Airheart and anyone else feeling complacent about your spouse.<P>The point of the scenario in the previous post was simply to see if the images of that story as a reality, affected you MINDSET. Even for a moment. Can you imagine a situation that elicits real feelings in you based on the imagined reality? (No, now, not about the OW/OM. OK? Limit your thinking to your spouse for this experiment) When I consider that my H may have a crash and die at any time, on land or in the air, I actually feel the pain of the loss it would cause. As a result, I find myself appreciating even more the times we have together in the real world. I find myself wanting to express to him more strongly how much he means to me and how much I appreciate all he has provided for this family. I am able, therefore, to look past the things about him that I am not attracted to or that annoy me, and see the treasure that he is and has been to my life. Sure, I could dwell on the times he was being a butthole, throwing plates through windows, and cussing at the kids. I could sink into dispair easily (and I have in the past) when he is gone on a long trip and does not contact me, or when he does, he fails to make loving deposits due to whatever reason. I could DECIDE that I would rather be alone, accountable to only myself,or have a spouse who would be home every night, rather than the endless lonely hours I have when he is gone. Heck, I would never have to clean house! Or cook! All these "decisions" are reflections of mindsets I can allow myself to get into, if I so CHOOSE. However, I have chosen to attempt to live my life, to make the decisions I make, (or at least try like h3ll) from the loving place in my soul. That place where thoughts for myself are inconsequential because I don't need to worry about myself. God takes care of that. Sorta the "don't worry, be happy philosophy" with a twist. The twist being that when I interact with others from the honest, loving, compassionate GIVING part of me, not really even thinking consciously about my own needs, my needs seem to be magically met throught the interaction. The "what goes around, comes around" approach used positiviely.(Gosh, this is hard to explain).<P>That is not to say that I am a martyr or doormat. I am simply trying to learn to express my feelings, both positive and negative, in ways that satisfy my need to be heard and at the same time accept differing viewpoints and perspectives. Don't get me wrong. I am not perfect with this approach, but when I do remember to employ it, the results are soo much more rewarding than when my ego is in charge.<P>A perfect example of a failed attempt to make a decision out of love happened this morning. My 12 year old really got under my skin because he was not ready at the designated time to go to school. He had wasted 45 minutes after his shower watching TV when he should have been looking for a shirt. Said shirt had not been washed because he had not cleaned his room at the "designated" time, and said he could not find any other shirts either! yada yada yada You know the routine. By the time he had put on a dirty shirt we were ten minutes late and he still had not gathered his books or put on his shoes. What did I do? Screamed and hollered! (Is there a chapter on not lovebusting with your kids). I called him inconsiderate, irresponsible, lazy. All of which he is, of course, at his age!
![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif)
But to scream and yell and carry on and on about the incident was not a decision made from the loving compassionate part of my soul. (Not sure it was even a "real" decision as much as a reaction). And certainly was counter productive to the mood we all went to school with. A more loving reaction would have been.. hmmmm. let me think..... oh shoot.... what would have gotten the desired results. Probably to do and say nothing, at least at that time, would have been no less or more effective in getting him in the car any sooner than he was in this case. A more loving decision would have been to hold my tongue until a more appropriate time to deal with the issue was available, giving us both time to calm down and see constructive solutions to the problem for future reference. <P>Well, I certainly got off the subject, sorta. Seem to rambling somewhat now. Maybe there is food for thought somewhere in this jumble of words. <P>Beth<P>PS. Same son made dinner tonite for us all. Opened a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and baked some bisquits. There is hope...<BR>Hey, a lot better than POp tarts!
