Ok, things just aren't getting any better here. I really don't have much hope for the future of my marriage. Today I am overwhelmed w/ saddness. I want to cry, but crying over current situation just exausts me.

I officially wrote plan b letter over a week ago. No contact has begun. WS acts as if he could care less. He tells my kids that he loves me and wants to come home but looks at me as if he wants to douse me w/ gasoline and set me on fire!! This ongoing anger in him is mind boggling. I told him in b letter that I do still love him and want to preserve any love I do have left for him. I left it all in his lap. (I know...fog, fog, fog)

What I'm feeling right now is the sense that I've been fooling myself too long thinking that WS even loved me and would like to work things out. I'm thinking that I've exausted way too much energy hoping for something that is already over. Am I completely stupid? I mean, WS belittles me, is disrespectful, lives an independent life, and has rarely included me in his outside activities. He has always past judgement on me and acts as if I am a source of irritation to him. This isn't just now that this is happening, This is many of these things over the course of the marriage.

Now, for the first time he is playing games w/ the finances. He has been pretty responsible w/ the financial end. Now he is telling me that he has no money and EVERYTHING is due now. He hasn't even given me a portion of what's due.

What steams me is that my sweet boy has taken on the role of worrying about what things cost and if we are going to be able to afford things. He wants to know if we are going to have to sell our house and move. I told him that I trust in his dad and I trust in the Lord that everything will be provided for us. I think it's horrible that a kid would take on a burden like that. He has essentially taken the role of the man of the house. He's just 11.

The one thing that I haven't done yet w/ plan b is to devise a schedule of visitation for WS and kids. Does anyone have any idea on how to do this? Do I need to just write one out or consult w/ him to coordinate visits? I have no clue!

I haven't filed for a D. Only a seperation. But then in my plan b letter I told WS I put the matter w/ the attorney on a shelf. And since he was paying the bills, I didn't think we needed the attorney. But, son tells me that WS is planning to go back to Cuba once again in a couple of weeks. I literally can't take that again. My son asked WS which was more important and Ws said BOTH. That SCUMBAG!!!! My son will always live w/ his dad allowing something else get in the way of our family. He will remember this. I said that if he goes to Cuba again, I will file for divorce.

You know, really how many times do I have to be whacked in the head before I get off this ride? Ws has ignored me all along regarding whole Cuba issue. He has been out of the house since Feb. And the kids hate what he's doing as much as me! I'm serious... am I that stupid to believe that I could have a loving, respectful marriage?!