Hello all,

Sorry for the long delay but I went on a business trip and combined it with some beach time and margaritas. Anyhoo, the fun over and it's back to real life.

There has been no contact with WW other that the occansional email she sends which are about nothing. I have politely responded and then continued on with NC. There has been no R talk for sometime.

That may change tonight when I go over to pick up some mail. My stance has not changed; there must be NC with OM(s) if we are to even talk about anything.

But if she continiues to insist on contact then I may have to be the one to start the D process. I don't know when I might decide to do it, but I think the time is coming. If she has contact with OM#1 then that will trigger it for me.

I am doing fine otherwise. Later.

Luki-

I hope you had a good time on the beach! With an icky day like today I wish I was on a beach someplace.

Anyway, back to M talk. Do you love your W? I mean do you really love her? If so, than why file? If you are not sure than I wouldn't file. Aren't you in a modified Plan B? If so, why do you respond to her emails? Why not just let them go? Forward your mail to your new place and go into full NC with her.

Just my two cents worth.

Hi Luki. Glad you wrote. I think we went into Plan B around the same time and I'm always interested to hear where you are mentally/emotionally. I'm struggling with the question of filing for DV or not. I'm sure my WH would not do it himself. Lately I've thought that I might just stay in this legally seperated/Plan B stage and not DV him at all unless at some point I ever wanted to remarry. If I DV him, I'll have to get off his health insurance (not too big of a deal since I work) but also if he dies (mysteriously?) -- kidding -- I'd be the beneficiary of life insurance/ social security etc. I'm sure he'd never figure out how to change the beneficiaries on anything since I always took care of all of that stuff. Also, might drive the OW crazy once her DV is final - that he isn't DVed. The one reason that I'd want to get DVed is to tell him - I'm serious, you're not coming back - but I've heard that even after the DV many WSs still believe that the BS would still have them back at any time.

STTSI,

You make good points. To be honest there is not much in the way of feelings left. Mostly just habits if you know what I mean. This was shown to be true last night went I went over to pick up mail. There is about a 20 minute window and then I get this feeling like I must get out of there because the defense systems get raised. To answer your question about plan b, I don't know what plan I am in. I am out of gas trying to save the M so the only plan I am in is to keep my head above water. I know that's not very MBish of me but that's where I am at.

dueinjan,

It seems we are in synch on this. The question I have pondered is that is it fair to yourself not to file after a certain amount of time? Don't get me wrong, I agree with you, but I think this stance is a tough sell. How long must we put life on hold?

I don't think my WW get's it. I think she is struggling with the fact that I have pulled away.

Luki-

I can't force you into anything but I can suggest that you send her a Plan B letter, remove your stuff from the house and forward your mail. Than after that go into full NC with her. You are right, you can't put your life on hold forever. But the question is, how important is your wife to you? You marriage vows? Are they important enough to wait 6 months? 12 months? Only you know the answer to those questions. I see no need to rush things if you really do love your W!

Try not to make any decision when you are in a high emotional state.

Good luck my friend.

Right now, at this moment, my marriage vows are important so I'd rather not be the one to initiate the D process. What love I had after D-Day is gone. There is nothing there but sadness.

A plan B letter would imply that I might want to reconcile which at this point, I don't. Am I wasting my time here now?

-Luki (if I sound confused it's because I am)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A plan B letter would imply that I might want to reconcile which at this point, I don't. Am I wasting my time here now?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you aren't wasting your time here. This place is not only good for sharing your thoughts and ideas, but a good place to vent and get support. This place is also a good place for us folks that have already gone thru a divorce and have moved on with our lives.

Thanks for the support TMCM. I am kind of in no-mans land right now.

STTSI, I think I will write my W a modified plan b letter that states what is necessary for us to talk again. At least I will have spelled out exactly what I want so there can be no doubt, even if it is probably too late. I'll post a draft here for feedback once it is done.

-Luki