... and I'm NOT happy about it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Today was a scheduled criminal court appearance (by at least his lawyer... I don't know if he must attend every date), and I assumed that today would be the day that his lawyer would put forth a motion to alter H's recognizance so that he would be able to see the kids.

Well, it happened. The conditions have been changed, and it's exactly in the way I did NOT want it to happen. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Supervised visitation has been granted, with my FIL and/or my MIL as the supervisors of the boys with H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have no problem with my MIL supervising. I trust that she would report any wrongdoings that could occur. However, with my FIL, he is a fence sitter by nature, and I do not believe he would report any wrongs, if they occurred (this same man did not want me to call the police about the child porn that I found, b/c it would mean H would probably go to jail, and that meant he couldn't pay child support!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

I didn't get the final word on the changes until a few minutes before 5pm. And this motion went before the courts LAST WEEK!! (april 2nd) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> My victim witness assistance program counsellor didn't know about it (the file didn't come to her as it should), nor did my lawyer know about it. I left a message with my lawyer's assistant to have my lawyer call me, and after an hour when I didn't hear back, I sent her an email asking if there is anything more, from a legal standpoint, that I can do to change this.

I also left a voicemail message with my CAS worker, asking the same things. You see, I signed a contract with CAS (children's aid society), and in it, I agreed that I would not knowingly expose my children to danger. That I agree that I will only allow them to be with someone who is well aware of the whole situation, and that I believe would report any misdemeanors, should they occur. I do not believe my FIL is that person.

In a case conference in late March, it was noted that my in laws would only be available to supervise visitations once a month (they live a 2 hour drive away). I don't think that is fair to the kids. I have asked that I have H's phone number, so that Eric (the oldest - he's almost 4 yrs old) can talk to him if he wants to, inbetween visits. And as far as the twins go... seeing their dad once a month is hardly enough. They won't remember him between visits at this age (they only just turned 2 yrs old in February). Not to mention, they haven't seen H (or his family) in MONTHS (september and november), and although kids adjust easily, I'm concerned about them. After all, I'll be loading them into their grandparents mini-van, with a person they don't even know (FIL), on their way to see their dad (again, who they don't even know). I'm crying at the trauma my boys could go through!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

And I don't know what more I can do.

Any advice? Are there any questions you can think of that would be good for me to address my lawyer with?

Karen
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

P.S. Thank goodness I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I plan on asking to go on some anti-d's again. This is too much.

((((((TOPIE)))))))

i am sorry you are going through this. i dont have any words of wisdom--just let the lawyers handle it. see what they can do.

be strong-im here if you want to talk

Hello Topie

I don't know much about laws there but I wanted u to know that I understand very much ur concern about visitations and a manly figure in your kids...
I'll pray for you

Take care

((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))

Sending prayers, hugs and good vibes your way Lady.

Good luck at the doctor today and with any correspondence you have with your lawyer and CAS.

Love ya!
Lady K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Topie-

I grieve for your family, in your current situation. It's hard when our children (any children) have to suffer for the consequences of others. If your children were older, then you could better explain that he's being punished & not they. However, at this age, that's hard. Keep your chin up ~ you're in my prayers.

~C~

Well, I've talked to my CAS worker, and she is going to bring my concerns to her supervisor. If possible, my "contract" (voluntary service agreement) with CAS will be altered to include that I am not to let my FIL be the sole supervisor during access, due to his previous actions and behaviours. If possible, it may also include something along the lines of there being no non-family members allowed to be present during any visitations (eg any current OW, his buddy guy friend who tried to attack me, or anyone else for that matter - I do NOT trust H's judgement in "friends", and with good reason). She will be coming to my house on Thursday afternoon to discuss this, and will have the new contract with her to be signed, IF it is possible according to CAS policy and procedure.

I have also heard back from my lawyer, and wrote to her asking that she arrange a meeting with her, myself, and H's family lawyer, so that we may hash out details of the visitations (how long, when, the no non-family members present, etc). My ideal situation would be that these visitations occur at the actual supervised visitation facility with PROFESSIONAL counsellors, children's workers, and supervisors. According to the changes in the bail conditions, H COULD go there for visitation, BUT ONLY IF one or both of his parents accompanied him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> The law is really crazy sometimes.

I am so stressed. Thank goodness I'll be seeing my doctor today. I leave in about 30 minutes for my appt.

nikko: I might just call you. Not tonight though, as my dad is here, and staying overnight. Perhaps tomorrow night? You'll know if I do, obviously! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

matilde: Thanks for the prayers. My boys (unknowingly) need them in this situation.

Knewjie: Thanks for the hugs. They are much needed. So are the prayers.

TheCalypso: The boys' ages are exactly why I'm so stressed in this situation. They are just too young to understand much of what is going on. In many ways, it would almost be better for them if no visitation were granted, period. That might very well be the case in a year from now, once the final criminal trial takes place. In the meantime, I must keep on doing what I'm doing.

Karen

This is good news lady!

I'll keep the prayers and hugs coming.

You have my number, call if you want to.

Love ya!
K