Please help....
My (Trucker) WH admitted to an affair 2/9/03 with a woman in OH. (We live in WI) It "officially" ended on 3/12/03 with NC starting then. That weekend when he came home (3/14 thru 3/16) we talked all weekend about everything. It was more than we had talked in years. During our conversations he told me that he had been talking to the OW's sister and that she had been a person he could talk to when he was down and depressed/sad. He never told any of his male friends about the affair and still has not to this day. At the time, I didn't say too much about it. The sister actually told my WH to give up on the OW because of isssues she has with alcohol and other things and that he has too much to lose by divorcing me and that he should come home to WI.
Well...he still talks to the SISTER and every time he tells me about it I just get soooo upset. I feel totally threatened by this woman. I asked him to NOT have contact with her, that it is very hurtful to me and that I can't understand why he would continue to want to hurt me, but he truly thinks it is innocent. Sometimes he sees her too because she works at a truckstop. He says (defensively most of the time) that he is NOT ATTRACTED to this person, that she is ONLY a FRIEND and that there is NOTHING going to come of it. I said that I feel that he will start an emotional affair with her (after all, he never figured "talking" to the OW would end in an affair either) and he said that he doesnt need to talk to her all the time, just once in awhile and now they don't even talk about the OW anymore. I said that is all the more reason to let the "friendship" become less and less important, but now he has been getting "text messages" on his cellphone (which do NOT show up on a phone bill because they are free) and he has been sending them back to her. I admit that I was 'checking' his phone last week and he had left an outbound one in there and he signed it "catch me later HON". When I confronted him about it he said that she is just one of those kind of people that call everyone Honey, Dear or sweetheart. He said that she also has alot of other trucker friends that she talks/messages all the time and its no big deal.
My family says that I should wait it out, that she will get to be too much for him and he will eventually get sick of her bothering him. He says that the friendship is not going to end, that he sees no problem with it and they dont talk about the OW at all. I said that everytime he tells me (honestly) that he talks/messages her that it reminds ME of the OW and I can't let it go. He thinks I am blowing this WAY out of proportion.
I have been starting to meet some of his EN's. I have started with domestic support and I have also been working out daily and have lost 25 pounds so far. I also starting tanning and now wear makeup everyday. He says that he feels more "care" for me now than he did 2 months ago, but still not "in love" with me. Our 14th wedding anniversary is coming up this week and he did agree to stay home for a couple of days and said that we could go out for dinner or somethiing so he IS trying to meet my needs too.
This whole thing with the sister just bothers me and I think its because our marriage is so fragile right now that I feel so threatened. I tell myself that I have wasted enough tears and energy on her and that all I can do is to continue to meet his needs, she doesnt seem to be doing that, except maybe admiration. Then again, on the other hand, I want to tell him that he HAS to end it, but then I am LB'ing by Demanding it...
HELP!!!!!
