Our 10th wedding anniversary is May 1. Two year anniversary of Sophia propositioning Tom is May 3. (Tom told me about it that day). One year anniversary of Sophia's husband telling me that Sophia and Tom were having an affair is May 4.

The past year has been horrible. I was hysterical almost the entire time. Tom has maintained that he made a mistake, it's over, and he wants to move on. I don't know how I can ever trust him. He leaves for work, and I have no idea what he is up to.

I booted him out of the house in September in October, we started MC in October, and we all agreed to end it in February. Tom has his first counseling session on May 1, although he has been going to anger management. I am going to IC.

Any suggestions on marking the 10th wedding anniversary or the anniversary of D-day? Last night, we reviewed the calendar. On Thursday, our 10th wedding anniversary, Tom has a lunch at work, and he is going to choir practice at night. On Sunday, our D-day, he has choir in the morning and our nine-year-old has soccer from 3-4.
As we were reviewing the week's calendar, no mention was made of our wedding anniversary or D-day.

Over the last few weeks, Tom has said he was concerned about how I would act on D-day, and he considered going away for the weekend. I told him that I was aware of many anniversaries in April, and I was handling it. When he asked what had happened a year ago today, he said it was "pathetic" that I could give such details.

When he expressed concern about the anniversary of D-day, I brought up that the anniversary of his breaking my arm passed without incident. He said he just hid. I would say my reaction to the broken arm was perhaps 1/1000th of the reaction to the affair, so it isn't really comparable, but I do think Tom is considering just letting the days passed without being marked. Should I follow his lead, or would another way to deal with it be more helpful?

I dont think it is pathetic you remember such details, I remember all details of what happened on discoveries of other women, some as many as 18 years ago but could remember every word spoke as if it was an hour ago.

I couldnt tell you exact dates, well only one, Valentines day, because it was so horrific, I wanted to to literally die. Thank god I came to my senses. But I do remember all details, However in our marriage, we dont mention these things any more. I dont see a reason to mark such days down and it would seem a lb if I were to remind him every time an occasion came up that was an anniversary of a bad moment. I think I would try and focus on as many good moments as I could and ignore the others. But that is just me, I brought this up on another thread and dont agree with me on most of it.
So I dont know if it helps, this is just what I would do and my husband and i are doing well working this way.

I would do the unexspected and suprise him and make some new memories <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 28, 2003, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

My advice is not to commemorate the bad, it sounds like you've already had the discussion you need to. He knows you remember every detail and he would prefer to avoid the memory.

Re-hashing what piece of crap he was 1-2 years ago really isn't going to help you with recovery.

On the other hand, the wedding anniversary is yours, do something loving, nice, enjoyable. You are 2 people who have chosen to be together through the better and worse that life & decisions have brought you. Your marriage is ongoing, with plans & actions to make recovery possible.

That's worth celebrating!

D-day fell very near our anniversary as well. H has a habit of avoiding the bad stuff, too. Not sure what I will do when it rolls around again next Fall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />