hi, just wanted to talk a little. As you know this is really hard for me. H was suppose to bring me more boxes and bubble wrap today, well he didn't. He is putting everything that needs to be done off until monday. I am suppose to leave tuesday morn. How cruel is this? I asked him yesterday if he would go to Terwilliger hot springs with me tomorrow and he said he would. It is a hot spring here in oregon that we went to last may together. In my opinion it is sort of a romantic spot and we had a lot of fun there last year together. He told me that he would not have said yes if he did not want to go with me. I thought it would be something nice to do together before I go. A good memory perhaps. He really wants to see how bad he would miss me when I am gone. Orchid, I am so afraid to travel those 3000 miles by myself. I am shipping part of my things fed ex home to ms. We were suppose to do that today. Why is he putting these things off till the last day. My car has to be serviced, I have to finnish packing my things, ship them and clean a house that day. The confussion is beyond my understanding. He tells me that he knows he will miss me, it is just a question of how much and can he live with it. He says this is the only way he will know. One time he made the remark to me that in order to start over, you had to break up. Could this be what this is about? Could he be trying to hurt me as bad as I hurt him, but still leave me hope? If the answer is yes, then he if succeding very well. He knows that I am suffering, having to pack and knowing that I am leaving. When I get home it will be a wait and see kind of situation for me. geez, how much can one take. I did mention that it would be difficult to move my things back after we do this, he said if we work this out that is the least of our worries. One time he mentioned to his sister and me that he wish he could send everyone one away for the twelve weeks that this body for life program lasted then everyone could come back. Could this be part of his thinking. I dont know anything but pain right now. Have packed 80 percent of my things and was waiting on more boxes. He wont get them till monday. When I was away in July visting family he missed me like crazy. Don't you think this will be worse for him. I know that no one person has the answers I seek. I just wanted to talk to you and others who can relate to how I feel. It is very hard to be nice when my heart is breaking and knowing that I am leaving, but I am doing it. I am so glad I have you and others to talk to. It helps me. It might not answer my questions, but at least someone is there to listen. Monday is going to be a @@@@@ becasue of his putting some of these things to be done off until then.

<small>[ March 29, 2003, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: gonetofar ]</small>

Seems like he feels the need to teach you some sort of lesson. You know what that is? If not, ask him. Then you have a base (shakey as it may be), something ot base your supposition.

I would keep your schedule. Many a BS want to make it harder for the W to act as well as you have.

Orchid, I believe that he does want to show me how much I hurt him. What do you think about us going to the hot springs together. He isn't willing to let go completely. I thought this might be a happy memory for him to think about when I am gone. He seems to be slow about getting things done for my move.

obtw, he has mentioned that I wouldn't know how he felt till I had been forced to lose it. He has also said that he wished he could turn everything around where I would feel it. Do you think this separtion will really help? Really need more of your thoughts! You seem to be so insightful.

also, it has been a year and four months since I told him. He doesn't want to end the marriage without seeing if this will help. Don't understand his reasoning on this one. How can a seperation help?

gonetofar,

Just come back from watching movie the basic - nothing what it seems. This is my take on your situation. Does separation help ?. I wish I have the answer, as much as you have tell us, there is a missing puzzle piece that doesn't fit in here. Time will tell. However I want you to have a mind frame that your departure is unavoidable. Now about the time between now and departure day, it is very short but may be the longest time in your life and the most important time in your survival of M. You have to make it a good memory for him, no LB'ed. You have to plan A him, there is no other option. You want also for him to have nice memory about you.

Enjoy your time with him, hope you could talk heart-2-heart during your hot spring visit. Fillin his ENs and let him fillin yours too. Don't mention about your departure ... please don't ask about R. I think he will bring it up anyway.

-rh-