My H, who has been living with OW for a month, seems to have a campaign to drive me nuts.

He is offering confusing plans to separate our financial lives. He offered a lump-sum settlement, then countered himself two days later with an equivalent alimony settlement that seems to have no advantage and the sizeable disadvantage of not giving me a clean break from him.

With the financial stuff, and the logistical stuff, and all the other stuff, I feel like I'm completely surrounded by my H -- even though he's not in my life. Contact, either directly by email or through third parties, seems to be consuming more and more of my time. I feel like I spend too much of my time carefully drafting replies, or discussing negotiations with intermediaries. While this stuff is important, does it have to be done so soon? Is this usual?

I can't seem to go out of the house without running into H. Coincidence? Maybe...but it's hard to tell. He's always bumping into me.

I have a feeling my teenage stepson was with him this weekend, but can't be sure because he feels conflicted about talking about it with me, understandably. This goes on and on.

Is this normal? I haven't had a face-to-face talk with my H in a month -- not sure it would be a good idea to have one. But it seems he shouldn't be that much in my life given how little contact we have.

I know, I know...go to Plan B, you say. But we're practically in Plan B now, with only brief email communications, and some of that through third parties.

Has anyone encountered this kind of weirdness? What does he want?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>My H, who has been living with OW for a month, seems to have a campaign to drive me nuts.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2x4 ... You drive yourself nuts no body else does. You don't have much contact with WH, how could he drive you nuts but yourself. Actually when WS lives in la la land, you are not in his equations at all. They are selfcentered. Once you put his actions in that frame you would not get bait into his coaster.

-rh-

You're probably right. I keep thinking somehow I'm in his equation.

AM,
Do you think your H is following you, or knows your schedule enough that he is arranging for the possibility of these happenstance meetings?

Do you feel happy or creepy about running into him so much?

In any case, be polite, and when appropriate direct him back to the intermediary people you've set up.

Lor, This is it: you are always trying to gauge the possibility of coincidence. In a crowd, what are the odds that you see (and greet) each other within two minutes of arrival? It's possible...but likely?

Problem is, part of me gets happy with the contact, but part of me knows that I am getting my hopes up over nothing. So the overall effect is a little unplesant. It doesn't mean he's broken off with OW, or planning to; it doesn't mean he's coming back; it doesn't mean anything.

Recently, he had a conversation when I was trapped and within earshot (at a marketplace) with a distant acquaintance about what a big life he has now, and how much his life has changed.

Who is he trying to convince? Real childish stuff. I can't "prove" that he was doing it for my benefit. But he did know where I was, and was talking a little loudly.

AM, my H & I were separated a total of 14 months scattered over 21 months and other than kids' events where I expected to see him I only ran into him once--at a drug store where I do my 3-4 X weekly mailing. And there were lots of times I was out looking for him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> !

So, this coincidental stuff with your H sounds unlikely to me. Especially since it was the kind of thing I once tried to make happen!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Real childish stuff. I can't "prove" that he was doing it for my benefit. But he did know where I was, and was talking a little loudly </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And who indeed is he trying to prove it to...sounds like he's trying to convince himself. If at all possible, don't YOU take it to heart and believe he's better off. HE can think any fool thing he wants to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

We do live in a small community, but not so small you can't avoid each other, and certainly avoid bumping into each other.