Well my husband started an affair last June,(or the June befor that) when they became friends. Well it has been off and on. They have been very sneeky, and lied. What is new about this, I know...

However I have spoken with her and met her in the past. She is 17 years younger than him. We have 4 children, and have been married for over 18 years. She is actually just seperated herself.(24)

I have given him the "you can leave if you want" speach. However he supposedly choise to stay. Because of the children and his family had such a fit.

I just found out 2 weeks ago that he was at her apt for a few hours Saturday. He said that they are just friends. I did something bad, and called her. Well she said if he was a man he would tell me what was REALLY going on. Then I flipped and told him to get out. I even packed his bag, and took it to his work to put in his car, but when I went to take it there, he wasn't there!

I just don't know what to do. He is such a lier. I don't want him to get away with being here, and having her! Do you think it is fine for me to insist that he write her a letter? What elese should I do.

Oh, one of my children also had told me that when I am at work at night(5-9) daddy talks on the phone to that lady again. (they all knew about the affair)

I just feel sick. I have grown from all this. I am much stronger because of God. I just don't want to go threw all that pain again. It was so painful. Yet, I don't want my family to be split. Any advice is greatly apriciated. Thank you.. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Calm down! Everyone is behaving impulsively. You have to be the one who is proceeding according to a plan, calmly! Don't make any demands -- they won't work anyway. He'll lie about compliance. Don't send him away from the house until you've had time to think and formulate what you want.

Others will write with more intelligent advice than I am. I just urge you: take a deep breath. Don't do anything right now.

Hi A.M.Martin,

I had to say something about what you said about others writing more intelligent advice than you did--what you wrote IS intelligent advice!!

That is the advice I am going to stick in my brain so that I can focus on it and follow it when the rollercoaster speeds up....we can't stop the rollercoaster but we can calm down and make a plan and follow it!

meara,

Weekends can be pretty slow around here. Check out the info pages of this site--there's a lot that can help you now in there and it can help you find calmness and help you start making a plan until experienced and successful MBers see your thread.

I hope you follow A.M.Martin's advice--it's really good advice!

meara,

I saw some of your old posts. I know there are a lot of hurt and a lot of lies and betrayals. However it seems that you still want to save this M. Right now there is nothing you could do and better leave OW and WS alone. I don't think I would tell you anything new since you got advice from very repectable MBer on your old posts but I would try again. I would advice you to re-read some of the reply to your old posts that you got and decide on what do you want ?.

We will be still here to lend our shoulder for you and our bias opinnion based on our limited experience. What do you want from us ?

Why you are doomed ?. Is it because WH left ? He could come back if he want to. Could you give a bit update since last post ?.
-rh-

<small>[ April 13, 2003, 12:45 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Well to answer you question, he is still home. She has suposedly told him that it is over. However, for Palm Sunday he insisted on going to the Spanish church we go to, instead of our childrens school church. He usually wont go anyway however.

So, when mass was almost over, the priest anounced 3 names. I was sickened to hear hers was one of them to be one of the new lectures. He swore he didn't know she would be there. It was just hard for me.

Anyway he is still home for now. I don't feel like being so kind and sweet right now. I feel like I have already emotionaly divorced him. Don't get me wrong, I want it to work, and I want me family. I just don't know how to trust again, and if he is trust worthy.

Yesterday, he didn't drink, and he worked out, and went for a walk. We didn't speak all day. Then when we did, He said he is doing it for him. Then mabey someday we can work on us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He refuses to go to counciling, and said since our priest knows about the affair, he won't go back to our regular church.

I know what I want. I just don't know if he has gone too far this time. I begged him to let me go if he ever wanted to start the affair up again.He didn't. He said his dad was sick,and he couldn't do it to the kids. What about me. I am sorry if I sound crazy or I am not making sense. It just seems like he should do something to me(besides bow down and beg forgivness, and tend my every need, haha) He isn't willing to do anything. It is like he is mad at me, that he can't have her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Thank you all for listening. It does help to vent. I will go back and look around a bit when I have more time. Off to work. God Bless....