My wife owned up to 4 affairs ... and later I felt that I should own up to my own one-night-stand as I could not bear to see her blaming herself for everything.

We were working it out until I told her, thinking that she would respect me for being honest ... as I did her .... I was so wrong as she cannot accept what I did and immediately said she is leaving me.

After long discussion today it is all fixed.

I am to book their flights, my soon-to-be-ex wife will do the packing and arrange their freight back to the UK, her father will meet them and her cousin has offered them an apartment.

I have a few days with my little girl before we have to part .... don't know when I will see her as 5000km is a long way away and I have no vacation entitlement for 3 months.

She will probably forget me in no time as there is no way I can see her regularly like a real Daddy should ... perhaps twice a year when all I will be is a stranger - identified by her mother showing her a photo the day before I arrive.

I will miss her 3rd birthday.

So 15 years, all that love and my life will soon be gone.

Just want to spend what time I have left with my little angel before we are torn apart at the airport.

After that my life will be over.

If I had not been honest we would still be planning the future together ... now my wife is planning her future and I have no plans.

My wife has gone out with her friends tonight as she couldn't put up with my getting upset about them leaving ... so my first night without her.

Nothing short of a genie in a bottle will keep my lovely wife and beautiful little girl with me now.

Honesty was the best policy for her and I still respect her for this. Unfortunately it was not the case for me and now I have lost everything.

I forgave her but she is unable to forgive, knowing I did the same as her.

I still love my wife so much and cannot imagine life without her ... 3 weeks during her recent holiday was an eternity ... and now I will suffer a real eternity.

She is trying to be optimistic for me, saying that if she finds she has made a mistake maybe we can get back together one day ... dont think so as sure she will soon find a new man to take care of her and our daughter. A better husband and father than I could ever be.

She says that she cannot live her life for me or our daughter and wants to live life for herself.

Can't say any more .... just feel sick.

It is ironical that my wife previously advised "Julia T" on this forum to come clean and own up to her husband for her affair.

I wonder what happened to Julia T ... did she own up or was her honesty rejected like mine ?

B&VS

Wait a minute!!!! ...obvious injustices aside, aren't you going to run screaming to the nearest available lawyer???

Was your D born here? Are you all from the UK? I find it hard to believe any court on the planet's surface would allow her to take your child out of the country without some sort of visitation arrangement.

-2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is trying to be optimistic for me, saying that if she finds she has made a mistake maybe we can get back together one day</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is total fog talk.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She says that she cannot live her life for me or our daughter and wants to live life for.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then why doesn't she leave your daughter with you?

No honesty is NOT the problem, the problem is that your WW is a hypocrite. She told you about her A's that spanned years and she begged that you forgive her (which you did), and now that you told her about your ONS, she's using it against you and is leaving you. I'm sorry, but your blame is misplaced.

<small>[ May 07, 2003, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I'm with 2Long on this one... talk to a family law lawyer A.S.A.P.!!! If you don't know where to find one, just open up your local yellow pages, and call family law firm after law firm. Most lawyers WILL offer free advice over the phone... and your question is fairly simple, "can your W LEGALLY move 5000km away w/ your daughter?".

Let us know what you find out.

Karen

We are living in Bahrain - she is moving back to the UK with my daughter.

Nothing I can do about it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blind&VeryStupid:
<strong>We are living in Bahrain - she is moving back to the UK with my daughter.

Nothing I can do about it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who says so? A lawyer? Or is it you that is speculating that you can't do anything to fight for you child's best interests?

In reality if my daughter stayed with me - (and I did suggest this to my w this evening ... just until she gets herself sorted in the UK and then I could take my D back to the UK) with my long working hours she would be looked after by a child minder and would not see much of me.

My W was horrified at my suggestion and does not trust me to bring my D back to UK.

At the end of the day I dont want to destroy my D any more than she has been .... she is in bed now and keeps crying out for her Mummy.

My W is out with friends this evening as she could not put up with me going on about us breaking up and trying to persuade her to stay.

I think that she will be in a position to be with our D more than I can.

British courts almost always favour the mother for custody as the father cannot make a living and spend enough time at home ... tough, but reality.

I want the best for my daughter and realise that being back in the UK with grandparents etc to look out for her best interests is much better than her staying here and seeing a few hours a day of one parent.

Working long hours, a successful job, good salary and providing a secure life for your family just does not work ... thought I was right but looks like I am now just another marriage statistic.

Just make sure you know all your legal rights and responsibilities before you move on with your life. Many men and women, have had their ex's later come back and slap them with court ordered payments all because they did not legally protect themselves during the marital breakup. The last thing you want is for your ex to come back later, after you have rebuilt your life with somebody else, and once again create havoc and misery in your life and that of your new partner.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blind&VeryStupid:
<strong>

We were working it out until I told her, thinking that she would respect me for being honest ... as I did her .... I was so wrong as she cannot accept what I did and immediately said she is leaving me.

.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">huh? Wait a minute. Doesn't she have the RIGHT to leave you if she chooses? Would you rather hold her in a marriage in a state of deceit when she would prefer to not be married to someone who cheated on her? Isn't that her RIGHT to choose who she is married to? How does she know to whom she is married when you withhold information about her life to which she is entitled.

You tell people the truth about this kind of stuff because it is the right thing to do, not for personal gain. No one guaranteed you that it would turn out good.

Just remember, though, she is not leaving because you told the truth, but because of your infidelity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blind&VeryStupid:
<strong>

We were working it out until I told her, thinking that she would respect me for being honest ... as I did her .... I was so wrong as she cannot accept what I did and immediately said she is leaving me.

.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">huh? Wait a minute. Doesn't she have the RIGHT to leave you if she chooses? Would you rather hold her in a marriage in a state of deceit when she would prefer to not be married to someone who cheated on her? Isn't that her RIGHT to choose who she is married to? How does she know to whom she is married when you withhold information about her life to which she is entitled.

You tell people the truth about this kind of stuff because it is the right thing to do, not for personal gain. No one guaranteed you that it would turn out good.

Just remember, though, she is not leaving because you told the truth, but because of your infidelity.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MelodyLane I agree with you except for one little teeny weeny detail: She cheated with four men and he forgave her. He confesses to one ONS and she uses it against him as an excuse to leave the M. If you're interested read his original thread titled Four Lovers And A Baby.

<small>[ May 07, 2003, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
MelodyLane I agree with you except for one little teeny weeny detail: She cheated with four men and he forgave her. He confesses to one ONS and she uses it against him as an excuse to leave the M. If you're interested read his original thread titled </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TMCM, I agree he's getting a major raw deal and did know that he was willing to forgive her. Her hypocrisy is breathtaking. I still think that, hypocrisy notwithstanding, she gets to make that choice regardless of what his reaction was to her affairs. Regardless of her reaction, he still owed her the truth. His forgiveness does not oblige her in kind or forfeit her right to make a decision. I hope he takes everyone's advice to get a good attorney to protect his daughter. I still think that he owed her the truth, regardless of the outcome.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TMCM, I agree he's getting a major raw deal and did know that he was willing to forgive her. Her hypocrisy is breathtaking. I still think that, hypocrisy notwithstanding, she gets to make that choice regardless of what his reaction was to her affairs. Regardless of her reaction, he still owed her the truth. His forgiveness does not oblige her in kind or forfeit her right to make a decision. I hope he takes everyone's advice to get a good attorney to protect his daughter. I still think that he owed her the truth, regardless of the outcome.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is why in one of my posts I said to him that honesty was NOT the problem but her hipocrisy was and also for that matter, her dishonesty.

<small>[ May 07, 2003, 07:16 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>