My H has left me for a girl he works with, but things don't seem to be going too well. (He admitted that) What I would like to know is: he's so undecided about what/who he wants, he feels he has nothing to give anyone, but I would very much like to be a giver in order to know that I gave my marriage every chance to succeed, even thru this unholy mess!!! How do I do this.? I try to be supportive at every opportunity - we've taken to communicating via email as it takes the emotion out of any discussion/conversation. I find that that works really well. I'm trying to re-deposit into his love bank after making withdrawals for the last 2 years. We have 2 little girls, aged 4 & 18 mths, and I know it is tearing him apart being away from them. I send him little notes about what they are doing/saying etc, so he doesn't have to speak to me on the ph. but he does ring for our oldest daughter every day and occassionally I speak to him. It's ok. I did do something yesterday that I am not in the least bit proud of - I rang OW and let her know that we had made love when he visited (the truth), and I also rang OW's mother letting her know that I wanted my H back !! I can't believe I did that. She was quite supportive when she realised I wasn't blaming ow entirely - I let her know I held him largely responsible (even tho' OW chased my H)<BR>Am I fighting a losing battle here - but I'm still going to try to deposit as much love, care and concern his way that I can.<BR>Hope you can all help, or provide insights<BR>Thanks

Hi, Bonnet. You're doing all you can do (aside from the lovebusters, but we're not perfect are we???? I'm sure not!) <P>Keep it up. Be patient. Give it time. (Hate that word, too!) If you are really committed to this, then give it all you've got.<P>You've read all about Plan A, right? And everything else you can get your hands on to understand this ride you're on. It will help.<P>And we're here. Use us to cry, vent, yell, scream. That way, he doesn't have to hear it. We're all pulling for you.<P>Lori

Thanks for the response Lori.<BR>I haven't read Plan A - is it part of this site. I'm fairly new to the internet and chatting via it, but I thought I had gone through most of the information. Must have missed something. Could you let me know where to find it please - I NEED all the help I can get in order to deal with this situation !!! Thanks<BR>Do you think my ringing OW and OW"s mother were the biggest love busters of all time ?<BR>I'm so concerned about that - but H's response was almost forgiving straight away when I owned up to what I had done. He didn't get angry at all, will it come do you think?

Hey, Bonnet. Sorry I took so long. There's a short explanation in this site somewhere on Plan A and B. I'll try to find it for you when I get home tonight. I would definitely recommend your reading Harley's book "Surviving an Affair". The plans are in detail there and it'll give you some good insights as to what the betrayers are going through. Go back through all the posts too. You'll learn a lot and see a lot of good recommendations for reading materials. Check out Sir Hurts Alot's post. He's a Plan A King! So are a lot of others. <P>You're situation's not a lot different than mine, except you get a little more contact. I'm a long-distance Plan A-er, don't know what good it's doing, but Hey - gotta give it a shot, right?<P>Take care of yourself and hang in there. I'll look for that link when I get in later this evening.<P>Hugs and prayers,<P>Lori

Bonnet,<P>Until you get the book "Surviving an Affair" a quick synopsis of what both Plan A and Plan B are about can be gotten to by clicking <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>HERE</A>.<P>I, like Lori, am a "long-distance" Plan A-er... with unwanted aspirations of moving to Plan B in the beginning of next year!<P>We hear you...<BR>We care for you and your H too... <P>Jim