This isn't really a question of what to tell my wife as much as what tone to use. SH told me I need to do a modified plan B letter when I tell her to move out but how do I approach her? I'm afraid if I sound too loving and longing for what could be she will take this as a sign of weakness and try to talk her way out of it. If I come at her in an angry manner she will definitely leave but that's not a good way for her to see me for the last time.

I definitely want her gone until she is willing to break all contact with OM. I don't want a situation that I read about a lot where WS who are at home want to remain "friends" with the OP.

Today is my wife's birthday and we had a little party for her, just me and the kids. The kitchen was all decorated and she got some nice gifts. The kids worked really hard on some b-day cards for her and she stayed for maybe thirty minutes. I don't know if she has plans with the OM or if like she says she's meeting some of her girlfriends who want to take her out to the bar. Either way she was rude to the kids, trying to rush things so she could leave. Then to top it off she wanted to know how she could come up with money for a weekend convention in May that her school is going to. She's talking about motel rooms, food, shopping money, the works! She wants me to pay for all this and there is NO WAY that is going to happen. I am SO ready for her to leave.

Starman:

Gadz. I hate it when it comes to this...

I think getting your plan B letter together as soon as possible should be your first order of business. Then, finding a way to discuss her moving out next. But don't give her the plan B letter until she's moving out.

When I was considering plan B a year ago, I once asked JL whether it should be to say "W, I'm moving out at the end of the month, so here's your chance to pull your head out of your nether regions over the upcoming weeks and stop it from happening", or "W, I'm moving out in 5 minutes. ILY. Bye!" or words to that effect. He said it should be the latter.

Since you're requiring HER to move out, it's going to be somewhat more difficult. Is she planning on moving straight in with the OM? If so, pack her $h!t while she's at the bar and pile the boxes right inside the door for her might be one way of getting your point across. Maybe pin the plan B letter to the top box facing the door. But if she's moving somewhere she hasn't gotten lined up yet, it'll be harder.

You might even offer to help her deliver her stuff to the OM's house! People have.

Again, I wish you weren't having to do this.
-Qfwfq

Wow Starman!

I am so sorry it has come to this for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Althought I am not one of the wise ones here I would suggest pack her stuff leave it outside with a Plan B letter on it. Cold, but effective. Offering to help move her stuff is a nice gesture but it will probably be lost on her. I offered the same thing for my W but she thought there was some ulterior motive for my offering, I was just trying to be a nice H to her.

I would say leave her stuff outside. What are the legal repercussions of booting her out? Can she take any action against you for the? How about custody issues?

Gosh, I am sory it has come to this and I will be thinking of you!

I am sorry it has come to this too. I know it is what I have to do though. As I have gone through the history of my marriage with Steve it has become clear that I have been in a fog of my own for years. He keeps reminding me that I have been in a form of plan A in my marriage for a LONG time. Although I haven't been perfect in our R, I have been an enabler of my wife's destructive behaviour and I have to stop it for her sake as well as mine and my kids.

It's very sad to watch someone that you love slowly destroy there life. You see them in moments when the fog lifts and they know what they are doing is going to bring them nothing but heartache, but they are not able or willing to help themselves. You want to grab them and lock them in a room until they come to there senses but of course it doesn't work that way. I am certain now that the best chance my wife has to turn her life around is if I let her go. I have sheltered her from herself hoping that she would see the light one day but all I have been doing is allowing her to do all these things without any consequences. I pray that she has the strength to face her problems and become the kind of person I know she can be.