Hey all, I haven't been on in awhile. Doing a lot of thinking and working on me.

I had telephone coaching w/ Steve about a week ago. It was the BEST money I've spent hands down! He told me to go into a proper plan B and to make clear to my WH my reasoning for n/c. Steve said WS thinks that we are at a "stand off" waiting for someone to make the first move. You know, that really hit home w/ me. WH is in such fog that of course he couldn't possibly understand and feel what I'm feeling.

So I wrote my plan b letter. I read it to the ladies in my Bible study class and they all thought that I said exactly what I should have w/o placing any burden on his shoulders. I made it clear n/c w/ me is for my self preservation and to hold on to any bit of love that I may have left for him. Steve also advised that as far as the kids are concerned that I need to stick to a schedule as far as visitation. I haven't done this until now. I have been extremely flexible. And I don't mind. But under these circumstances, I can see where WH is still having his cake...

But... I wrote the letter a week ago and he has indeed honored my request for n/c. I also told him that I stopped proceedings w/ attorney as far as seperation. He didn't know I did that. Steve agreed w/ me that since he's paying the bills, and that's really the primary reason for seperation, I don't need to move forward w/ that. SO...when I wrote a little note regarding the money I needed for bills etc. he tells me he doesn't have ANY money. My friend said that since he has no control over me in any other area this is the last way to maintain control. It makes sense.

But for heaven's sake, I've backed way way off and given him all the space he desires. And when I see him and do have to talk to him I am pleasant to him. Why is he then so bitter and angry w/ me? And if he behaving this way to me when I've given him every option possible why doesn't he just divorce me?!

My son asked me the other day if I was going to divorce his dad. I told him it doesn't look like his dad wants to stay married to me and that I don't know what is going to happen. My little guy in his wisdom said to me "Mom, don't you file. If Dad want a divorce, then let him file."

Do I just continue to live my life like this in limbo? I'm at a point now that I don't even know if I would ever want him back. I'm not sure if I have any love for him left now. Or am I just holding on to the idea of what I think marriage should be?

I don't see the "light at the end of the tunnel" for my marriage, but I do see a definite "light" for me. Does that make any sense?

Hi ljkm3,

Good to hear from you. I think you are doing great. See where you are now vs a couple of months ago? Much improvement.

Glad to hear Steve was able to help you. Now all that stuff we were saying about focus on you makes more sense now right?

Your H is way out there in lala land and you are realizing that no matter what you did he would be upset so why do stuff to cause you greater hurt? Makes sense when one is a bit further removed from the situation. Can't see the forest for the trees kinda conception, ya know?

Will you be talking with Steve again? Let us know how you are doing and I am proud of your personal progress. Your little one sounds like a good supporter! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.