Geeze, hasn't been a good week.

First, I was really sick with the flu. Lots of hacking and coughing - bleh.

Second, I got a call from my mom - my dad (72) fell from a ladder putting up a bird-house and broke 3 ribs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He's in quite a bit of pain as you might guess.

Anyhow, W has recently admitted that she's having a MLC, is very unhappy at work, spends almost all of her time working, and has started to miss what we used to have.

We've had some e-mail exchanges - last left with me essentially posing the question, "what does W do when things are tough?" She and her IC were supposedly going to take that up.

I've been trying to push back, be blunt, tell her about my far more complete life than she's experiencing right now... Setting up my internal case for ending things if she's not going to make some fundamental moves / changes - she seems to be talking more clearly in some ways, but not in others.

Has anyone else had success in these kinds of discussions with a spouse? Tips?

Hi JR - I don't have a WW, but my WH is most definitely in the midst of a full blown MLC and is also consumed/addicted to work (I believe partly as a way of avoiding other issues).

I don't believe there is much you can do to prompt, push, or facilitate the work that your WW needs to do on her own. Do you have confidence in her IC? How has your WW acknowledge that she's in some kind of personal crisis/MLC? What indicators do you have that this is what is happening v. other problems WW is experiencing?

Have you read Michelle Weiner-Davis' chapter in Divorce Remedy on the MLC? There is also a MLC specific message board on her website.

I wish I had more to offer here, but from everything I have been told and read -- it's a process that they need to go through and there is little someone else can do to facilitate the discovery that is necessary.

My thoughts are with you JR. It is definitely no fun and crazy-making to be on the outside watching the struggle. I hope somebody has some more concrete advice for you.

<small>[ April 21, 2003, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: unsureheart ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by J.R.:
<strong>Anyhow, W has recently admitted that she's having a MLC, is very unhappy at work, spends almost all of her time working, and has started to miss what we used to have.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Congrat for your plan B achivement <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>she seems to be talking more clearly in some ways, but not in others.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How you de-fog your windshield ?. Keep the air going and wait until it is totally cleared up. Be patience, don't assume anything, check her word with her actions. You have to be honest with what you want and don't settle for less.

-rh-