I haven't been on here in a long time, I think I get more depressed if I come in here. anyone else feels like this, I have noticed changes in myself but I don't hink i reached the point where I don't totally care about WS and OW. He began introducing her to his family, his family has accepted everything, i've been replaced even before the divorce. I do know in my heart I tried to save my marriage, and I prayed everyday. If anyone has any advice on moving on with my life or not to pay attention to WS. Please Help!!

(((( nezi ))))

I'm so sorry that you are still hurting so. And if coming here to post will somehow give you comfort, please post as often as you need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How do you know for sure that his entire family has accepted the OW? Have they all come to you and told you this? Because if not, I would bet that all they're doing is putting on being all nicey nice, just to keep from stirring the previously turbulant waters.

You have NOT been replaced. YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE NEZI!!! One day your WS might wake up and realize this, but by then, you will have moved on.

Ah... but how to move on? It's hard. After all, you've focused so much time and energy into your M, and hoping to reconcile with your H. You do need to mourn this loss.

TIME
PATIENCE
CONSISTENCY

We all cringe when we read those words, but that's exactly what's needed.

Your best bet, in order to work at moving on, is to continue that part of plan A which is all about YOU. Just b/c your H is foolishly staying with OW doesn't mean you need to stop becoming the best you ever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Find things to do that are just for YOU. When is the last time you got your hair done? Or a manicure or pedicure? Heck, even just a relaxing bubble bath with candles (and a glass of wine?) can be amazingly rejuvenating for your spirit! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

One book that has been helping me to move on, is Dr. Phil's "Self Matters". I'll admit, I'm on a plateau in the book right now, because I am not making the time to do the necessary work... but what I have done so far, has really helped me. The book is all about learning about your true, authentic self. It teaches you how to recognize important events in your life, and how to learn from them. It also teaches you how to let go of so many things that are weighing you down emotionally. All in all, it helps you to find your true, authentic self, and increases your self esteem in the process. I highly recommend it (and so will "tossedwave"... she's MUCH farther along in the book than I, and would have more insight as to what is covered).

Take care nezi,
Karen

Hi Nezi
"i have noticed changes in myself but I don't hink i reached the point where I don't totally care about WS and OW."

Though this is our ultimate goal- true detatchment it takes a long time to get there. I think I'm doing ok and have truly detatched but occasionally H will say something which hurts. BUT the pain is getting less and the time it lasts shorter. As Topie says really the only answers are
TIME
PATIENCE
CONSISTENCY

" He began introducing her to his family, his family has accepted everything, i've been replaced even before the divorce."
This is a hard one, I know when my dad left my mum one of the things that hurt her most was mer MILs acceptence of his OW into the family even before the dv. However you can't do anything to change that. It is upto you whether you choose to try to maintain a rel with his family despite it all or to cut contact because of how they are supporting him. I have been very fortunate in my IL's - they have refused to meet H's ow at least while h and I are married. Also though I have filed for dv they have said they still want to maintain a rel with me and I have worked at maintaining a rel with them

"I do know in my heart I tried to save my marriage, and I prayed everyday."
I too know that and have prayed daily but in the end realised my H was not going to change or gicve up his OW so i chose to dv him and give myself permssion to move on with my life. It wasn't an easy decision but since making it I haven't regretted it. I do regret taht H wasn't willing to try again but now I am moving on in Gods grace to a new and fulfilled life. I hope you begin to find peace through all the chaos.

jante