I read. I understand. Why can't I put anything into practice?? I don't think I can do this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Last night I called my fiance, and got into a huge fight with him. He ended up calling me back, to straighten things out a bit...but it was still bad. I just can't get him saying "Leave me alone!" out of my head.

I know I shouldn't even have called him. So why did I?

I've been told to dump him. That I am lucky we aren't married. But we have been together over 4 years, and it feels like we are married. No legal ties, just emotional ones. This is the biggest relationship of my life. I can't just walk away, and I am astounded how he can do it.

Says he is thinking of moving back to his home state. I don't know if he means it, or if he is saying it out of frustration. It's almost like he is schizophrenic. (My mom thinks he may seriously have a problem...she's noticed his mood swings for a while.) There is nothing for him there. And he can't even afford to move. But maybe I am driving him away.

But I panic, because I feel if we haven't talked for a few days, then he'll forget about me. Some say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but I fear "out of sight, out of mind."

I can't handle this. My stomach is sick. I cry instantaneously. I keep hoping he will stick to his word and see a therapist before he does anything permanent (break up for good, move, etc) but now I am starting to think that I need a therapist too. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know why I can't do this. Because he is a $hithead.

Just spoke on the phone. He told me to stop calling, and that he's fallen out of love with me. I told him that he owed me an explanation as to why, so I could at least try to fix myself...and he hung up on me.

Going to stay with mom, or else I will probably do something harmful. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Straycat

You've got to do it!

You have no choice, he's forcing you into a Plan B.

At his point this is your only option, i don't know what let to the break-up but you have to give him space!

Keep yourself busy, with friends work family etc.

Everytime you feel like calling him, call a friend or post here! Don't call him. Make him miss you!

Leave him alone! He'll come to his senses.
And if he doesn't, then it is his loss.

You have friends here that will help you!

And remember you are not the only one that is going thru this right at this moment!

BE strong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the support. It really does mean a lot.

I don't think this is Plan B. It's the end.

He said if I call him, he will get me for harassment.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Oh, and now he says he doesn't need a therapist. He sounds like an alien. I told him I don't even want to meet and exchange stuff until he cools down a bit. He sounds downright evil. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ April 08, 2003, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: straycat ]</small>

straycat,

Yes, you need IC. There are more to this than meet the eyes. The answer lies beneth you. You have to do self reflection, understand what you want. Do you want to be treated like [censored] ? then don't allow it. You need to get away from him for a while and really look into yourself. You don't need him to do autopsy, you could disect it from what has happened and from what he told you.

You have to give yourself permission to love yourself, to put yourself first. JMHO

-rh-

Thank you to those who replied. I am sitting here in tears right now. It's over, and I just have to try and get myself through this in one piece.

We've been together over 4 years...in his anger on Tuesday, he actually told me that he hasn't loved me for the past 2 years. Well, then he should have left sooner. He left a sad message on my phone Wednesday, and I called him back today...nothing changed...he just wanted to apologize for being so mean. He said he didn't say that "he hasn't loved me for 2 years" and I said oh yes you did say it...and he said he didn't mean it. But no change. I guess he is just trying to sound "nice" for his own conscience. Doesn't want to be responsible for my dead body lying around.

He wants to come over and exchange the last stuff we have of each other's. I told him to call another time since 1) I don't have it all packed up yet, and 2) I don't want him at the apartment. I told him it has to be at my mom's, or in a public place, because I am afraid of him. I don't want to be alone with him here. (When I asked him how he'd like it if I told his supervisor about the A, he counter-threatened me with suing me for slander, and slashing my tires.)

He is really screwed up in the head. I honestly see this as the end. And people have told me "you're lucky you weren't married, or it would have been messier." Which I guess is true. But it doesn't hurt any less. But right now I just have to get myself through this, and try to find some light at the end of the tunnel.

You go girl!

You sound a little better! At least you know what needs to get done!

One day at a time!

And yes you are lucky you can make a clean break! Get yourself together and redefine yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by straycat:
<strong>But right now I just have to get myself through this, and try to find some light at the end of the tunnel.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Learn MB and learn how to care, protect, nurture and intimate in your next R. That light at the end of tunnel could be a train to wreck you up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> or could be a hope ofr a better future <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Either way, you have your choice to make it a wreck or a hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

God Blesses you -rh-

It's hopeless. It's over. And he is a loser and a quitter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I actually saw him today...it's my birthday...and although he was suuuuuuuuuch a nice guy and went to a party last night (and chipped in for meal/gift) for a co-worker's baby shower, he only got me a card. How swell of him. So glad he cares more about what his co-workers think, than what his "family" thinks.

I thought he wanted to talk...but he didn't really want to. Everything I said, he perceived as a personal attack. He is a COWARD!!! He can't even face what he did. All he says is "I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now." He has issues. Aka mid-life crisis. Combine a childhood with an over-protective mother, and marriage/fatherhood at age 19, and he all of a sudden thinks he needs to ditch everything and be by himself. Make up for lost time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have been telling a few more people, and I guess I was silly for feeling embarrassed/a failure...because everyone is on MY side, and no one even thinks I should give him another chance.
I am starting to think they are correct. Right now I would not let him back in the apartment...and the only way I would let him try and win me back, is if he a) ate dirt, and b) went to a therapist. Maybe in time, but certainly not now.

I told him he was a quitter in many aspects of his life, and he went crazy. Truth hurts!!!

I don't even want another relationship. I only wanted him. I guess I will stay with my mom until I feel better, and then become an old cat lady or something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Animals are always loyal, and don't change their minds!

(Still haven't given his stuff back...said I did not want to do it on my birthday. He tries to be aloof, but I wonder if he really has a guilty conscience by doing this before my birthday?! One can hope.)

If you have to see him at all, I wouldn't say anything nasty. Be sweet as pie. If he is really a nutter, that way you'll avoid getting your tires slashed (as he's threatened), having the police called, etc. There's no point blaming him, or crying, or wanting to talk over things with him. He's not open to that.

If things can work out, they'll work out better without recriminations. If it's really over, at least you won't provoke him into more weirdness.

And go party with some other people!