Well, I got through my 19th Anniversary without out as much emotion as I had anticipated.
I took the day off from work and kept myself busy with yard work.
Cried a lot when the Flower Shop called for directions, knowing WH wouldn't be sending anything(but secretly hoping he was),it was a "Thinking of You" plant from family member.
A friend came over that evening and kept me company until 11pm.
Thought I had survived without contact, but at 11:55 before I could fall asleep I called Him.
Said, you didn't think I'd let the day go by without telling you I loved you, did you?
WH said, no I didn't but you're cutting it pretty close(time). he said, don't think that I didn't think about it at all today.
I said, I wondered.
WH, well I did.
Then he asked about the kids, said he call me tomorrow(which he didn't and hasn't called since either,this was fri. night)
But you know, I feel a little more peaceful for some reason, like I've let go a little bit, not given up, still sad, but calmer.
I think it also has to do with how busy I keep myself. AS long as I can keep my mind occupied, I'm a lot better off.
No problem with busy now, baseball begins....Mom doesn't stop! & Yard work galore! It would be nice if WH could help with schedule & yard work, but that's not going to happen so I just have to buck up and do it!

I am happy to hear you letting go, although it has to be SOOO hard. I know my anniversary was miserable, and I was only married 2 years. My husband told me it was definitely over with me on our anniversary weekend!? We still went to dinner, at his request, and I was an idiot and went, but it was sad. And he was still sleeping with her at the time, which I didn't know, until D-day #2, when I found out he was having a child with her. So I can't imagine 19 years with someone, and this happening. Bless you and your family......

Today is the 5th day since I last heard from WH. I called him last, the night of our anniv.
Doesn't he even care what's up with his kids?
I'm afraid that by the time he does call I'm going to be so angry and sarcastic by then.
Baseball season has started for 12 yr.old S, he had a great opening game!
I've decided I'm not giving him any info about games, etc. when he asks. I'll just say if he wants to know he'll have to decide to be involved. If his "choice" is to live 2.5 hrs away from his children to stay near OW & her kids, then I'm not giving play by play info. so that he can "feel" like he knows whats going on with his children.
I am so incredibly busy, it gets me so angry. Sports schedules, day-care, 16-yr.olds job(only one car),Yard work, household chores, it's endless.
And he's sitting in his apt., laid-off,broke, smoking butts,waiting for his next F@#k!!
What has happened to this man!!!
When is he going to really crash & burn?
He is still considering bankruptcy. I know most bills are paid up, but a few he has had to let go and my check only goes so far. But god forbid he give up his "love nest"!
This whole situation has only been complicated by his lay-off, so that financial worries have been increased and adds to the anger & frustration.
I know he was already feeling like he had somehow let us all down, that he was away from home so much, and finances still sucked, that he had somehow failed us....mid-life crisis, A, all a result...It has to be even worse for him now? How much longer will it take before he folds? Or will he ever?
Is it possible that he will never return to us? I still find that so hard to believe, I know I didn't imagine his love for us!
I'm trying so hard not to call him, how do I interpret his lack of communication with me, the kids? Is he really much happier without us?
So much for letting go...
I've obviously got a ways to go.

FOG..that's what it is.....my husband was the perfect family man; both husband and father. We always had the best, went everywhere, did everything, etc., etc. Nothing was too good for the children. While I attended classes in the evening, he fed, washed and put the children to sleep. He was my daughter's soccer and tag football coach. My son, his little buddy, was his pal. When the "love of his life" came along....well...to summarize it...

The two kids and I moved back into my parents home (very small). He did not give me any money for Xmas presents....did not even come with me shopping. Let my children waiting twice, at the door, with the coats on...never showed. Did not give me support for 5.5 months. Did not give me any money towards bills. Practically forced me to sell our house (drove me crazy with pestering until I signed the paper...then, he regretted it). Missed our daughter's solo flute concert. It was devastating, and still I try. While in a fog, the WS has no concept of devotion and love. There is nothing that can be done on your end...it is totally up to him to snap out of it. In the meantime, continue being busy and you know what...when you finally let go completely and start to live without thinking of him, but rather focussing on yourself, you will see the abrupt turnournd.

Karena,
Thanks for your reply.
What is your story, I don't think I've seen you post much?
Are you doing Plan A, b or Recovery?
Are you still at your parents.

Learnin,
Karena is right. It is like an addiction, a disease. They don't know what they are doing. I told my WH in Dec. he had no idea the magnitude of what he had done, and he was a smart aleck back. Now, he says Whoa, I know now what I have done. He is still foggy though because of OC. But the thing is, his OW left her 2.5 year old son to be with my H and now they are having a child, and neither of them thought of what they were doing. And my H loves kids, he would never have let a mom leave her child if he was in her right mind. .But he wasn't. It is sad, it is awful, it is hard to not be sensitive to it, and say If only I had done this or that. I think Harley's book is a little off when he says the BS is partly responsible for WS's affair. We are partly responsible for the marriage breakdown, but NOT for the A. No one made him do it- that is like a child blaming someone else for something. We didn't make our H's have an A, and we can't make them come back. That stinks about free will doesn't it! Keep praying- it does help to strengthen you at least.

WH just called me at work!
For nothing important, checking to see if he has any mail, can I send it.
Telling me about his difficulties in paying a certain bill over the phone(Like I care, how about groceries, buddy?)
He did ask about S's baseball games(I was vague)
Oh, and he's sick, strep throat,(Poor baby, have OW come stroke ya, and hope she gets it too!)
Just wish there was no one in the office so I could have said these things....
And why did he call me at work, couldn't he wait till tonight, does he figure it's safer, I won't get sarcastic or angry?
I know I'll probably end up calling him back tonight...I need money...I'll try to keep the sarcasm out of it, I don't want him to have that much control over me, in that he can still get me riled up. But he does!

Learnin,
Keep on learnin and be strong!! don't have a war with words, been there done that- it just makes me (and you) feel worse.

Learnin,

Hi I don't post much anymore but your story sounds so like mine I wanted to offer you encouragement. I don't know what makes our H's do what they do. But I do know if we hold fast and do our plan A, for us, not just them, we will come out okay.

I was completely devastated when my now Ex-H left us a year ago. I didn't know how I would ever live without him. How our kids and me would survive. But we are happy, we love each other and we are a family. H has chosen a different way. Is he happy? What was he thinking? I don't know and it doesn't matter anymore to me. We are all moving on with our lives. He is missing things and that is of his own doing. He has limited contact with the kids, and I know it hurts them but they are moving on too. They know they are #1. They also know their dad is human and has made mistakes, but that doesn't diminish them.

Take heart learnin. Time does help. Make a resolve to be a better you, whether or not it brings back your H. You and your family will learn and be better for your struggle. Also have hope that you CAN and WILL be happy. I am happier now than I have been in a long time, even before H left. Why? Because I want to be. Don't get me wrong, it's hard, it hurts and it is horrible but it slowly gets better, and with the help you get here perhaps you will restore your M. It happens all the time.

Good luck to you.

Sharon

Thanks all.
I just walked on my lunch break, cleared my head.
Not as riled up. It comes and goes.
If I do call him, I will be calm, in control, to the point. Will try to keep emotions in check.
Glad to know time helps, that's what keeps me going. Tomorrow will be better?

In my experience, the answer to "tomorrow will be better" is maybe. I don't know about anyone else, but I tend more to have good stretches, and then bad days...the bad are fewer now - the really bad I mean- but I will go a week and be ok and then one day just be miserable. I don't know why that is.

Yeah, that's how it is for me too. The really "horribles" seem to be a thing of the past.
But I have stretches of ok times too, thus the title of this thread, and then Wham! it's a bad day, emotional, crying, angry or short-tempered.
Sad is all the time, just not as noticeable to others.

Learnin,
Yep, you said it right!!!

Oh and I just got back from Dr's appt.
She is 99.9% sure that 4 yr.old D's recent Bedwetting episodes are a result of the Emotional Upheaval, as well as 16 yr.olds acid reflux.

Oh but don't feel guilty Dad, we wouldn't want you to feel bad or look bad! As long as your needs are being met!

UUGG!

What was I thinking...letting go...yeah right!

learnin',

you o.k. or did I read too much into that last post?

hic,
I'm fine, see my other thread, just angry and frustrated, dealing with a WH that I don't even know him anymore!