i know her number . . . do i call her? if so, what do i say??

j

It depends on why you want to talk to her. You haven't given any details about your story, but IMHO, it is almost never a good idea to call OW. You can't trust her to give you any true info, and it just might make the whole A more exciting for her if she knows you are anxious.

It's hard, I've had OW's number for 5 months or so, and there are plenty of times I've wanted to call just to hear what her voice is like. Be strong, it probably won't help you to call, and it just might hurt.

Hello
That depends in ur motives and if u feel you are prepared for what???

There is a mayor post here about contacting OW... I just can not find it right now...

I'll post when I find

Post ur story so we got a wider eye...
Thanks

Why would you call her?

Welcome to MB...
I think we all need more details about your M etc... kids?
I had OW telephone number ..... it was hard no to figure out which one it was on the cell bill...
I did call her and was very calm and told her to let us work on our marriage and forget about him. Her reply was I could never forget M.... The whole conversation lasted 45 seconds if that. Did I feel better... in some ways yes in others no.
I'm almost 1 1/2 years past d-day 1 and I still get the urge to call her....for what? To see if she has moved on with her life. Probably has but unfortunately she'll always be a thorn in my side. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is still a part of my life that I am trying very hard to wipe out. Contacting her would only bring her back into my marriage and I definately don't want that.
It's something you will have to decide for yourself. Is she still part of your H's life or has he cut off contact?
I'm really sorry that this situation brings you into our "club"... but there are great people here who can help you.
SH01

i haven't read up on what all the acronyms mean. i'm new to this so be patient if it's longwinded!!! recently my H went to AZ to visit an old, old friend. he had a great time. i was happy that they reunited. the hard part is that he also reunited with friend's sister. i didn't think anything of it until a couple of weeks ago i went to Paris on a trip with my sister and i heard that not only did she come in to town . . .she came alone without her husband. the woman was sleeping in my bed, using my car to get to family and friends' homes and things starting churning. i recently realized that our normally detailed cell phone bill is only a statement no detail . . . so i went online and figured out that he is talking to her at work and on their cell phones several times during the day (EVERY SINGLE DAY) while i am at work (he's home, injured). not only that after i go to bed he gets back on the phone with her at 1 a.m.!!! for well over 100 minutes each time. i confronted him. he says she's nothing more than old friend and they like to talk to each other . . . "what's wrong with a guy having a friend who is female?" he says. this is just killing me. i don't know what to do

6/95 met H
2/97 had our daughter
6/99 married
2/03 met OW
still talking to her. i managed to figure out how to get in his voicemail. "HI, I'm actually calling you ON TIME and you're not answering your phone? It's about 12 o'clock, I'm just eating lunch now so I'll be outside and I'll have my cell phone. You can call me here till about 12:30 or you can call me later this afternoon on the work number okay? Talk to you later, byee"

Here is one of those threads

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=009585#000012

thank you . . . I am reading thru the thread now . . .

I was desparate to talk to/ meet the OW. Don't really know why - part of my obsession. I wrote one email and left one VM but she would never return call (go figure). Finally 6 mths into this mess I forced a confrontation with her while she was at my H's apt. and H was at my house caring for the children.

I enjoyed the satisfaction of her shock and discomfort over meeting me and it helped me to see her as a real person with flaws (not the angel that my husband had discribed her as) but if anything it made her dig her heels in even stronger to win this "battle" over my husband. It also made me look controling and like I have to have things my way.

She sees me as the competition and wants to beat me at this game. That didn't help on the few times that my H came back home.

So, I'd say that you have to weigh the pros and cons. I would be doubtful that you could "talk her into" leaving your H alone. But I could be wrong.

jirac1

OW and I talk all the time. She wanted to talk to me. Funny thing H had been lying to both of us.I think I trust her more than him. At least she knows I'm not the monster he made me out to be. It did make me feel better knowing what kind of woman my kids were around. You need to use your own jugment. She has even let her son sleep over at my house. Although sometimes it is akward.

Good luck Kathy

i'm not sure that i want to be the OW's friend, i don't think that would be in my best interests, but i do think she should know how i feel and i have OWH's number too. maybe he would be interested in the information i have. i just checked H's voicemail box . . . he deleted her messages. i'm leaning in favor of calling her and her H

jiraci, does your H know you know of Affair? Has he broken up with her? or Affair still ongoing?
If he's still seeing her, then call her and tell her Husband.
The night I found out about my H's A, I called where he and OW were. Then I sent her H all their emails. I talked to her as my H would not come on phone. but it stopped them in their tracks and then she had the gall to call me a bit-- for telling her H!LOL
The sooner they know you know, the better. And telling her H is first place to start after talking to her.
More on your story would be helpful.
I believe in letting it all out to OW and their spouses. That wy they can't easily carry on their little fantasies! Why the hell should we allow them to think they're safe?
In fact, I threatened OW so that she was scared to death and told my H neve contact her again.
I say go for the jugular!
LouLou

Why call her???

Married people do not need friends of the opposite sex and they mostly definately do not need to talk for 100 minutes at a time!!!!

Ok!! So xH had an EA with a friend from 20 years in the past and got caught up in the "what if's and what could have been's" Now he is living the what if and I am living happily with our three kids. And he is paying me nicely!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LouLou, H knows that I know but swears that its nothing. But sure enough last night I checked outgoing mail on our home PC and he sent e-mails to her. I immediately blocked her address from our account. The e-mails don't say anything but they are pictures of his trip out there (AZ). I am bound and determined to rid my life of this woman. Just a couple more days until the new phone bill arrives. We'll see what it holds. j.

jiraci. The phone calls are a dead giveaway. Also, I'd install spyware on my computer. the ivisible kind so he doesn't know.
My FWH had secret email accts to contact OW. I found all their emails to each other and proof of PA. Trips to Fl to visit each other!
I would have never known had my son not tipped me off and I went hunting on site he frequently visited. Found out his screen name by typing in his usualy email addy and pertinent info they asked. Then after I got the screen name we easy to get the password. It was on Yahoo which is easier and iwin.com. Some are not as easy to get so you need invisible spyware. Go look online. I think you can get for a bout $40. Then you'll be able to see exactly every keey stroke and what he writes and her emails back!
He's simply lying! God bless, LouLou