WH visited yesterday, overall not a bad visit, though it did start out with an argument, the usual rehashing of everything that's happened over the past 3-mos. since D-Day.
He displayed anger, I stayed relatively calm, though I did get emotional at times.
He really does not see how it could ever be possible for us to get back what we had and move forward in our M.
This is frustrating for me now that I've done the reading, seen from this site that Recovery is possible.
He sees it as hopeless! A typical feeling for WS I would assume. I did get him to take SAA, and he said he would read it. I also said that he is not alone in how he feels, that if he wanted to "meet" people who have been in his shoes I could "introduce" him. He of course doesnt know that I am refering to this MB forum. I just wish he knew that he is not alone in what he is feeling. But I don't want to push and am not sure he is ready for this site & what it can offer.
Yesterday's mixed messages:
-Screaming, "I hate your guts", who was he trying to convince, me or himself? I responded that I don't hate him, just what he's done. I still love him and don't want to throw away 20 yrs. based on the past few mos. And then he said "I'm sorry to have left you with all the kid stuff, I know it's hard" & "I remember good stuff too"
-Later, after he ran his errands that had brought him to town in the 1st place. He stayed for supper, had a nice sit down meal with the kids and then dropped off S at practice. Fixed the Dog's Run. Talked about Circus and upcoming concerts, calm friendly chit chat.He's usually in more of a hurry to leave.
-When discussing April vacation and the kids visiting him, he said, well if they can't come down because of schedules, then maybe I'll come here for a few days and get some stuff done around the house, yardwork and things.
(Spring yardcare is my busiest chore and I wasn't going to ask, so I hope he does, he hasn't shown interest in the house for months)
I know this is a confusing and sad time for him too. I want to be able to reach out and gently show him where to find help & understanding before any more damage is done and it's too late for us.
For now,I'll settle for the fact that he took SAA and just pray that he reads it!
Any advice about gentle pushing in the right direction...
