where to begin....3 years ago and after a few rocky years in our marriage that included a 6 month separation, my wife and I renewed our vows...The separation was due to my drug addiction and the lack of GOD in my life....However, during that 6 month separation, I gave my life to God and he worked a miracle in my wife..He changed her heart and after intensive counseling, she and I renewed our wedding vows..The past 3 years have been very happy..She and i have grown closer to each other in some ways, however, during that time, my relationship with my heavenly father became weak and eventually non existant..Well, after 3 years clean, I had a relapse..(I KNOW this relapse happened due to my Self-centeredness and by me pushing God out of my life....)...When my wife first found out about the relapse, she asked me to leave. I decided to seek treatment to make sure this never happened again...After being separated 2 days, my wife and I talked and she said that she loved me enough to help me with this problem for the rest of our lives...Of course, I was thrilled with this news! We paid a visit to our Christian counselor and I began working on my addiction. Also, we started each morning with prayer and devotion-this lasted about about 8 days. This past Saturday, my wife went thru a major "change of heart" ...she said that she didnt think that she loved me anymore and by sunday morning, she wouldnt pray with me and she was once again wanting to separate..As Sunday progressed, she made the statement that she was feeling better about us...this week, we started M-W off with prayer and devotion (however, she no longer wanted us to pray outloud together!)...When I came home wednesday, she said that our marriage was over. She stated that she loved me, that she cared for me a great deal, that she was seeking God's will, but she did not want to be married to me anymore! She also stated that she was no longer "in-love" with me because our marriage was lacking trust, respect, and intimacy.I know all of these things were lost due to my addiction! She further stated that God's will was for us to separate and she wanted me to leave..I replied back to her that God can heal us (if we seek his guidance) and that I would not leave the home because I was standing firm for this marriage! Therefore, she decided to go to her parents home...Since wed night, I have had virtually no contact with her...I am praying for her and I am praying for healing in this marriage...She and I both use the same Christian counselor and I know that she is still planning on seeing him! She made it very clear that she needed space...She also made the following statements: She said, "I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that a burden has been lifted off of me.". Personally, I believe that you always feel better when you are away from the battle! She can open up a new checking account, she can move out, and she can avoid wearing her wedding rings---eventually though, she is going to be out of things to do and she will then have to deal with this situation.
like i said, She has made it very clear that she needed time away from me. She has stated that she knows that I am trying to reconcile but she thinks that we are too far past that point. She stated that when we talk, she feels like I am being manipulative because I am trying to make her think like me and that pushes her further away from me! 2 weeks ago, my wife met with our Christian counselor and on Tuesday, I met with him. The counselor has stated that my wife appears to be "running from God" right now because she is afraid of what his will may be. He also stated that she believes I am hiding behing God and that she is the "bad guy" isn this situation. She is getting a lot of pressure from her mother (a VERY spiritual woman) to work this out! The counselor also stated that when all is said and done, he believed my wife would do the right thing but right now she states that she is just "tired"! He said that there is nothing that I can do to make the situation better but that I could make it a lot worse! He told me to keep conversation light, avoid "us" conversations, and to give her space. As the week progressed, I didnt talk to her much but when I did she was much more pleasant to me! She has told some family members that she doesnt know what she is going to do and that she just has to pray about it!The thing that gets me is that my wife and I have had a wonderful few years (after the renewal of vows). I think the relapse has just been a major blow to her trust in me (obviously). The one thing that seems to be bothering me is that my wife seems to be "running from God-according to the counselor..She has stated to her mother that she isnt ready to go to church and she isnt ready to read her bible.. She has only stated that she is praying about the situation....This bothers me but I know that this is a problem that God will have to solve...Her spirituality, I cannot control....
Anyway, nothing new has really happened..We have emailed a few times (about financial matters) but she has not taken anymore steps to separate herself further..Besides taking some clothes and opening her own bank account, she has left all of her stuff at the house with me...She has told family that she doesnt want to get anymore stuff out of the house...(Its been a month and she hast filed for divorce nor has taken anything but some clothes.) in the past 2 weeks, she has come over to the house about 3 or 4 times...Only one of those times she mentioned dthe marriage was over. The other times she was nice (we actually laughed together and joked with each other.) When she sees all of this work I have done on our new house, it is like it makes her mad that I am just not sitting in a house with boxes,but instead have continued to fix the home up and unpack boxes.So, she goes off on me....
Sorry this post is so long, but i thought it were important for everyone to understand all of the facts! ANY ADVICE or INSIGHT would be greatly appreciated

Prayer is your best bet for now...pray for your marriage, pray for God to change your wifes heart.

Ask others for the same prayers, lots of prayer can sure change things!

God Bless you!

i could still use some advice if anyone has any to offer...thanks-Ben

Ben,

I know you have the addiction problem, but are there other reasons why this recent relapse of yours was especially difficult for your W? Were you really mean or harsh with her? Was there a previous "stay clean or you're out" type of understanding? How do you think your actions affected your wife?

The reason I'm asking is because there isn't enough to your story to explain the sudden change of heart. Maybe you had some major blowout or spent your entire retirement fund on drugs. Or something else.

How does she "go off on you" about boxes and fixing the house? It sounds kind of unfair that she would do that to you for doing what seems like good things.

Anyway, just trying to get a better handle on things before suggesting anything.

Hey, thanks so much for the reply...No, this relapse occured right after I got a kidney Stone (was on narcotics for stone)..I kept taking the meds for about a few weeks after I had passed the stone. During that time, we were in the process of moving into our new house. She was VERY happy during this time. We never fought, I was never out partying, I was always at home helping her..She was talking about having kids as a matter of fact..So, I am confused too! After the relapse, I have done everything humanly possible to work on the addiction. Like I said, at first she was very supportive and now-well
She has only "gone off" on me once when she has come over. She said that we needed to sell the house and I didnt need to work in it anymore. Also, she stated that she had made a decision and that she doesnt love me anymore because we lack trust and respect in our marriage! The funny things is, she will come by the house but never take anything with her. Like last night, she came over to get a button for a dress. Rather than get the entire bag of buttons and leave, she looked for one button and put the bag of buttons back in her dresser. Confusing huh?

Ben,
You posted your question in the infidelity forum. Do you suspect an A?

I understand your feeling of confusion and frustration, I wouldn't be surprised if your W isn't a little bit annoyed that you aren't sulking around the house. Remember, it is up to you to repair things within yourself.

It is very important for you and for her for you to get clean and stay clean. If she says that you understand how important it is to her, it will probably help.

I have to wonder why her feelings about your M seems to fluctuate so much.....

Anyways, good luck.

I Love My Pookey !!!!!

I'd spend some energy and try to rule out the possibility that there isn't a third-party involved. Couples usually don't separate like this without some catalyst. Since you didn't provide one in your replies, it might make sense to see if your W may be withholding something major from you.

Like LMPookey pointed out, you did post on an infidelity forum.