I was noticing in one of STTSI's threads that you both seem to be the WS? Please correct me if I am wrong. Well, I am also a WS - to make it more interesting, I am STTSI's WS.

I could use some advice from other WS's (H or W) on what to do next. I am really confused, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> as is my H.

Thanks, - Imready -

^^^^^^^bumping for imready2try^^^^^^^

^^bump again^^
{{{to you both}}}

I'm here. I probably won't be able to be back here on the boards until tomorrow morning, ok?
Post and I'll log on first thing tomorrow.

Hope you are doing ok.

Don't take this the wrong way because I like you both, but why aren't you following Cerri's advise to stay away from these boards?

As much as we try to give you what we consider our most informed views on your situation, we are nowhere near the level that Cerri is to provide you twp with a practical marital plan of recovery. We may end up (depending which side of the bed we woke up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) providing you with conflicting info and leave you more confused than ever before. You know the old saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" is very true.

I know these boards can be very addicting (don't I know it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) because they are full of people that you can relate to but remember that Cerri is also someone that you can relate to because she once was a WS in her previous M. If your desire to reach out to others here is because you feel squeemish in asking her some questions that might touch on her past, then tell her. Consider this as an exercise in honesty for both of you.

It does you two no good to seek out her help and then turn around and do something she has advised against you two doing. You may be sabotaging your marital plan of recovery and give her the impression that you are not truly serious and committed in following it to the letter.

So please, for the sake of your M, follow her advise and stay away from the boards.

CoffeeMan -

I know all about waking up on the wrong side of the bed! Believe me, I went to bed on the wrong side last night and got up there too <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am trying my best to stay away from the boards. I told Cerri that it would be hard though (for sttsi and myself). I feel like I've made good friends with you, JL, RH, Chris and FH. It's tough letting go... But I am trying my best <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hopefully today will be better than yesterday for H and me! I think I would be safe in saying that H and I use this forum for a place of support - not necessarily a place to get advice. I think there is a difference there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . A place where there are people who are going/have gone through what we are currently going through. I know that Cerri has been through some of it - but I also know that she is a VERY busy woman (taking care of other people - not just sttsi and me).

So, that said - I am doing my best to adhere to Cerri's advice and stay away from the boards... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I AM your friend (as well as STTI's friend) and because of this, I feel a responsibility to tell you something that you may not want to hear. Nothing would please more, than for you and STTI to come back a few months from now and relate your success story to the rest of us.

Remember that there is a fine line dividing support and advise, and if you and STTI are not careful, you may end up crossing it and later regret doing so.

You are one of the few FWS that has so much potential to turn this whole ordeal into a success story, that I would hate to see that dream not become a reality all because you and STTI took some bad advise from us.

Maybe if you told Cerri the reasons why you and STTI like coming here, she may let you come with a caution not to follow any of our advise without consulting with her first.

<small>[ March 30, 2003, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thank you for your supportive words!

BTW, when are you setting your wedding date?!?!?! You would have one HUGE wedding if you invited all your friends from MB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks again - Angie -

We haven't set a date yet, but when we do, you are all virtually invited to attend. Virtual wedding cake is non fattening and you don't have to worry about STTI getting drunk on virtual booze and then driving home afterwards <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (not to mention the liabilities for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Right now my main concern is to find a job. This Friday, the plant where I worked for 17 years clossed its doors for good and I'm out of a job <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . I got to tell you it's a surreal experience because part of me does not beleive this is the case. But on the bright side, all of us got a great severance package and I already started my job search with many leads. I also started looking into going back to school to enhance my resume and improve my chances of landing a job much sooner. Wish me luck.

I don't mean to intrude in anyone's business, but could someone fill me in on what just happened on this thread??? Did I do something wrong??

CoffeeMan -

Non - fatening cake?!?? I'll have to try that sometime! Good luck with your Job search! What kind of Job?!?! I will keep you and your fiance in my prayers!

LWH -

Momentary hijack of thread - I did it to myself though... You did nothing wrong. CoffeeMan knows my story - Cerri doesn't think it is a good idea to post here, while my H and I are working on recovery. You have helped my H a lot. My H is STTSI.

I had asked my H to put me in contact with other FWS's. You and Kily were two that he suggested. So - here's the story - If you read his long thread in GQII you get the jist of the story. You can also read my other two threads in PlanA/PlanB and Recovery. Like I said, I just wanted to talk to other FWS's who were on the road to recovery to see if they had any other suggestions for me (us) down the very narrow path of recovery...

Seen as how Cerri doesn't think that posting here will help the recovery process at all (she says some advice is bad) I can give you an e-mail where to contact me if you wish.

Thanks - Angie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Angie,

Thanks for filling me in! I was confused!!
Well, I am very willing to talk to you if you want to.
My H and I are doing very well in recovery and things are improving each day. I don't post much, but I do read alot hoping to gain knowledge and learn things. I am very happy to hear that you two are in recovery. Posting to your H helped me alot too. I learned alot about how the BS feels and that helped me understand my H.

I would put my email here but it has my last name in it so if you want to give me yours that would be good. If you choose not to, that would be fine, too.

I wish you both the best!

P.S. Tell your H that i'm tickled that he even remembered me and any of my words to him. Hoped it helped him a little.

J

ImReady,

I endorse Coffeeman's words completely. Most here will do their best to help, but few if any are professional counselors, or even had ANY training. So take Cerri's advice and consider it very carefully. If you and STTI are getting something out of posting here, then you two and Cerri need to discuss this and sort out what you seek.

I wish the both of you the best in your recovery.

God Bless,

JL

Hello Eveyone -

Well, today - road to recovery is going good. H is on his way back into town <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Yea-hoo!!!!!

Anyway - I would love to chat off the board - Like yours, my e-mail also has my last name in it - soooo.... E-mail me at my H's address and I will reply then! His e-mail is: STTSI2003@yahoo.com

p.s. H says "Thanks - that was my first Virtual Tickle!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have a SUPER Monday everyone!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

That's great news, but remember that just changing venue will not remove the possibility of getting bad advise. Don't take any action on ANY advise you are given, until you and STTI run it thru Cerri first and get her blessing.

CoffeeMan -

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know all about changing the venue and the advice not necessarily being any better - Actually the reason for doing so, is to be able to divulge more information and hopefully let it get into the hands of someone who cares and can help me (us) out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I guess I am 'giddy' today! Talked to Cerri and H today - road to recovery is going good today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I can't wait - H is on his way home right now! He will be back on Tue night - I will get to see him on Wed!!! Yea-Hoo!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well - the only thing that could make today better is if it wasn't so darned windy, cloudy and cold in MN today... Oh, well! H and I are talking - that make's it a great day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings to all - have a wonderful Monday!
- Ang -

Don't stop reading the Harley books. It's been my experience that re-reading them, I discover something that I missed the first time I read them.

If it's windy where you are, you might want to consider flying a kite? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi IMready2,

I had court yesterday to start custody proceeding for DS. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Yes I am the WP but never had the privelage of getting to a marital commitment. We lived together for 8 years and had been involved with each other for 14. We had a beautiful son together.....

I gave your H a link to my posts. They are LONG and very detailed, but I think you might be able to see some paralells with your own turmoil if you read them.

I'm glad that you and he have this chance. I was not succesful in gaining this opportunity, but that isn't such an awful thing. I was given the gift of this forum and I now try to share my situation with everyone to try and help them witht their struggles and pain.

I'm here...I will listen...