My stbx called this evening and said she wanted to talk to me about the D. She said that she can see this getting nasty and the fact that I'm being nice to her and then going for custody of the kids is confusing the hell out of her.

The situation is that I have a lawyer and the D papers have been filed on my side. She can't find a job, doesn't have a lawyer, and probably thinks I should pay for her to have one. Over the last week virtually every time I have spoken with her she has been crying. I believe she is still in contact with the latest OM but that relationship is going nowhere fast. She's not even staying at his house anymore.

I think my wife is panicking. She knows I hold all the cards at the moment and she has a LOT of catching up to do. Should I have this conversation with her tomorrow? I don't know what she hopes to accomplish except to start a fight. I know that I can talk with her and not lose my temper no matter what she tries. Her fuse is MUCH shorter than mine and she is a complete mess emotionally. Since we are in D mode I don't know if I should keep contact with her to a minimum or if I should talk with her and try to make her understand that this isn't personal, I only know what I think is best for the kids and am willing to fight for that.

starman
don't know your story but i would suggest if you do meet her it is in a public place and perhaps even have a friend with you or record the conversation. you don't want any false allegations of assault or threats...like i said don't know if this is something your ex would do out of desperation or not...be smart and god bless

I don't believe that the issue is that she is taking this "personally" [even though it is personal] but rather that she is losing control of you, a very scary prospect for her. Instead of letting her get away with murder, you are holding her accountable for a change and not making yourself available for her convenience and misuse.

I don't see any benefit whatsoever in meeting her tomorrow and instead see it as an impediment. It is always about her and will only leave you upset. You know you aren't going to be swayed in giving up your fight for custody so there is really no point in meeting her to fight about it. That is how I see it, starman. I hope you are holding up well under all this pressure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. I think fear is the best medicine for her right now. She has not grown up or developed empathy for others in all this time because you have always protected her from the consequences of her behavior. The best thing for her is to experience, for once, the full force of the consequences.

Starman, how do YOU feel about meeting her? I mean stop and really think that over. If you wanted to meet her maybe put it off for a day or two. Make her think it through first and give yourself time to think it through.

I remember when my W started contacting me about starting over again, my only comment for several days was "I need some time to think this over." That is all it was, short and sweet. She caouldn't get too upset about it. Maybe try the same for your W?

JMHO.