I would like to ask a question about what is an affair my h thinks its an add-on the ow thinks its a litle bit extra I think its a take- away what do you think?

It's a take-away that looks like an add-on or a substitute to the participants - which is why they do it.

<small>[ April 10, 2003, 07:51 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

Identify your base first.

Take away from _______

Add-on from ______

Extra from ______

You may find out you are comparing apples to something rotten..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L

I think it's a theft.

Must be the new math?

An affair is a breaking of vows, dishonorable, immoral, cheating...

"Add on" & "little bit extra" seem to imply the marriage is unchanged and of the same value or state as before...and that is rarely the case, so if I were to vote, it would be a take-away...to the point of increasing negativity as the affair continues.

But what is it if the ws leaves for the op and choose the op over their family???

Thankyou very much for your responses. I am in the process of trying to change my hs attitude to his a which was a closely kept secret and lasted on and off for 30 yrs.

His attitude on discovery was that it was a separate part of his life which did no harm and was really none of my business.He also said that most people would have taken it in their stride.Although he would not go to counselling he didnt mind if I went.It was entirely my problem.

Counsellors are interfering and unprofessional, books on the subject are pop psychology and so he discredits anything that interferes with his point of view

Atogether his problem is his inability to consider any one elses feelings.The only way i have been able to convince him is to print posts from here he will pay attention when he realizes that the only motivation for writing is to find the truth as you see it .The search is to separate reality from fantasy.

I need about 10 responses to my question so I am coming back to see if I can gather some more of your reactions So would you please give it some thought and make a response.

PS in answer to goldielocks ......At the point you mention the a has become a reality and is no longer a secret and there fore no longer an a but a r in its own right .You are no longer unwittingly propping up the r. It has to exist in public and at this point becomes far more difficult to maintain because it becomes more complicated. It cant exist in isolation forever, this is where it starts to fall apart..