I am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> afraid part of why my seperation is so long is the cake eating I have allowed enabled.

I am searching for opinions... In particular what to do on Sat. nite... before Easter morning. I have NEVER been away from my kids on Easter, and this is part of my dilemma. I want to be with them and would love a day with WS, and I really want to wake up with them, esp. 4 yr old and have the baskets out etc. I also hate that we might have to be at wh's apartment, and that kids' might even have to be there with wh alone on Easter morning ...

So, WH says I can likely spend the nite sat., on the couch if I like, granted this is a loveseat and I might even have to take a pallet, or beware of his attempts to have me sleep with him and possibly 4 yr old... which might not be the end of the world.. but is that too cozy? Or he might get the 2 boys to sleep together and talk me into his room alone, which to me is fearful b/c we are attracted to one another besides the point of each of our hurt and anger that is still there for one antother, and it has been hard to turn him away and most recently sf was about 6-8 wks ago and probably on that rare of an occassion for a while now.

I am trying to cut out the sf with wh, because I think he is cake eating - also the drinking , I am trying to leave or get kids away from him when he drinks when I can legally. So anyway... I have to be going out the door so that is about all I can write... Maybe I should just go over Sunday am, but I really want to be there when my 4 yr old wakes up..

I have even considered renting a decent hotel , or bed and break if I could find one for the nite to be somewhere neutral..but I hate to have to pay as I get so little child support from wh, and I would essentially be taking him to a fun nite out... My wh has not spent the night in our home due to his suppossed bad memories, and other issues we have about it, since we seperated 19 mo. ago.

Anyway, do have to run to work, will try to ck in from work as I can.

THANKS A MILLION to any advice, I can't promise I will do what anyone says, but I do need opinions and exeperience... from which to gather strength, hope and ideas...

Thanks, H

Honey,
He really hates your house so much?

Well, if Easter is at his house, and you are invited, I don't see a problem with taking a sleeping bag and staying there if that is what you'd like to do and that is the invitation your H has extended.

Would it be confusing to the kids? Or is that outweighed by sharing the morning with both of their parents?

You know how vulnerable you are to your H, can you only do what is right for you? Just remember that if you have him, er, eat cake <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , history shows that doesn't change his behavior for the next day or remake him into the husband you want, it isn't likely to be "reconciliation", ok? In other words, keep your expectations low, so you don't get hurt.

Thanks Lor,

Your experienced opinion is well received. On futher thought this am... I really thought maybe I should just show up on Easter am, but I may do the sleeping bag thing... hate it, but... that way I can be there for the kids on Easter.

He is still using every chance he gets to be a meanie, and my house is still an issue... b/c mortgage in my families name and he feels ANGRY to say the least over that arrangement, but I feel this is something he was in aggreement with in the past, but prob. not total.. .As you prob. know he agreed to help buy the house with me, but never did. Now I am left to honor my word to my family ALONE- but I did make the deal with my family and then inform him of it.. but our living situation had been quite bad... before that- numerous evictions and very costly rentals when we finally starting living in nice places, albeit ones we did not own. I almost feel ws is just using this deal I struck with my family as another excuse to be angry... or hurt me.

Granted I would lock him out when he came home drunk; I complained about his not 'buying' a house earlier in our marriage for me... was my initial southern idea.. but with me was always an option.. WS is not the type to sit down and plan on buying a house, being responsible, having credit in order, or even holding a job for a long time... are things he is not real familier with , especially lately... Not to say he has not held good jobs, he has.. it is just UNSTABLENESS always happens financially with him.

I have tried to count on him .. financially as any good wife raised as I was, would like to count on their h... but I never could.. at least for too long... -I had finally thought he had grown up when he had the job where he met the OW, he had that job for almost a yr and was in a high level position making good money..

Was I little miss thankful wife, that H was finally doing well... No I was not- I had the attitude- it is ABOUT TIME!

However, I was also ill at the time - back injury, major meds, gaining weight and home with a two year old. WS used to beg me to come meet him for lunch, and that was right up until he met the OW- even with the extra weight and my mean personality he likes to say he left me for. he continues to insist he told me a year before he left he was going to leave me, I do not recall this conversation. He insists it was planned. He even claims to have gotten his well paying good job so he could leave me... WHAT?

I had been waiting for years to have my wh be responsible. I feel it is all excuses... WH fog, still?

Anyway, a good friend of mine is here to pick me up for lunch.. so I must go, ck in later.. thanksf or reading the Saga.

Thanks LOR, I value your advice.

lisa