I had not talked to him since Tuesday, I think he did this to make sepation faster.
Should I contact OW's H if there is one?
Should I contact boss? OW is a coworker and I'm sure is not allowed to have that in his company.
Should I contact lawyer fast?
HELP! What should I do?
Should I make his life easy even if mine is such a wreck? ir speed the rug unde his feet?

I can not even type this I'm trembling all over.

Please HELP me!

<small>[ May 04, 2003, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Hello Matilde,

It is very slow around here on the weekends. More people will be around to give you advice when the weekend is over. It is very important that you take very good care of yourself right now--maybe a soak in the tub?

The only thing I can suggest is to read, read, read the info section of this site. Just go to the homepage, look to the right, and click the infidelity link. I found that reading, reading, reading, and then reading some more helped me to calm down, gather my wits, and make a plan--a good plan--of what to do next. Also, I read WAT's (WorthATry) quickstart tips and that helped too (there is a link at the bottom of his posts). Notable Posts were helpful too but I forget whose posts has the link--maybe check the Archived Posts? (Archived Posts is under the link you clicked to get into General Questions).

I hope this helps. Take care Matilde

To answer your questions about contacting OW and their work place, my understanding of the MB concepts is that the BS should contact the OW and anyone else that will help throw the light of day on the affair. Vampires and affairs do not like the light at all.

There is a link in my signature block to a thread on Plan A and Doormats. It tells what should be done as far as contacting people, etc. It’s long but very helpful reading.

As for contacting a lawyer? Yes. It does not mean you need to file but you do need to know your rights and protect yourself. Very often the BS is so much in shock that they do nothing to protect their rights and end up royally screwed in every way possible.

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 03:28 AM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Thank you for your responses

I don't know if I should talk to H or plan thing financially with lawyer and later broke it all.

There is a possibility that if H loose job he would not want to sign the papers on giving me full owenership of the appartment. Now I know this can be in the obscure side anymore and I need to act, but I wnat to do it the smart way.

Please help me on steps on the smart ways cause things are going faster than I thought.

1. U need to calm down before you make any life altering decisions as you mentioned above.

2. Consult with your MC and doctor to help you plan out your emtions so help you implement item 1.

3. Consult a legal advisor (lawyer, family court, etc.) so you know your options.

4. Telling the OW's H or his workplace may be viewed as a revenge tactic so think clearly before you do this. Make sure you know your motives.

5. Read up on all the books here.

6. Last but not least, pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

It certainly wouldn't help to have a clear understanding of plan A and B.

take care,
L.

I'm more calmed now

Last night was a mess only 2 hours sleep at all

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 2. Consult with your MC and doctor to help you plan out your emtions so help you implement item 1. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm into that last session was about loose managment and how I was going to prepare myself to loose H and M.

I'm trying to read all I can from this but still many things to go, and then again this is going to fast for me.

Today I'm going to contact lawyer to ask for a fast document on apartment ownership change. I don't want to be on the spot where I'm going to strugle because an OW.

I asked of telling OW's H and boos cause it seems to be a theory that when the A hit the full light of day it will finish. It is not revenge, I want it to finish.

Originally posted by matilde:
[QB]I'm more calmed now

Orchid: Good. Realize that down days will come, that's ok. Just be prepared.

Last night was a mess only 2 hours sleep at all

Orchid: That will continue to happen for a while. Your body will adjust by running on adrenaline but it will not last forever, so when you are ready, start to find another way to replenish your energy supply.

...I'm trying to read all I can from this but still many things to go, and then again this is going to fast for me.

Orchid: This is good. Learn to be patient. This will be forced on you whether you like it or not but it is better to heal if you are prepared.

[b]Today I'm going to contact lawyer to ask for a fast document on apartment ownership change.

Orchid: Good. Just learn to keep your options in front of you. Don't use this as a threat.

I don't want to be on the spot where I'm going to strugle because an OW.

Orchid: This is where reading and posting here @ MB will help.

I asked of telling OW's H and boos cause it seems to be a theory that when the A hit the full light of day it will finish. It is not revenge, I want it to finish.

Orchid: I hope 'boos' means boss..... LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
It is a concept that has helped many and hurt some, so it is not a guarantee. The pull to tell is strong. Know that you may not want a revenge but the WS & OP may consider it as such.

Please remember that U are not the who started it, continued it nor will you be the one to finish it. With those thoughts, please let us know what you think.

Hope this helps.
L.

Big day today...

As soon as I was able to call at a normal hour my lawyer I called him and asked for a new sales document of our appartment and to give the new owenership to my parents. Thankfully someone told lawyer about our problem (so I didn't had to explain it all) and he told me I needed to get H to agree on that for the signature... So... new task for the day...

Since didn't knew and looks to me H is much in the fog still I want to secure my financial status ASAP.

After that I went to parents and explained to them the last updates in this matter... I have not talked to them about any of this and I thought it was about time... I explained that H is not clear and I didn't want to loose it all, some of our problems and all... They where very understanding ppl (I didn't espect much from them but got lot's of support)... At first they didn't wanted the appartment to be at their name cause maybe H would saw that as a thread and don't wanted to look like they hated him or they where going to do something in his bad behalf... Anyhow I convinced them and had lunch there.. But still I had to ask H again for it...

So after going out from there I called in laws and asked if H was there they told me not but they invite me to come over there...

I have not been there or even talked to them since way before dday and I thought I got nothing to loose and anyhow they also deserve to know what was happening right?

So there I went...

They where having lunch and invited me and I said I already had lunch but thanks... anyhow... they where impressed that I lost many pounds and that I was letting my hair grow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .. anyhow we chated some more at lunch and after that I asked them for a little time (my parents in law)

Since I knew H have not talked to them and they where pretty much in the dark... I threw in some light and asked for the only time in my life for their help... not on resolving this issue but to try to get some sense into H... That was a long talk I explained our problems and they where getting their best advice... Until... in the middle of that POFF! H appeared!... he was atonished to see me there, I was never REALLY close to them and he couldn't beleive I had done that step... the conversation continued and I know in my heart I'm still doing the right thing... if this doesn't work it doesn't matter that much I'm giving it all it takes...

Anyhow they showed how deep they cared about me (that was good) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and tryed to give the best advice they could wich was good.. and was like you have to try it all together and gave us some time to fix this TOGETHER, if we keep living appart things will get colder and maybe will be to hard to heaten them up? That we should not throw out 8 years of marriage and all... it was a good advice and I really appareciate they gave it from their heart...

After that they left us alone to talk some more.

This are the things we talked...
Yesterday I was at the gym and H saw my car... He had to park away from me and when he arrived he felt like he wanted to see me but I was not that long and he just missed me... Today he went early just to see if he would catch me.. hehehe I didn't went today.. so my point is he finally is getting the need for me or so he says...

It's important this issue cause I don't get it... he still seems to need to lost me to work on this relationship...

Since we stoped talking since tuesday, he asked me who was giving me advice, because it was working.. I mean I got him all day on msn chat and I don't even say hello, I guess it hurted him or like I'm making me strong I'm not allowing myself to be the doormat again...

He asked me to make him hard the return, like he has to climb a rocky mountain and I was at the top of it throwing him rocks.. can you beleive how complicate this man is?

It's hard but I'm doing it... in the process I'm becoming more independent, strong and thin LOL...

This time I didn't wimp or cryed ..(yeah some wet eyes over a couple of comments)...
This time I only asked him for 2 things

One that he should still go to counseling, and deal in this if-I'm-to-secure-I-won't-work-on-it issue

And to sign the sale of the appartment
To both things he agreed...

He told me that the idea of the sale he knew couldn't came from me tha he thought it was my parents ideas... and I told him you are so wrong, it was MY idea, I don't want to ge strugling in the future...I'm opening a parenthesis here is important I do it, because is the explanation on why H agree to sign owenership..
(His education has been very different than mine in economical issues, his family is like if they got it they use it, my family is that if we got it we save it for a better use in the future. Now I know both are wrong and right you have to save but also you have to LIVE, that much I learned... Back to my point H agreed because he told me all we got was because of me and my savings mania he called that vision in his words he wouldn't got nothing without me so that is why he agreed on the issue, like because of me we got it and I deserved it)

After that is where things are getting really confusing...

I told him that I was no longer planing to go to another country as before and that I had to work on my life from here, but since I don't earn enought to maintain this appartment I was planing in the future to rent it and get me a little one...

He told me that I shouldn't do that, that as long as we where married he was to continue to support me, and was only taking just a small amount of money for his food and gym, which is true...
That please don't take any mayor desicions yet and that he was not looking for any place to rent???? That OW was out of the picture, and that still he has to re-discover his feeling for me...
He already got a church with working couples and therapies (have to go to know if is true)... and bassically that he is also working on this his way...

Right now I'm not beleiving a word from his mouth, and I'm taking steps for my finantial and mental health.

An really thank you very very much for your support and advice MB's

<small>[ May 04, 2003, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

After yesterday talk, H has not appeared in the map even on messenger.

I still think he is with OW, and the hard part is that today I got another breakdown on work (or it was a pannic attack?? ) frankly I can not tell cause is the first time I got them.

Thank God I had in my purse half a pill and had to took it right there at work, which made me sleepy... I had to ask IC about changing pils.

The good news is that I'm into gym again and trying very hard to loose the pounds.

I would like some help on alone activities? cause all I used to love are either triggers or don't feel like doing it?

Thanks ppl