Perhaps everything IS in divine order, after all.

I think the doubts, regret, the humbling realization that I am but a fallible being, trying hard and not yet succeeding at a better level of control gave me just the "touch" of humility required by the task at hand.

We spoke to the kids. First the twins, J & S, here at home. I managed to tell them we had decided to divorce, that we'd both tried as hard as we could, that we were sorry and neither of us expected this would happen, and more before we were all crying. But everything came out well; we managed not to attack, defend, or fight. We came across as having done the best we could, and this being the inevitable outcome of not having succeeded at finding a solution good for both of us, but having tried our best.

I told them about my apartment, some of the arrangements around the house and splitting of property, and assured them "home" would remain as close as possible to what they have had in the past. That it would be difficult, both emotionally and financially, but that we'd all be OK.

I also told them mom and I had agreed on all of this, and that we were committed to working together, not fighting, and to making the very best we could of a bad situation for all of us. That as always we'd be there for them, doing the best we could for them, and that we were available to talk, vent, cry, whatever they felt like.

Neither of them said a word. They tried to console us. We all held hands across the table, I also showed support for D; all in all a much more positive thing than it could have been. J later came to my room, made sure I was ok, hugged me and told me she loved me. S did too. They also spoke with their mom; I imagine saying much the same to her.

We then called John; both of us on the phone. It went pretty much the same. We apologized for doing this over the phone and not in person, but he was ok. He knew this was coming. They all knew, I just think S and J were still hopeful. After all, they've been here and seen just how well we've gotten along lately!

I just went in to check up on D, see if she was OK. She seemed to be. She asked me if I was OK; I said I was. We hugged. She thanked me. I told her I love her, she said she also loved me. I reminded her I was her friend, she cried at that and said she knew that; that she'd always known that. It went well. I kissed her goodnight, and that was that.

I guess that went about as well as can be hoped for.

Wow.

I guess, that's the way to do it. I really admire you for staying so high above it all, and your judgment & actions not being clouded by anger & resentment. (something I'm not able to do - yet)

Cadet,
I am so proud of you. You have retained your dignity and respect.

Life's road may be a bit rough but you will make it.

yur neighbor, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

(((Space)))

This brings tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you. I know why your kids are so great. They have a wonderful dad and role model.

It may be "the end" but the very end is not yet written.

Wishing you all the best.

♥
Susan

<small>[ April 24, 2003, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Space

I know how hard this must have been, and congrats to you for handling it with love and sensitivity.

Lisa

I have great respect and admiration for how lovingly and calmly you and your STBXW handled giving the news to your kids. I am so amazed by how well the two of you are able to treat each other, and just peacefully (not angrily or resentfully) accept that Dv is the most logical solution.

It's been quite a long journey for you, I know. Take care as you continue down the road of Dv proceedings.

Jen

(((( Space )))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nick123:
<strong>Wow.

I guess, that's the way to do it. I really admire you for staying so high above it all, and your judgment & actions not being clouded by anger & resentment. (something I'm not able to do - yet)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Truth be told, the humility I spoke about at the start of the post came from just such a loss of control...the night before, when I talked to her about not delaying talking to the kids anymore, I lost it...she started with demands about what we should say or not say to friends and family, implying that I'd been "trashing" her, and I just lost it!

But I came back, brought it under control, apologized for losing it, and that event brought me the humility I needed to face this talk with the kids as well as we did.

Things really are in Divine Order.

Dear Space:

A very classy, proactive and caring end to a very sticky situation. You have shown your true strength of character.

I do not know if you have discussed the OM and his background/potential and exposure with your kids and her family yet; but this is a consideration for you. I think they do need to be aware so they can protect themselves as well as watch for D.

You are an amazing person, Space.

I wish you peace and contentment for your future.

Jack

Space-

My heart is in my throat right now. What your going through is too close to home for me not to feel your family's pain.

This is such a small step in the big picture though. Try to keep your focus on that bigger picture and I pray that it will caryy you through the dark time that is about to come your way.

Stay strong and remember that you are loved by all of us here. We are behind you EVERY step of the way.

Thank you all for your love and support. It's been a critical part of the "recipe" for being where I'm at today.

I guess what I really want to say to everyone is that IT IS possible to get here, and that it is all within YOU.

I was the least likely candidate for achieving this (as many here will attest! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ), but perseverance, and an honest and true desire to look INSIDE, face what I found, and work through it brought me here.

It would have been the same if my marriage had survived; I'd love her just the same, and I'd have just the same compassion as I do now. I know it sounds far-fetched...but it's true.

However much I may still long for her, I love her and would have loved her just the same if we'd made it. And what's more, it is perfectly alright that we didn't make it. It is surely for the best.

The message here is one of hope, and of joy. For all of those here who are close to despair, who are hurting...you CAN do it...YOU REALLY CAN! You only need to REALLY want it!

2cool, SC!

Spacecase,
I often wish the words we say could convey more of the feelings we have. I have tears right now, after reading here, not sure why. I don't see how you could have done different, but wish/have wished for a different outcome in your case. I agree it's probably for the best after all that has happened. D still has much to learn, but then, so do I, and all of us.

I am glad for how far you have come, here's to successful travel further down the road of happiness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

SS

SC,

You have done so well. I wish it had come out otherwise, but I do think you will be rewarded for how you have handled this situation. You have my deepest respect.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks Spacecase for sharing that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Susan:
<strong>(((Space)))

This brings tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you. I know why your kids are so great. They have a wonderful dad and role model.

It may be "the end" but the very end is not yet written.

Wishing you all the best.

♥
Susan</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are so many here who have been so important to me, on whom I've depended for support, encouragement, and advice. You know who you are and you know I love you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But I think Susan here has brought up two critical things: How our behavior during these difficult times will influence the kids, and the example they will learn from. I've always worried about this, and it gives me great joy to see that for the most part I have been able to maintain postures that I am proud of, and that they too can be proud of, and hopefully learn from. It will make them better people as they face toubles of their own.

And secondly, that the future and what it holds for us is to a great extent the product of how well we are able to be true, honest, positive and behave with rectitude through these trying times. The world has a way of rewarding good and true people. We would be much less, and could expect much less for our future, if we were to "win" at this by being vengeful, destructive or otherwise un-true to noble acts and thoughts. It'd be an empty victory, and the world would likely be less generous to us in our future.

Two thoughts that I know are often far from our minds as we struggle to survive, never mind succeed, at these difficult endeavors. But two thoughts that are nonetheless the building blocks of what our lives will be like in the future.

Thank you Susan for reminding us of them. Namaste!

WMIW;

I'm still pondering how/if/what/when I may act on the information about the OM and their "plans" as far as my kids are concerned. For now, I'm undecided and since I'll still be close, I'll continue to monitor things for any signs of danger or trouble which they should be aware of.

SS & JL;

You two have been pillars of strength, reason, and reality for many of us here. I am grateful for having had the benefit of your counsel and support, and proud to have lived up to the high ideals you've represented.

No doubt there is still a long road to travel, but you have made it less rocky for me.

Blessings to you both, as we continue down the path!

Okay, the Big Question is: Who gets SC's training wheels? ...I got dibs!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2fwfq

((((Spacecase))))
I will be taking the same walk with you this summer to the family court house. I only wish that my H and I could had broken the news to our sons in the same dignify fashion that you and your W did. My H who has no sense of courage let me do the dirty work after leading me to believe that he had given them "the talk". I will be praying for you and your family..Rhonda