WH moved out of the house Feb 03, while I was away out of town. Affair had been in progress since Nov 02 (but really took off with me out of town!) with DDay of 5 April. It's all still new to me (steep learning curve!!) but WH detached himself from our marriage back in Feb.

With moving out and then not revealing A to me for 7 weeks after moving out, he got a big head start. For the best part of 3 months now, in his own mind he has been gone from the marriage.

How can Plan A possibly help me?? I can't keep an eye on contact from OW. If he doesn't like something I say, he simply slams the phone down. I think I have already lost him. What can I do?????

How can Plan A possibly help me??
It can help you to understand you, how relationships SHOULD work and what you can do to make them work.

Well, let's put it this way: it can't hurt. With him far away, you have more control, in a sense. You won't be inclined to blast him impromptu. You can send nice emails; that's about all I'm allowed to do, nowadays. If he's gone forever, at least you gave it your best shot. And if there's a chance -- you are also giving it your best shot.

Here's how it works:
Your H moves out and gets to spend more time with OW. With more time to be together true colors start to show. Remember she's a cheat, you're not. The romance starts to see some of reality especially if friends and family know what he's doing and don't approve. There start to be natural consequences to having an affair , if you don't make any effort to save him from them. Once an affair is exposed to the light of day the excitement and thrill of the "secret" wears off.

Now here's where Plan A comes in, because it is not about winning your WS back it is about making you a better you. It is about making you a more attractive option than OW. If not for WS ( who may never decide to come back) then for a better you in another future relationship. It's your job right now to take a cold hard look at what part you had in the demise of your marriage. It's usually a two way street here, unless you have a husband who repeatedly uses women to build his ego and then casts them off. If this is an isolated event then you need to look at what went wrong and go about fixing whatever your part was in that AND you MUST stop lovebusting. There is no reason to make him angry on the phone so he has to hang up on you.

You cannot control one iota of his behavior, so why argue and fight about it. His choices are his choices. Wish him all the happiness in the world and go about making you a wonderful you. Then make sure every opportunity you have to let him see the new improved you, you let that shine. In a nutshell that's how Plan A can work.

Thank you for all that insight. All I want is to have this mess sorted out ASAP, but it took more than 5 years to get this way, so it's entirely unreasonable to try to force a solution.

The earlier post on Plan A being about improving self is a good point. I do need to be a better person for myself and my future - not just because of OW.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

My H didn't reveal his affair to me until our 2nd separation, 8 months after his PA with a co-worker had begun. I was suspicious, but he denied it that whole time.

Since I believed he was depressed (and he was that too), I'd been doing Plan A behaviors and would continue with Plan A another 10 months during 4 more separations and the on/off, mostly on, affair.

My H did spend a lot of time at home, seeing the kids and I actually found Plan A during separation easier than during our failed reconciliations because I could not lovebust for a couple hours in the evening, when I sometimes couldn't cope around the clock.

H & I have been reconciled and in recovery for 3 years. And Plan A helped me stay at the point where reconciliation was possible for me, even though my H didn't want it for a long time (2+ years after his PA started).

Stay and keep posting. There is lots to be gained from this site.