I was going to post this in the D/D BB but decided not too.

O.K.....I am sitting here at work right now, thinking about the events of the last couple of weeks and trying to figure out things.

Brief rundown for those who missed the last episode...

1). MLW are doing great...talk about another child. Crazy sex and much affection.
2). I find email address from which MLW is still emailing OM and give big speech on honesty. I am a hypoctite because I was hiding a PA I had back in Dec
3). The PA I had comes to light
4). MLW is upset that I lied to her (understandibly). I had taken the Godly christian stand but had kept my PA a secret, playing the poor betrayed husband role while other looked down on what she did.
5). MLW says she is relieved because now she doesnt have to do this anymore. That she never wanted to go through this, she never loved me and doesn't like me. Divorce is her choice, says it is better for all involved.

That is it in a nutshell.

Someone asked me.... What is God trying to teach me or show me through this?

One thing came to mind very quickly. I should trust Him. By me Having a PA I displayed little faith on my part. I kept asking for MLW's heart to open to me but it wasn't happening. I questioned God if this was ever going to happen. That is when my faith cracked. The PA soon followed. I wasn't patient. I wanted things done on my schedule not His. I know that God has forgave me for my A the second I confessed it to Him...which didn't take very long. But I had just done the very same thing to MLW that I was so adamantly against. Showed a huge lack of respect for my wife. He gave me free will and I used it foolishly.

Another was that I wasn't through growing in Christ. I was over-confident, too proud and thought I was doing all the right things all the time. I placed myself above my adulterous wife, how dare she sin so bad. We all know what God says about "proud men." Over the last couple of days I have received a strange sense of peace with my current circumstances. I am nervous about the outcome of my marriage and it's looming dissoulution more now than any of the other times MLW has said it is over. But that calm is in me. I think I might finally get the whole "leaving it at the cross" thing.

Truth is I really don't know for sure what God is trying to tell me. I do believe whole-heartedly that my marriage is God's will. I believe that God allows for divorce but doesnt like it. I believe that divorce is not in the best interest of my daughter. I know God is speaking to me, through the bible with verses that just "pop up", the sermon's at church and and quite a few other "coincidences" recently.

So finally after over 9 months since my lovely wife's first d-day and 3 months after my PA, I believe I have finally put this in God's hands. I pray that I leave it there.

Doug, Like the song says, "Keep me in your will Lord so I dont get in your way!"

Best for now is to pray and ask for your marriage to be renewed. God can change our hearts, and he does not want us to divorce especially with children involved.

Those little pop ups and coincidences, those are God speaking to you! Isn't he wonderful!
It is amazing how he shows us scriptures and/or answers when we need it the most. Start each day expecting a Blessing and he will send them to you, but you have to be willing to look for them.

The best to you!

wife,

thanks for the encouragement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know that He is speaking and I need to trust that I am hearing Him. I try to get up and read the bible and pray morning. My lovely wife went to a women's conf at a local church and got the idea and we implemented this idea at home. I know that this has helped us both grow closer to God.

I received a letter from my mother today. It was probably some of the best words I have ever read. How do parents get so smart????

I worry about our daughter and pray for God to keep her close to Him.

thanks again

I dont know but thank God for loving Mothers!

Doug, the more you pray and read the closer you will become, that is the wonderful part, he says all we have to do is seek and he will listen.

I will keep you in my prayers also.

Keep praying!

I am so confused. I feel lost. I know God is with me through this but it hurts so bad.

I professed to love my lovely wife so much and yet I did this?

<small>[ April 08, 2003, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: d_rose ]</small>