Just wanted to know if there are any Africand Americans or Whites whose WS is seeing a person of another race and if that has added to the pain of the whole thing. My WS became obsessed with a white OW and it was a real blow to my ego not just because of the affair but also the fact that she was of another race. A race that has always been portrayed as more beautiful, better, etc. than black women. Needless to say I am black. Just a thought. Thanks all. wu

Thanks Jazzy: u remind me of myself. I posted on your thread. wu

So I take it my situation is unique. lol. wu

Wucus...

I don't think it is that it is unique... I think most are hesitant to post HONESTLY regarding race.

I am White. My H is Black. He had an affair w/ a White woman. I think it could have been an issue w/me had she been Black. HOWEVER, keep in mind that if we make it about RACE it gives us another SMOKEscreen to hide behind. We are making it about US... and it's not... the affairs are about THEM....

...the OW doesn't matter... whether she's taller or shorter... curvey or not... blonde or brunette... high school or college grad... stay-at-home mom or career woman....

Hugs,

Cali

wucus,

I am aware of a few posters here that are African American. I don't know however, if the OP is of another race. So I cannot help guide you there, BUT I do think there is something about "forbidden fruit". I don't know how much but it probably adds to the fantasy.

On the other hand, that means you have more in common with your H, than she does. Which means that as the fog lifts you have a good chance of getting him back.

There always seems to be pluses and minus'. Like the case of an older guy dating a very young woman. She is many things, but mature she is not, which often means that he will grow tired of dealing with a youngster. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wish I could offer you some good advice. Just hang in there and see what happens.

God Bless,

JL

My W and I are both white. My W was involved in an EA and OM was black. Throughout our lives we have both dated outside our race, me almost exclusively. I don't think that realistically it means anything that OM is black and I'll use the "i got a lot of black friends". Here comes the but... honestly I do look at black men differently now. My first reaction is wow he resembles OM...I don't like him. This really upsets me too and I hope that in time this goes away. If OM had long hair I think I'd look at lon-haired men differently...it isn't related to race I just that the fact that I initially react this way pisses me off.

I know your situation is different and this is not really what you were looking for but the topic provokes a lot of thought. I think that this is the first time I have shared these feelings with anyone other than my wife. Thanks for bringing it up.

in His grip....

Doug

I guess you all are right. She was also swedish and damn it!!! I now hate Swedish Fish.lol. Thanks all. wu

Wu ..... how you doin' today?

Your story reminds me of the movie "Waiting to Exhale" .... Angela Bassett shares her hurt and outrage about her husband leaving her "for a white woman" with a black man she meets in a bar..... only to find out later, he's married to a white woman dying of breast cancer.

I saw "Waiting" the week after D-day. I was sorely tempted to throw all H's things into his car and set it on fire ..... cuz Angela looked soooo good doin' that!

I am as white as anyone gets without being albino! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Mr. Pepper is Latino .... God help me, I am a sucker for Latino men!

Whatever the OP is .... we want to demonize that group right away. So, go ahead and boycott everything Swedish ....and, to show my support ....I will boycott all things Swedish too. (LOL! huge sacrifice on my part! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Pepper

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ladies!!

I'm half Swede, so how are you gonna boycot half of WAT? (Not to be confused with half Wit). Pep - think of the sacrifice!!

Just remember, aliens come in a variety of colors, probably including green and purple, and who knows how many appendages.

WAT

YEzzzzzzzzzzzzz

In support of Wu .... I'm boycottin' WAT's lower half!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Wucus,I am in the same sitch as you only difference is I am not African American. My WS, A with a white women rocked me to the core. I had to access everything I believed in and also a life long struggle against racism.

I live in a country where we were racially oppressed by the white folks. We had to fight for our freedom. Life was not easy for us blacks. We were segregated in every aspect of life. We were looked upon as the inferior race.

Nine years after we have gained democracy, we are still fighting racial prejudice. Just this time it is different. There is no obvious hostility against you but you can feel the under currents. Jokes are still being made about your race but this time not in your face but at their private parties.

one of the first things I've asked my H after D day was "Why a white women" knowing our history. He said she was different to other white women.
(Fog talk - As we were not allowed by our country laws during "apartheid" to date white folk.) So both of us never dated people outside our own race group.

Our cultures are so diverse. Now that he is living with her it stares me in my face daily. As she still have the attitude that she is of the superior race she is enforcing her culture and values onto my kids. To counter act this I am making my kids politically aware. Where we come from and that they must be proud they are black.

In therapy Ws said that he could not believe that this white women was interested in him. The life he is giving her goes beyond me. Financially, there were many struggles. Lots of things we could not afford because of financial constraints. Now, all the things that I desired and wanted during our marriage he is giving her.

Financially, he cannot afford it but I wonder if she knows this. He will most probably not tell her that he is in arrears with a couple of his retirement annuities, neither will he tell her that he did not pay our kids school fees for a couple of months or that he owes me money.

To maintain her standard of living (which I actually doubt she had before she met him) he must now let the people suffer who cares about him. He has reached the point where he only wants to pay me a measly pittance for maintenance and is trying to get me out of the house for which we worked so hard for.

So as you can see, I am not only dealing with the betrayal of a husband but also the betrayal that he could leave me for a white woman. It is like being back in the struggle years.

As for me - I will not allow this woman to break my self esteem or confidence. I am gorgeous, I have cultural and moral values, I am educated, I have religious values, family values, I am black and I am proud of it.

Where do this come from - Being part of the struggle for liberation of our country. So how can I let one white woman break my spirit.

My H, a white confessed his affair to me and told me she was white, and in fact she was black. Unprotected sex with a Mozambican girl....do you KNOW the incidence of AIDS in that country?

It was, for him, he later confessed, forbidden fruit, he always wanted to sleep with a black girl....felt they were sexier. I felt at the time it was an area I just could not compete in.

Now I realise that she was the first to throw herself at him and he tooki it up. But why lie to me about her race? It is beyond me, except that he knew I would freak about the AIDS issue.

Thankfully we are clear, but it was a lucky escape IMHO. NOT saying that Blacks have AIDS.....I am saying that it is KNWN to be much more prevalent in Mozambique, and yet my highly educated and mostly smart WS/X did it anyway.

Love and light,

Jacky

Thanks for the support Pep.lol, Wor.. I am sure you are the good kind of Sweed.lol

Thank you Ginny for your story. I am too a beautiful, intelligent black woman. My husband's actions just shows his lack of respect for himself and his beautiful black daughters. It has made me look at him with more pity than anything. He seems caught in a trap that he can not escape from and I am tired of trying to free him. I have to free myself!!!

The funny thing is I too was afraid of Aids. Anyone could have it. Too yucky to talk about. Thanks all. wu

In my case, my had 3A's and 2 of them were with black men. My W and I are both white. The fact that they were black didn't really make much difference, although I know EXACTLY what Pep means by the demonizing thing, but in the long run it was irrelevant. What REALLY hurt was that the first black man (OM#1) happened to be a VERY good friend of mine (or so I thought). I "demonized" in my reactions by distancing myself from my other friends. If two of my best friends could do this (W and OM#1) what about my other friends? Anyway, color race whatever is really a non-issue, betrayel is betrayel. What is your situation now, if we may ask?

MTD

Hi Madly...: My situation now is one of great sadness. My WS and I sleep in seperate rooms and I basically ignore him. It is difficult for me to look at him or to be in the same room with him. I have not acted out for our children's sake and simply because that has had no benefit in the past.

Yesterday he came to me and asked if there was a way for us to get past this. It has only been a week since I found out about him and OW for the umpteenth time. I told him that I did not know at the moment. And he turned and walked away. I have no idea how to move on from this. I truly believe if OW said the right thing he would be back in her arms. When this first came to light last Saturday I asked him if he thought he needed some help and he said no. If you could have seen this broken pitiful man. I felt sorry for him. But I am not his mother and in some ways i feel like I have tried to be in this marriage. I have to let him do something!!!!! If he wants a marriage and happy family he needs to put forth the effort. I am just plain tired and afraid.

This morning I thought that I would suggest he come here and read but he has seen me here. He knows it exists. He can see all the books on the shelf. There is information available but he wants me to forgive him and act like everything is okay like so many times before. I can not do it.

I just don't know what to do. I really need some time just to get over the disgust of it all. So thanks for asking. wu