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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 154
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Joined: Apr 2003
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H couldn't be more loving, more attentive, more *anything* and yet, I still worry. I worry I am being duped, that it is some elaborate plan to decieve me. There isn't one request I have made that he doesn't do. He calls me to tell me how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, how horrible he has been, ect; and so on. He calls me from his work before leaving(the trists were after work, me thinking he was still there) She has gained weight and looks terrible. H is shallow enough to not desire her just for that. She actually found out he said she was fat, he told me about the call.
He holds me all night long and pets me constantly, sex life is great, communication is great, he spends every waking moment with me that he isn't at work. He seems to be being honest, but that is a tricky thing, seems and knowing are two different things. It is that I am having a problem with. I want to believe him, but I have and been burned, hard.
This sucks, I am not even letting myself enjoy the love that is being lavished upon me. He asks, "what more can I do to show you how sorry I am and how much I love you?" I don't know, I really don't. He is doing everything right.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
This is really, I think, a pretty normal reaction. Trust has to be re-built slowly. It takes time. This is still early for you, and he lied at the first revelation, saying it wasn't physical, so I think your reluctance to trust is not only normal, but reasonable. He has been untrustworthy. To expect to trust him again after such a short time is just not reality.
In addition, you may feel (perhaps rightly), that he is doing things to "make it up to you", instead of for a more sustainable reason. Our MC encouraged my wife NOT to do things to "make it up to me", but for us to do things "to make our marriage great". It meant I had to forgive her for what she had done, instead of receive compensation for it. I actually think that works better, because we worked at making changes that were sustainable.
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Joined: Apr 2003
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I went by his work(she is his assistant, who was supposed to leave in May,isn't now) and I just cannot stand to look at her ugly fat face. I shake so hard that I physically have to either cross my arms and plant my feet so I don't look like I have parkinsons. While going through the drive through before, I had to put my car in park because my legs were shaking so hard I couldn't be sure I could hold the brake pedal. I shake all the time, people comment on it. I truly believe I am verging on a nervous breakdown.
I called him and told that I just couldn't live like this anymore,that one of them had to go. I would prefer it to be her, it is a very high paying job and not an easy one to come by. I like my lifestyle and he has almost put an end to everything.
I really don't think he is carrying on anymore, I really think he does love me and I do think the marriage will work as we are both willing to make the necessary changes. I just don't know if I will make it out ok
I wish my mom still had her vacation house, I would run with the kids to the mountains for awhile.
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Joined: Apr 2003
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It is amazing what an hour will do. H went to his boss and said something had to give, one of them had to go. It is going to be her.
He just text messaged me saying that me and my feelings are his #1 priority.
A's wreck so many lives. What drives a young, single woman who is attractive and smart enough to date eligible men to start an affair with a married one?? If a married man would have come on to me when I was single(ever) I would have thought him scum and basically let that be known. I do take quite a bit of pleasure in the fact she has gained so much weight in the same time frame I have lost it. Irony at its best
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 61
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Have you filled out the EN Survey on this web site? Both of you should. Then you can start concentrating on the future instead of constantly reliving the past. Concentrating on filling his ENs should be a nice break from worrying about him or indulging in self-pity. (all of which unfortunately have a role in the recovery process).
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