Kind of a stupid question I know, but.....

POJA is and has always been "what he ultimately wants"-

He has a knack, no a manipulative personality that knows how to get what he wants. For example, he wants to leave for the weekend with his friends, I say "I really don't want you going" his reply "I have to be who I am- I have always been this way etc.....

Hmmmmmm doesn't leave much room for "growing stronger together" huh?

Trust- What are the chances of a marriage working when one (me) does not trust the other?

Too many comments from friends who have known us both for years, these come from both male and female friends, let's see
1) I'd keep an eye on him.
2) keep him on a short leash.
3) I don't respect him (this one from a male friend of husbands, would not tell me the "why" for this comment but stated that he respected my desire and commitment to the marriage but did not respect my husband, he and my husband have not really had much to do with each other in years) YIKES I see a pattern here- ya think? Also said husband was a very self centered selfish person, hmmmmm my blinders fell off a while back and I think I think I can see clearly now.

Just venting- not really feeling anything- apparantly things are not just peachy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Feeling like I have lost the battle and just want to give up- I don't think the "prize" has been worth the pain <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hope everyone else has a fantastic day tomorrow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your H is one of many who needs a swift whack from the MB fairy's 2x4!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (but that's no surprise to hear, AGAIN, is it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

It's obvious that your H prefers to continue in his selfish behaviours (mine did the same, as I'm sure you know).

Now...

.... how about YOU, k9love? What do YOU want to do?

Karen

Thanks Topie! Yeah, but I don't know if even a good old 2 x 4 would make a difference- has somewhat of a hard head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What do I want to do? That's a good question, I have been thinking about it a lot lately. If I assess the most important needs in a marriage (my point of view) husband is hitting an all time low (AGAIN) pre affair- during affair BUT amazingly, was "trying" to make an effort after the affair.

Now, I almost feel worn out, literally. I know I love him, but I deserve better!!!

At this point, I am not interested in looking, I went back to school to finish my degree- that is what's causing all my turmoil- I truly intend on leaving- I just tell myself- you've put up with it for 23 years now, you can put up with it for another year until you are set financially.

I can't talk to him- He hears, but he doesn't do anything to change things. As far as he's concerned he has made HUGE changes for me. True, there have been changes, but this marriage had HUGE problems before the A- his A just managed to completely destroy any trust I could possibly ever have.

He's such a talker, charmer, manipulator. Knows all the "right things" to say when push comes to shove. But it's not sincere, just rambling. Sorry

How are things going for you? I have read a few of your posts and my heart goes out to you. I wished we lived close enough to get together to just let it all hang out- know what I mean?

This forum is the only place I feel that others truly understand- being from the same perspective.

Ah well, take care

me

I had forgotten about your schooling, assuming you've mentioned it before on here. That's just AWESOME! So you DO have a plan, and you are actually in the midst of it right now. That in itself must bring some HUGE relief to you. And I think you're right... one more year really won't hurt any. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wish there were more MBers my way too. But alas, if there are, they don't post on here much! Once I get my full drivers license, and of course, a CAR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , I plan on making lots of road trips with my boys. If I'm still using MB in the summer of 2004, I have every intention on meeting some MBers in person... I'll drive! Until then... people are more than welcome to visit me in London, Ontario. There's not much sight seeing to do in town (except for during the Western Fair in September)... but it's only a 2 hour drive from downtown Toronto where there's a LOT more to do.

All things considered, things are going okay for me.. thanks for asking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm feeling REALLY down this weekend, as we're being stuck inside with a major ice storm and mild head colds. I just want to go shopping! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm in the midst of getting more counselling set up for myself... something more regular than once every 3 weeks. I will also be asking my doctor to put me on anti d's again... I'm stuck in a rut and it's bugging me (much of it is weather related... s.a.d. ... but a lot of it is not and THAT is what I need to work on).

I know all too well what you mean about coming here to "talk" with people who truly understand. I can't imagine NOT having any MB friends now... it just wouldn't be right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Topie:

I don't think it would take an afternoon drive to visit you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You are a long ways from me. I live in the southwestern part of the U.S. I have also been in Canada and know the area you are living in.

Small world, two thousand miles apart, yet so much in common.

Sorry to hear about your weather- (I remember Canada for it's winters) Here, I hate to admit was a balmy 80 degrees today. Gotta admit, I hate the scenery but the temperature is fantastic.

Well, it's late, trying to finish homework and just pooped out.

Take care, hopefully you'll be able to get out and about soon. I know how crazy it can get when one is cramped in.

Well, gotta go, having a lot of trouble typing.....need sleep

ps- I shall try to send some of our weather up your way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />