Hopeful-

I have been reading your posts and I feel so bad for you. I still think you are doing everything right. I admire you so much. I still think your consistent loving actions will bring your husband back. You made a mistake, you have owned up to it where others (men & women) will seek to justify it. From what I have seen here many who have made the mistake of falling into an affair simply don't really care what it has done to their spouse, extended family or friends. They simply say "Oh well I didn't love him/her anymore" so why not.

Hopeful, you should be holding your head high. Many people after having an A have such a chip on their shoulder, at least it seems like it. You certainly do not have a chip on your shoulder about it, in fact you simply have squarely accepted responsibility. I cannot tell you enough how admireable that is. That is why I feel so bad for you, many of us men whose WW had affairs would kill for a repentant spouse ready to re-build. As is the case of my WW, she is so blaming & accusatory. Everyone except the woman in the mirror is to blame. I know I could forgive her but she acts as if she doesn't want forgiveness. You on the other hand would be so easy to forgive because you are sorry for what happened. I know your husband is still hurting, give him time. I don't agree with other posters telling you to "date"--If you still want your husband then that is about the last thing I'd be doing. By you dating if I was your husband I would be thinking "HMMMMMMM she sends me cards, she writes me letters, she tells me she loves me yet she is still dating." "Oh well why should that bother me, she was dating while we were married."

So IMHO, if you date you will be throwing that shred of trust you have worked so hard to earn back away and you will be at square one. You will know in your heart when its time to "move on" and it doesn't sound like your heart is telling you to give up on your husband.

I trust 110% in what you are doing. Your husband knows you love him, he knows you are sorry. I'll bet he is just scared that he won't be "good enough" to keep you. So right now he thinking "So why bother going thru that pain again"---

You are a great person, it takes a great person to have gone thru the changes you have. I pray everynight that my WW's actions would be like yours. Although I must admit I coming to a point of indifference and it scares me sometimes that on one hand I love her but on the other I think she is pretty "scanky"

Hopeful, you have my support. Keep it up. You surely will win your husbands trust and love.

If you raelly lve your husband don't give up..keep doing what you are doing.. tell him that you love him..make as many deposits to the love bank.. ect.. I am pretty messed up right now..with my WW saying thatshe is leaving me...and supposably her OM calling it off..I wish my ww was like you..what a woman you must be to be able to admit your mistakes...keep plugging god will take care of you.. but pray ...pray..
Rlyhurtin.. please check out my thread..any advise would be appreciated as well.. Urgent."other man out of piture,...
thanks

Hopeful-

Just bumping hoping you.

Rly,
Thanks for your message here to me. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Thanks for the encouragement, I will carry on. You needn't admire me, but I appreciate it. That is to say, I was the lout who got myself in this mess! Thanks though, just the same.

Don't give up on your wife yet. She's still in some foggy sort of state. There's hope, really, there is!

I agree with you too, dating wouldn't be the right thing for me to do at all. I echoed the same reasons back to LadyLou. Just not for me, the dating thing. I love my exH.

If I don't win his trust and love, at least I'll know I tried my hardest to show him I'd changed.

MARATHONMAN,
Thanks for your encouragement, too. I am praying , indeed. I feel that I'm on the path God would want me to take, in trying to restore my marriage.

I will check your thread, too, Marathonman.Sorry for what you're going through!

Take care, and THANKS,
H_P

I too have been trying my hardest for my H to show my H that I have been trying, but he just keeps on throwing everything in my face about my A, but I can't bring nothing up about his revenge affair and living with his OW for 2 1/2 months.