I have just spoken to H, he was away most of the weekend (business). I asked him what his plans were at this point and he said he is going to stay with is mother to help get his head sorted out. He said he cannot do that being at him, as he can see the hurt on my face. He says he is hurting too (from what ?? guilt?). Anyway I expressed my concern to him that leaving is his way of just letting me down easier and that he was not going to work on us. He said he wanted to try and work on the marriage. He has counselling booked and is going to go. He said he needs to be happy. I told him that we have to sit down tonight and let our daughter know when he is moving out. This indecision on his part is causing more pain to myself and our daughter. He says he wants to come to the home often and work on things. He suggested we go away as a family this weekend for mother's day and so I have booked a nice hotel in Niagara Falls.

In your opinions - do you think he has plans on working on marriage or is this just an easy way out for him to get us used to the fact of being alone?? I cant tell. He kissed me goodbye before he left for work. I had a raging headache this morning and he thought I was asleep and he felt my head and brough me another cold pack. He called to see how I was at noon. I just keeping hearing him say he has to be happy. I am not sure what that is going to take. Maybe after some IC he will know that that is. Maybe being away from me will make him miss me, dont know. I know that I need to be happy too, and that is with him. I am happy with him. I just think he cant get past his guilt right now and that is making him unhappy.

Is this still plan A. I do not want to shut him out just yet with plan B option. How long do I let him sort himself out. Will I see some sort of change if this is happening?? , if so, do I put a time limit on him to change and move forward without make selfish demands??

I need some advice here people, and I would appeciate anything.

I think he wants you but he is playing you out. Do you know what I mean? Men never want to leave their families unless you are some brute to live with which I don't think!

He wants this and that. Is he asking you what you want?

My vision on it is to call that counselor and get to it. Get something to work on. Set your goals and limits. When he knows that it is only in his comittment and love for you that he will come clean, then you can start to give him something back.

He wants to be happy and that is all? OK, well how about everyone else. The world of reality has more than one dimension.

NO - he has not once asked what I want. It is all about him right now. He keeps saying he needs to be happy, youre right - what about the rest of us?? He is leaving today and told our daugther that he would try and be gone before she got home from school, to save her the hurt of seeing him pack I guess. He has made plans with us for the weekend, to go away (nothing romantic - just a family thing). I was up most of the night having a hysterical crying fit and quite frankly today am so full of tears I cant stop - hope I not have a nervous breakdown. I have kept it together for six weeks now. I am just so sad with this whole situation. I have been trying to show him that I am moving forward but he does not seem to notice yet. He is concerned about my health - says one of the reasons he is moving, he can see how much I am hurting and it is affecting my health. Maybe he is right, him being here not healthy for me. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on without getting bitter. I do love him but my patience seems to running thin. My daughter says "he needs to get over himself and work on our family", the words of a 14 year old. So wise sometimes. She told him last night that maybe he needed to take some time off work, she sees how much it stresses him out and that maybe he would be able to figure out what was making him unhappy if he took some time off work. She does not know about the A and hence really cant understand why he is feeling so unhappy. He said that working provides us with the lifestyle and things we have in life. Anyway, just need to vent a bit, I am at a loss as to what to do next really. I will go away with him and my daughter for the weekend, be the optimistic person and try and show my positive attitude. It will be hard. He is going for counselling next week. He told my daughter that he would go for counselling by himself and then we would go together (me and him) when he got to that point. What if he never gets to that point. He is not going to be influenced by anyone, I am sure of that. Once he makes up his mind it is hard to change it. I only hope that he has not made up his mind to end this marriage, and move out and "pretend" to work on it just to make the transition easier for me. He has not yet apologized for the A to me. He says he knows he hurt me but I have still not heard an appology, makes me wary of his motives. I am sure he feels remose and guilt over this, I have seen him crying etc about it, but I am lead to believe that the WS should appologise?

Anyway, anyone been in this situations, let me know what your next step was. I think I will just try and show him that I am capable of changing and show him that I am going to be patient a bit longer. I did tell him that I would give him time and space. I have to follow through on that I guess. I just feel so let down by life right now.
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Your 14 year old is right about taking time off from work. He is looking ragged too. Personally I would not go with him anywhere until he came clean. Won't it set you up for sharing only LB's. Look at his record. The guy needs outside help. You can not possibly do one more thing. You said he is stubborn. So you can lead the donkey to water but you can not make him drink.

If you keep giving someone what they think they want, and they keep throwing poop at you what should you do. I would put up a barricade until they at least stopped doing that crap....

And I would not tell him how I felt until he begged me to tell. He needs the counsel bad. And perhaps he will talk rationally later on.