I posted on my old post, but got no replies yet so I copied on to a new one. Well I think I am doing a better job than I have. Yesterday my H was calling me asking me for money. Yesterday was his sil's b-day so his father was having dinner, my h said he was going and I said well I will drop the kids off and go so I am not there when you get there. Last night I staying at my friends house since my son was staying up his grandparents. My H drives by the house in the morning to go to work and my car wasn't here. While I was out he left a message on my cell. He told me to call him, but I didn't call him back. When I got home he called a 1st thing when he got into work and a dozen more times. At 2:30 he called and I decided to answer the phone. The 1st words that came out of his mouth were howcome you weren't home this morning, where did you go last night, where did you stay? Then the thing started with the money and I said that is the only time you call and I said I going I get to upset when you call. So I am doing a bit better right? My sil said he seemed very nervous last night up his parents without me being there. Unless he was afraid they would be asking him on his plans.
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Goldilocks,

Doin' good. Keep him wonderin' what U R up to and he will spend less time on thinking about the OW/OP/$$ whatever.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Well tonight did not go so well. I had to go to Walmart after I got my sick 13 1/2 year old and 10 year old to bed. It was 9:30. I had nose surgery a couple weeks ago because of a car accident my H and I were in back in December. (picking him up at a bar) I needed more saline drops and my sick son needed something for his fever, because we were all out. Well my H called from his gf's cell phone while they were out at a bar from when he got out of work at 7pm. I didn't answer them, then when I got out to my car I called him because he said it was important on the voice mail. He has been bothering me to give him 3400.00 from our income tax check. All together for the past week I have given him 1100.00. He wanted me to go to the Mac machine and take out another 800.00 and go to the bar that him and his gf were at and he would come out for it. I thought no way. I went for a ride to cool down for a bit. He said I had 20 minutes to get it to him. While I went for my ride he kept on calling and leaving messages. I went for my ride for about 1/2 hour and he left about 5 messages on my phone, not to mention how many times he called and didn't leave a message. The last couple of times him and his gf were at her house where he stays at. I went home and got the messages that he left on the answering machine at home. He said I had 5 minutes to get home or he was calling the police that I left the kids at home. I called him at his gf's then and he and his gf were arguing with me that I screwed up that I didn't drop him off the money. Since he left in December I kep our joint acct open and opened another in just my name. I figured why shoud he be taking our money out to go drinking and spend on his gf while I am here taking care of our kids and making sure they are fed and clothed. Plus from a car accident we were getting checks and he was getting checks from the car insurance for being off from work. And I still paying his truck loan and car insurance and our health insurance. His gf leaves in a low income development so he shouldn't even be living with her. His gf gets on the phone and says that you really f'd up this time and went on to say that him and her are getting our 2 boys and I won't have them anymore. That I don't love or care about them. My H left 2 messages on my cell saying that I am in trouble with because our income check got direct deposited into our joint acct and I transfered it into my own acct. That no one loves me, everyone thinks I a crazy, that I messed up when I cheated on him 1 year 8 months ago. I go out usually 1 night on the weekend and I don't leave our kids alone for that long if I have to run somewhere. When he was home for the couple times he was here he could care less about the kids, because he always had to go out every night. Even before he left to live with her he went out drinking every night. Back in September I took some pills and he took me to the hospital and now he threatens that on me about the kids. What he was doing to me back then and how he was doing it I didn't want to kill my self I just fall asleep for a couple of days. I would never think about doing that again to my children and it was the 1st and last. Luckily they didn't know. Now he says he could care less about the money and just wants the kids. He could care less about them, because before I came home he called the house and told our sick son to write a note that the kids that the most important thing in your life is your kids, this second is calling dad in 15 minutes. While I am here trying to do everything for our children, taking them here and there, making sure they get to school, and hugging and talking to them. He is out every night with his gf at a bar and hardly sees or calls them. He didn't even know his son was sick today. I asked him to watch our younger son last Thursday and Friday when he was sick so I can go to pysical therapy and he never did so I had to cancel my appointments.

Goldi,

He is babbling to you and threatening you. Go get some legal protection. Even visit the police if need be. Do so under legal advice. What you hear here are only suggestions. ok?

As for the OW, she sounds threatening also. Let the authorities know. OW in my case threatened at one time to turn me into the authorities for being an 'abusive W and parent'. Wonder where she got that from? I have never met her, then nor now. Let's see, comes from a WS stretching the truth (like the time I drove around the block while the WS was AT home - I was accused of abandoning our 6 year old son who was watching TV in the afternoon and didn't even know I was driving around the block just to cool down - didn't want to LB!). Go figure. With that piece knowledge came this wild story about me abandoning my family and that I therefore must be abusive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Report any misconduct of the OW. She may loose her housing status and if you want her to lose it, then do what you need. It may not be wise to do so but that is now up to you.

He wants $$? Let him go get it from the OW. Remember that as long as he is with her, she might as well meet ALL his needs. Looks like he still NEEDS U. Don't let him use you. Remember you DON'T know what they do with the $$ so don't give it to them.

As for him taking your children. SEcure that with proper protective orders. If the OW is of questionable character, prove it and take protective action. Then when she 'attempts' to threaten you, you can tell her 'go ahead'.

take care,
L.

I just wish I knew what kind of control she has on my H. She also brings up about when I cheated on my H, but she cheated on her H (now divorced) and with other married men. Went out all the time and left her H with her kids all the time. How can she bring up what I did? I cheat on my H with a married man, I was married and that was wrong that I regret ever doing. And my H doesn't see her as bad when she is seeing and letting a married man live with her. If I get divorced which it is probably going to happen I would never think about going with someone that is married and if I do meet someone and I found out they were married I would break it off immediatly no matter what the feeling were toward the man. She said she got into the relationship w/my H thinking he was seperated and getting divorced and fell in love with him. My H said she never hurt him, but when he left to come back home a couple of times she was with other men. You swear they were married. They are living in a fantasy land, papers haven't even been filed yet between my H and I. Theatening to have our kids taken off of me and having them live with the 2 of them and and having step sisters. Plus now I have to watch my back whenever I have to leave my 13 1/2 year old and 11 year old to go to the store or meeting at school, when my H doesn't have anything to do with taking them anywhere and helping me out or caring how they are feeling about the whole situation. He never even told him about his gf and who he is living with. I told them it was my mistake too why he is gone, I don't blame it all on my H. But if his heart was in our marriage as I thought it was he would still be here. He said when I found out about his gf he wanted to leave, but I forced him to stay home. He has never asked the kids how they felt. I am trying my best to be a single parent with all the responsibilties by myself. Am I mean to say that I need to get out every now and then too for a break?

Goldielocks,
You did well considering the circumstances. I would consider calling the police on gf and husband and maybe seeing a lawyer about custody of your kids. A restraining order sounds like a good idea. Hes got some nerve telling you that he will take the kids when he is drinking, livig with another women ect. The ow sounds dangerous. Didn't you mention in a previous post that she was suicidal until she got partial custody of her kids? How would her ex husband react if he knew his wife and daughters was living with a drinking married man? Would that affect her custody and also her low cost housing?

Yea the last 2 nights before my H came home she tried to, but only with my H and her there. Her H knows about the attempts, because my H told him and that was before their custody hearing. So they got 50/50 custody. And before the hearing he cared if he drank and didn't want his kids around him at her house, but now I don't think he cares what is going on.

GL-

Don't let him hold the "pills" over your head. From what my lawyer told me, unless a complaint was filed then, it is a non-issue.

If your husband thought you were a danger to yourself or your children, he would not have left them alone with you from that moment on. Since you've been with them (and at times more than 50%)outside of your H's presence, it establishes that you are not a risk.

Relax on this issue and don't give him that kind of mind game power over you....

I went to the lawyer today to sign papers for child support and I can get support for my self, because right now I am unemployed since my accident and I will be for awhile, plus the kids and my health insurance will be paid for. Today when I was getting ready for my appt my H called and asked if I had the money for him and I said no, he asked how much do you have on you and I said $10.00 and he asked if he can have it I said sure. He came in to get a couple of things for fishing and I gave it to him. He said that I'm going to get into trouble for transferring money from our joint acct to my own acct. I asked the lawyer and he asked me who are the kids living with and who has them all the time and I said me. He said don't worry about it it's yours for the kids. I have the children and take care of them all the time. Now he is calling again as I type looking for money from the income tax while he is at a bar with his gf, so what do I do give it to him to leave me alone or what?

Don't answer the phone or give him money. The ow can give him money. You are unemployed and have the kids-do not let him make you feel quilty and give him money. Please detach yourself from H and ows money and drinking problems. He left he can deal with getting money on his own.

I have a question: if you have a joint account, why does he keep coming to you for money? Can't he just go to the bank?

I agree you should stop giving him money! He has a job doesn't he? He still works doesn't he (unlike you)?

While it's fresh in your mind, write down a record of all the money you have given him already (dates, amounts, his explanations for why he needed it, etc.). It may come in handy later on down the road.

Jen

Goldie, don't give him drinking money. Do you want to help keep him drunk while your kids need money?

We have the joint acct, but I left it open and opened 1 up in just my name. We were in a car accident in Dec so if we get any checks in just his name and both our names I put them in our joint acct and once they go through I transfer the money into my acct so he isn's spending the money on drinking and his gf.

My H just went back to work since the accident last week, I got terminated from my job, because of the accident and my injuries.