Ok we have heard about the fog, but does a WS ever really love the OP and they aren't in the fog about it?

I'd like to know the answer to this too...

Ok bump can we get anymore responses??

I never loved the OM. He said he loved me, but my response to that was that I loved my H. Messed up I know, but I didn't really love the OM.

To be honest though, I'm sure some people do genuinely love the OP, maybe that 2% that go on to marry and live happily ever after.

Although in your H's case, at this point he seems incapable of a good, loving relationship with you or her or anyone for that matter.

Just my 2 cents worth!

Jen

No, it was never love. It was the excitment and the lust. It was the secrets and the lies that fuels it. I always knew I loved my husband. Even when I was with the OP I thought a lot about my husband at home. There is a certain truth that there is a great deal of comfort in knowing your spouse so well and him knowing you just as much. I know it sounds crazy but for me it stopped me from leaving my H and son for OP. Which I thank my H for having the strength for hanging in there through all the troubled times. I'm not very good with my words tonight but I just had to say NO it was never that deep emotional love I have with my H, it was Lust and the game of it all.

Ugh I almost hate to read these threads at times. My wife swears both to me and the counselor that she always loved me and never considered leaving.

I know this to be true because I hid a recorder in her car. It caught her breakup/no contact call with the OM where she told him that she always said she loved me and that couldn't continue to see each other.

Boy this takes me back as if all this was yesterday....oh well its all part of the process.

As the BS, I'd love to hear more responses from the Men. WH's.
I read letters my H signed to her saying he loved her, even planned divorce and to marry each other. When I caught him the first day home I ask him if he loved her more than he did me. He said yes! Then stepped back and said "Or I thought I did".
17 months later now, he tells me it was never love and that he always loved me. Was never planning to leave me, it was all BullS to get her in bed! And that also turned out to be a dud.
I think it was a fantasy he's had for years over our own troubles and thinking back on his old HS sweetheart. Turned out they were totally incompatible in many ways. But she provided him with the EN at time, friendship, lovey and full of promises she couldn't keep when they finally met face to face after 43 yrs!
For gosh sake, I even think he was blinded thinking he was in love. He should have resented the pic she sent him when he first saw her and found out the pic was like 10 to 15 yrs old!
Talk about fooling someone. LOL
Some do think they're truly in love,but it's a very few number. Most who do leave S for OP, and marry, like 5% make it. The other 95% fail!
It still bothers me too. I think it may always, But he is here with me, working hard at happiness. And says he always loved me and would have been miserable had he given me up for her.
Believe your H if he says it was all fantasy! Because it was!
God bless, LouLou

I hope it is just fog, but after everything he does right now, I honestly think he loves her. He said she never lied to him, but she was married and had many affairs and is letting a married man live with her and be with her kids when she has them. So I told my H that she is no better than the OM that I cheated on him with. He said probably not so why is he with her still and goes back to her? If only my h would see all the good and how much I stuck by him throughout our marriage instead of the bad I did. The good out numbers the bad by a long shot. I told him I forgave hime so many times why can't he and he said he wishes he could, but can't. He still does not know what he wants her or me and his family. I made my mistakes, but I know I want my husband and family to be together. I feel remorsefull for what I did, but he does not believe me. She loves him so much and would do anything for him. She also told me I was making her life miserable. I guess she is so jealous of me she doesn't like him talking to me at all, even about the kids. But yet she can talk to her exhusband whenever she wants. My h has no clue as to what is going on with his children's lives. I thought I knew what I wanted when I cheated on my H, but I was wrong and I made a mistake by talking to him in December, but ever since I found out about my h's gf he just kept on throwing everything in my face and not before that.

At the time, I felt I loved OM very much. He loved me too, I believed. He relocated from quite far to be near me, and left a family...and a great job for a lesser one here. In many ways he showed great devotion to me, and I to him. We both lost marriages over our infidelity. (not sure if his divorce is final, we've had NC since JUly- I'm divorced)

In the end though, it wasn't really love. It was about trying to find some sort of 'something', instead of rebuilding our own damaged marriages with our spouses. Also avoiding looking at the damage within each of us, too. He and I had great'passion' for each other, but not long term love. It wasn't even just about sex, not at all. He and I could talk for hours and hours, and that's clearly something I hadn't had with my spouse in years. He and I seemed to understand each other in a way that I'd never experienced before with someone I hadn't known for so long. Now I realize he was probably just a great reader of others, and he knew how to say what I wanted to hear.

Just my take on happened with me,
H_P

at the time I felt like I loved OM too.Now I relaize how insane that was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It wasn't just lust I felt with him, I did feel this instantanious love at first sight thing. For example, my h when we were dating professed his love to me after about 10 days. Thats sorta how I felt twords OM.

I think that if all things being different, we probably could have had a commited relationship for a while, don't know about marriage, I really did not know him.

Now though I realize it was nothing compared to what i feel for my H. I love him so much. I think I did stop loving him for a while, at the time I was so ANGRY at him for not filing my needs.

so in the end did I love the OM? No I did not. I just wanted someone to love me really.

Hello there,

I asked my WH/FWH what was that OW did that he liked that perhaps, I could do? He said nothing? He also said that OW is not the type of woman you would marry. He said that once he told her that he "I can tell when you are lying"..."When ever you open your mouth." Somehow the latter comments didn't make me feel that great! WH was willing to risk everything for someone he'd never marry.

WR

I can offer the opinions of a FWH. During the time of the A, I had told the OP that I loved her. Boy was I wrong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I merely was mirroring what she was telling me.

It was never love, I liked the attention and the fact that (most of the time) the OP seemed happy to see/talk to me.

At the time, my W was going through a severe depression and what I as doing certainly wasn't helping. I was so stupid. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know now and feel now what I should/could have done in my situation. I was immature and did not know how to help my W with what she was going through.

In response to your question:

NO, it was never love; not to any definition of the word or the emotion.

Good Luck!