My H has been living two hours away for over 4 weeks now.
He is not willing to give up OW, who lives 7 hours away, and I have been doing a good Plan A since November.

He told me this weekend that he thought it would be harder living alone, but it's not and he doesn't miss the pressure from me.

I asked what pressure and he said it's hard to explain, but he felt I was pressuring him to love me or fall in love with me.

Do you think my Plan A has been too strong...that I've been trying too hard?

I'm talking to Steve on Thursday, but wondered if anyone had heard this before?

Most of that pressure is the guilt (and related feelings) that is triggered by reminders of you. Blaming you (i.e. calling it pressure from you) for that is foggy reasoning.

Of course, part of the pressure could be actual pressure, but I can't really distill your situation down enough to say how much is from that. But since you have feedback on your Plan A being good, I would say this part is not that significant. But then, no one is perfect, and it may be worth trying to indentify a couple points that might be worth changing - if they can be identified. There may be nothing actually wrong. Good time to honestly self-examine and bounce things off of SH and others.

I'll add that it would be really great if he could eventually see that all the "pressure" is not coming from you, but from himself. Accepting personal responsibility is important for an easier reconciliation.

<small>[ March 25, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: est ]</small>

That is a good point...I guess it would make sense that he does feel guilty, and therefore is blaming it as pressure from me.

Accepting personal responsibility is going to be a big one if we ever get to the point of recovery. He tends to justify his actions and point to other sources than himself to blame.

For instance he said he was going to end the affair in early October. He actually lied to me about where he was and instead went to do it in person apparently. My sisters and I tracked him down and found out he was with her...and my sisters left some very harsh messages on his cell phone.

So that is the reason he didn't end the affair, because of my sisters leaving those messages and me trying to control him by tracking him down to see where he really was.

Personal responsibility...that's going to be a tough one for him to face, and if we do get to the point of reconciliation I hope he has it in him.