Ok BH, U made me giggle!!!!
Here's another funny one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> :
Different Mammogram Story
Today the Dayton Daily News published the winning entries in the Erma
Bombeck Writing Competition. 1st place in Humor category was won by Leigh
Anne Jasheway of Eugene, Oregon :
"The First Time's Always the Worst"
The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on
fire. That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me
exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right
hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly
possible from the rest of your body. Then she clamped the machine down so
tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure
Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that.
Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right breast
to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake and
still attached to my body.
"Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want to
hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying pas me, her
lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door. She yelled over her
shoulder, "The machine's on fire, I'm going to get help!"
OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can hear
from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and
semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE MACHINE in
question.
I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini couldn't
have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung (the
one that was still working). I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic
hadn't quite reached epic proportions. But then I started to smell smoke
coming from behind the partition. "This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't
die like this. What would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast
entrapment?
I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An
imaginary fireman rushed in with a firehose and a hatchet. "Howdy, ma'am,"
he said. "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes.
"My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my
imaginary fireman ran out of the room again.
"This is gonna take the Jaws of Life!"
In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. She
gave me a big smile and released me from the machine.
"Sorry! That's the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a
few minutes to relax before we finish up?"
I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in my
backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I
figured I might go back. But I was bringing my own fire extinguisher
The end.
