I plan a from afar?

Hm.... g2f,

Sorry to hear it is still in this stage but I am sure you are not surprised just hurt.

You know it really takes a while to heal. Some of us BS can be a stubborn bunch.

You may have to make that trip alone and move back. Now my question, is why would he want you to take a gun with you? I would question his motive on that one. JMHO.... I am not a gun person.

If he wants you to go, he needs to do so. Let him see you struggle. Work hard at packing in front of him. Let him see your hurt. This is what he will remember. If he doesn't come after you within a given time (of your choosing - your heart will know that timeframe - don't rush it). Then you will need to resolve in yourself that you did your best but you have to let him go.

See G2F, in each case one of the spouses has to take the higher ground. He is a man and often men prefer to stay in that injuried position. You may not be able to get him out of it.

Right now you have to get yourself to a safer place. R U willing to leave before that date if you are finding it too hard to stay? That may throw him for a whopper.

Remember these are just suggestions. You may also want to run this by a good MC or Steve or Jennifer.

take care,
L.

Hmmm men are different creatures than women so keep that in mind.

I left temporarily on multiple occassions. Each time not telling my wife where I was going. Each time she found...although we aren't talking out of state moves.

We can childish and dramatic in our actions. Having you move out is as much symbolic as it is substance.

Like it or not he wants to know if he can make it without. And there is only one way for him to know.

If he is like me the real test is not whether you move out but whether he feels better or worse when you are gone.

At first he will feel better simply because there is nobody to remind him of the affair.

But shortly he will either miss you deeply or come to the realization that he can live without you.

Know that is not exactly what you want to here but hope that helps understand the male mentality.

I would write several letters telling him how much you love him. Drop the first one in the mail a day before you go so it arrives shortly after you leave. Then drop one each day until he responds. Then be sure and respond to every letter-email you exchange.